The Proving of High Fructose Corn Syrup 42
By Patricia Maher, Matilde Flores and Sally Williams
History and Context
“Our ingenuity in feeding ourselves is prodigious, but at various points our technologies come into conflict with nature’s ways of doing things, as when we seek to maximize efficiency by planting crops or raising animals in vast mono-cultures. This is something nature never does, always and for good reasons practicing diversity instead. A great many of the health and environmental problems created by our food system owe to our attempts to oversimplify nature’s complexities, at both the growing and the eating ends of our food chain.”
Michael Pollan, The Omnivore’s Dilemma
“Seeking to reduce runaway obesity rates, the New York City Board of Health on Thursday approved a ban on the sale of large sodas and other sugary drinks at restaurants, street carts and movie theaters, the first restriction of its kind in the country..”
New York Times, September 13, 2012
In 2012 New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg stirred up a hornet’s nest of controversy with his attempt to limit the consumption of soft drinks in New York. His action grew out of growing alarm about the health effects of High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS), a seemingly benign component of soda and fast food.
United States Agribusiness and HFCS
Over the past 40 years a revolution in food production and consumption has occurred in the United States. In the 1970’s, agricultural policies implemented by the Nixon Administration dismantled structures that had prevented the overproduction of commodities. Corn and soy yields were driven upward and the price of food was kept down through artificial price supports.
After World War II ended, the US determined that peacetime use of ammonium nitrate (left over from armament production) would be a boon for farmers and food production. Munitions plants switched to producing chemical fertilizers. Similarly, pesticides – a peacetime conversion of wartime poison gas weapons – were also destined for the farm. At the same time, hybrid corn strains that had been developed during the 30’s suddenly took off: production skyrocketed because the use of chemical fertilizer and pesticides meant that farmers did not have to rotate crops and restore nitrogen to the soil through organic farming practices.
As a result large petrochemical, agricultural, and food service corporations have transformed our diet to one based on processed corn. According to food policy writer Michael Pollan, farmers in the US now produce 500 additional calories per capita per day compared to the 1970’s, and most of those calories are supplied by corn in one form or another.
Two companies – Cargill and ADM – buy nearly a third of all the corn grown in the United States, and Cargill is the biggest privately held corporation in the world. According to Michael Pollan in The Omnivore’s Dilemma, these two corporations “provide the pesticide and fertilizer to the farmers; operate most of America’s grain elevators…; broker and ship most of the exports; perform the… milling; feed the livestock and then slaughter the corn-fed animals; distill the ethanol; and manufacture the high fructose corn syrup…..and help write many of the rules that govern this whole game….”
Corn is fed to steer, to farm-raised salmon and the catfish; it is fed to the cows that produce our milk, to the chickens that lay the eggs. It is a primary component of processed food, and is the major sweetener in soft drinks. Corn is what is behind words like maltodextrin and fructose and the long lists of chemicals in any and just about every processed food item. It is the basis for non-food items ranging from plastic bags to cardboard, from toothpaste to magazines, from the wax on cucumbers to components of construction materials used in supermarket buildings themselves.
If you are Cargill or another corporate food producer, the most profitable thing to do with an acre of corn is to turn it into high fructose corn syrup, and that means soda. Food processors take a substance like corn or soy, break it down into its component parts, and then re- formulate it as the ideal of sweet, carbohydrate- and fat- rich taste treats, disguised as sustenance.
“Our ingenuity in feeding ourselves is prodigious, but at various points our technologies come into conflict with nature’s ways of doing things, as when we seek to maximize efficiency by planting crops or raising animals in vast mono-cultures. This is something nature never does, always and for good reasons practicing diversity instead. A great many of the health and environmental problems created by our food system owe to our attempts to oversimplify nature’s complexities, at both the growing and the eating ends of our food chain.”
Michael Pollan, The Omnivore’s Dilemma
“Seeking to reduce runaway obesity rates, the New York City Board of Health on Thursday approved a ban on the sale of large sodas and other sugary drinks at restaurants, street carts and movie theaters, the first restriction of its kind in the country..”
New York Times, September 13, 2012
In 2012 New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg stirred up a hornet’s nest of controversy with his attempt to limit the consumption of soft drinks in New York. His action grew out of growing alarm about the health effects of High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS), a seemingly benign component of soda and fast food.
United States Agribusiness and HFCS
Over the past 40 years a revolution in food production and consumption has occurred in the United States. In the 1970’s, agricultural policies implemented by the Nixon Administration dismantled structures that had prevented the overproduction of commodities. Corn and soy yields were driven upward and the price of food was kept down through artificial price supports.
After World War II ended, the US determined that peacetime use of ammonium nitrate (left over from armament production) would be a boon for farmers and food production. Munitions plants switched to producing chemical fertilizers. Similarly, pesticides – a peacetime conversion of wartime poison gas weapons – were also destined for the farm. At the same time, hybrid corn strains that had been developed during the 30’s suddenly took off: production skyrocketed because the use of chemical fertilizer and pesticides meant that farmers did not have to rotate crops and restore nitrogen to the soil through organic farming practices.
As a result large petrochemical, agricultural, and food service corporations have transformed our diet to one based on processed corn. According to food policy writer Michael Pollan, farmers in the US now produce 500 additional calories per capita per day compared to the 1970’s, and most of those calories are supplied by corn in one form or another.
Two companies – Cargill and ADM – buy nearly a third of all the corn grown in the United States, and Cargill is the biggest privately held corporation in the world. According to Michael Pollan in The Omnivore’s Dilemma, these two corporations “provide the pesticide and fertilizer to the farmers; operate most of America’s grain elevators…; broker and ship most of the exports; perform the… milling; feed the livestock and then slaughter the corn-fed animals; distill the ethanol; and manufacture the high fructose corn syrup…..and help write many of the rules that govern this whole game….”
Corn is fed to steer, to farm-raised salmon and the catfish; it is fed to the cows that produce our milk, to the chickens that lay the eggs. It is a primary component of processed food, and is the major sweetener in soft drinks. Corn is what is behind words like maltodextrin and fructose and the long lists of chemicals in any and just about every processed food item. It is the basis for non-food items ranging from plastic bags to cardboard, from toothpaste to magazines, from the wax on cucumbers to components of construction materials used in supermarket buildings themselves.
If you are Cargill or another corporate food producer, the most profitable thing to do with an acre of corn is to turn it into high fructose corn syrup, and that means soda. Food processors take a substance like corn or soy, break it down into its component parts, and then re- formulate it as the ideal of sweet, carbohydrate- and fat- rich taste treats, disguised as sustenance.
From Sacred Deity Among Native Cultures to Poisonous Element in our Modern Food Supply.
Corn, also known as maize, has occupied a sacred place in the native cultures throughout North and South America. In some cultures corn was regarded as a deity and in others as a gift to the people from the Creator. To this date corn is an integral part of ceremonial rituals and spiritual offering among Native American Tribes.
For thousands of years corn has been the most important food crop for the native cultures.
Believed to have originated in Mexico and due to the selective breeding of many generations of nameless Mesoamerican farmers, we have the super crop corn of today.
Teosinte is believed to be its distant ancestor, but there is no confirmed wild ancestor of maize. It was a human created phenomenon and it cannot exist without human intervention because if the cob falls on the ground it cannot naturally release the seeds into the soil. The seeds are so tightly bound to each other that they decompose without being able to germinate.
Indigenous people felt blessed by God for having this extraordinary capacity to feed themselves. Corn was the giver of life, a true abundance of nutrition, because it is an amazingly productive crop that is considered superior in productivity to any other grain.
Since ancient times corn has been the super product that changed the world. It also has a primary place in the colonization of North America. Indigenous people helped the early white colonizers of North America survive by sharing their cultivation techniques. Corn is easy to dry and store, easy to transport, easily convertible into sweeteners and easily fermented into alcohol. White European slave traders used it as currency with which to purchase enslaved Africans, and enslaved Africans lived on it during the Middle Passage.
In the supermarkets today, 33% of the products available will have a corn connection, especially in the form of High Fructose Corn Syrup. Most of the HFCS in the market is genetically modified.
With the introduction of HFCS into the market in 1978, we see a world change motivated by political and economic reasons. HFCS is half the price of regular sugar and has kept the fluctuation of sugar prices constant. HFCS has become the sweetener of choice for pre-packed beverages and finds its way into most processed food sold today, but there is a problem that the producers of HFCS are trying very hard to cover up.
As Robert H. Lustig Professor of Pediatrics Division of Endocrinology, University of California San Francisco, in his YouTube presentation “Sugar: The bitter truth,” states: “Chronic fructose exposure alone promotes the metabolic syndrome: Obesity, type II diabetes, lipid problems, hypertension and cardiovascular disease.”
The metabolic process of Fructose is completely different from that of Glucose, found in regular sugar. Glucose is an energy source and is used by every cell in the body. Only a small percentage of it goes to the liver to be converted to Glycogen for future energy needs. The capacity of the liver to store glycogen is unlimited.
Fructose is exclusively metabolized in the liver with no beneficial effects. The metabolic by-products of fructose produce gout, high blood pressure, hyperlipidemia, skeletal muscle insulin resistance, hepatic insulin resistance, and nonalcoholic fatty liver disease. This is the reason why fructose is considered a hepatotoxin. Its action on the liver is almost identical to that of alcohol.
Fructose causes a continual state of hunger because it does not suppress the hunger-stimulating hormone Ghrelin. Normally, Ghrelin increases before a meal and decreases after a meal. Leptin, another hormone released by adipose tissue, induces satiation and is considered a counter part of Ghrelin. Leptin production is not stimulated by fructose.
Corn production and its processing into HFCS continues to carry the energy of abundance, yet what used to be the sacred cultivation and harvesting of the gift of God has been twisted and replaced by something sold as “food” that is creating a silent demise of epidemic proportions.
Ironically, because of socio-economic conditions, the populations that are most affected by this ‘world change’ are the very people for whom corn was a blessing for thousands of years-- Native Americans and Latino communities -- and also for the African Americans whose ancestors corn sustained during the Middle Passage.
References:
http://www.native-languages.org/legends-corn.htm
http://www.history.com/shows/mankind-the-story-of-all-of-us/videos/corn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBnniua6-oM&feature=player_embedded#at=5340
Pollan, Michael. The Omnivore’s Dilemma (New York: Penguin Press, 2006)
Corn, also known as maize, has occupied a sacred place in the native cultures throughout North and South America. In some cultures corn was regarded as a deity and in others as a gift to the people from the Creator. To this date corn is an integral part of ceremonial rituals and spiritual offering among Native American Tribes.
For thousands of years corn has been the most important food crop for the native cultures.
Believed to have originated in Mexico and due to the selective breeding of many generations of nameless Mesoamerican farmers, we have the super crop corn of today.
Teosinte is believed to be its distant ancestor, but there is no confirmed wild ancestor of maize. It was a human created phenomenon and it cannot exist without human intervention because if the cob falls on the ground it cannot naturally release the seeds into the soil. The seeds are so tightly bound to each other that they decompose without being able to germinate.
Indigenous people felt blessed by God for having this extraordinary capacity to feed themselves. Corn was the giver of life, a true abundance of nutrition, because it is an amazingly productive crop that is considered superior in productivity to any other grain.
Since ancient times corn has been the super product that changed the world. It also has a primary place in the colonization of North America. Indigenous people helped the early white colonizers of North America survive by sharing their cultivation techniques. Corn is easy to dry and store, easy to transport, easily convertible into sweeteners and easily fermented into alcohol. White European slave traders used it as currency with which to purchase enslaved Africans, and enslaved Africans lived on it during the Middle Passage.
In the supermarkets today, 33% of the products available will have a corn connection, especially in the form of High Fructose Corn Syrup. Most of the HFCS in the market is genetically modified.
With the introduction of HFCS into the market in 1978, we see a world change motivated by political and economic reasons. HFCS is half the price of regular sugar and has kept the fluctuation of sugar prices constant. HFCS has become the sweetener of choice for pre-packed beverages and finds its way into most processed food sold today, but there is a problem that the producers of HFCS are trying very hard to cover up.
As Robert H. Lustig Professor of Pediatrics Division of Endocrinology, University of California San Francisco, in his YouTube presentation “Sugar: The bitter truth,” states: “Chronic fructose exposure alone promotes the metabolic syndrome: Obesity, type II diabetes, lipid problems, hypertension and cardiovascular disease.”
The metabolic process of Fructose is completely different from that of Glucose, found in regular sugar. Glucose is an energy source and is used by every cell in the body. Only a small percentage of it goes to the liver to be converted to Glycogen for future energy needs. The capacity of the liver to store glycogen is unlimited.
Fructose is exclusively metabolized in the liver with no beneficial effects. The metabolic by-products of fructose produce gout, high blood pressure, hyperlipidemia, skeletal muscle insulin resistance, hepatic insulin resistance, and nonalcoholic fatty liver disease. This is the reason why fructose is considered a hepatotoxin. Its action on the liver is almost identical to that of alcohol.
Fructose causes a continual state of hunger because it does not suppress the hunger-stimulating hormone Ghrelin. Normally, Ghrelin increases before a meal and decreases after a meal. Leptin, another hormone released by adipose tissue, induces satiation and is considered a counter part of Ghrelin. Leptin production is not stimulated by fructose.
Corn production and its processing into HFCS continues to carry the energy of abundance, yet what used to be the sacred cultivation and harvesting of the gift of God has been twisted and replaced by something sold as “food” that is creating a silent demise of epidemic proportions.
Ironically, because of socio-economic conditions, the populations that are most affected by this ‘world change’ are the very people for whom corn was a blessing for thousands of years-- Native Americans and Latino communities -- and also for the African Americans whose ancestors corn sustained during the Middle Passage.
References:
http://www.native-languages.org/legends-corn.htm
http://www.history.com/shows/mankind-the-story-of-all-of-us/videos/corn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBnniua6-oM&feature=player_embedded#at=5340
Pollan, Michael. The Omnivore’s Dilemma (New York: Penguin Press, 2006)
Commentary
This proving was conducted in Buffalo, NY with five provers: two men and three women; one lesbian and four heterosexuals, four people of European descent and one Seneca. The substance, high fructose 42 (HFCS-42 = 42% fructose + 58% glucose) was obtained from a chocolate factory in Buffalo.
The trituration dynamics were staggeringly flat. The provers were zoned out and seemed incapable of interaction. They had trouble continuing a conversation. The only time the group exhibited any animation was around food. When we took breaks, they could not tear themselves away from the food to come back to the trituration. Provers actually stuffed their faces, and one had food running off his chin.
What conversation there was centered on food and abundance– canning and preserving food, processing bushels of tomatoes, cooking and eating grilled cheese and Tater Tots.
In the two weeks following the trituration, the proving surfaced themes of isolation and introversion, overindulgence, excess, and alcohol intolerance. Over the course of the proving many provers experienced an extreme reactivity to alcohol as well as ADD –type symptoms. This seems especially important in light of the links between HFCS consumption and non-alcohol induced fatty liver disease.
The dreams of the provers were particularly revealing. In the dreams we see a direct reflection of the indigenous meaning of corn, and issue of loss of lineage and ancestry through the following dream – not coincidentally from the Seneca prover:
a dream where I was at the Longhouse and I think I had to break in. I was there to take care of an old man. I was going to feed him. Then another man was there and told me what to feed him and he said it in Seneca. He used the word for a dish that’s made from corn and used for certain ceremonies or death feasts. I asked him when will I know when he’s done and the man said when he does this and spits out his food.
The themes of over-indulgence and deceit were represented in the dreams of daffodils of the same prover. The Latin name for a daffodil is Narcissus, famous in Greek mythology as the boy who loved his reflection so much that he wouldn't stop gazing upon it. Following his death a daffodil sprung from the ground where he died. It is the story of overindulgence in oneself and unrequited love.
In the poem "Alter? When the Hills Do" by Emily Dickinson she speaks of daffodils getting drunk on dew. The archaic definition of the word “surfeit” is “an illness caused or regarded as being caused by excessive eating or drinking,” and as a verb it means to “cause (someone) to desire no more of something as a result of having consumed or done it to excess.
Surfeit! When the Daffodil
Doth of the Dew-
Even as Herself-Sir-
I will-of You-
The idea of excess and surfeit is a key aspect of the proving. During the trituration provers stuffed their faces, and acted as if in a stupor of overindulgence --- a surfeit. In the two weeks following, their reaction to alcohol was as if they had had too much of it.
This proving was conducted in Buffalo, NY with five provers: two men and three women; one lesbian and four heterosexuals, four people of European descent and one Seneca. The substance, high fructose 42 (HFCS-42 = 42% fructose + 58% glucose) was obtained from a chocolate factory in Buffalo.
The trituration dynamics were staggeringly flat. The provers were zoned out and seemed incapable of interaction. They had trouble continuing a conversation. The only time the group exhibited any animation was around food. When we took breaks, they could not tear themselves away from the food to come back to the trituration. Provers actually stuffed their faces, and one had food running off his chin.
What conversation there was centered on food and abundance– canning and preserving food, processing bushels of tomatoes, cooking and eating grilled cheese and Tater Tots.
In the two weeks following the trituration, the proving surfaced themes of isolation and introversion, overindulgence, excess, and alcohol intolerance. Over the course of the proving many provers experienced an extreme reactivity to alcohol as well as ADD –type symptoms. This seems especially important in light of the links between HFCS consumption and non-alcohol induced fatty liver disease.
The dreams of the provers were particularly revealing. In the dreams we see a direct reflection of the indigenous meaning of corn, and issue of loss of lineage and ancestry through the following dream – not coincidentally from the Seneca prover:
a dream where I was at the Longhouse and I think I had to break in. I was there to take care of an old man. I was going to feed him. Then another man was there and told me what to feed him and he said it in Seneca. He used the word for a dish that’s made from corn and used for certain ceremonies or death feasts. I asked him when will I know when he’s done and the man said when he does this and spits out his food.
The themes of over-indulgence and deceit were represented in the dreams of daffodils of the same prover. The Latin name for a daffodil is Narcissus, famous in Greek mythology as the boy who loved his reflection so much that he wouldn't stop gazing upon it. Following his death a daffodil sprung from the ground where he died. It is the story of overindulgence in oneself and unrequited love.
In the poem "Alter? When the Hills Do" by Emily Dickinson she speaks of daffodils getting drunk on dew. The archaic definition of the word “surfeit” is “an illness caused or regarded as being caused by excessive eating or drinking,” and as a verb it means to “cause (someone) to desire no more of something as a result of having consumed or done it to excess.
Surfeit! When the Daffodil
Doth of the Dew-
Even as Herself-Sir-
I will-of You-
The idea of excess and surfeit is a key aspect of the proving. During the trituration provers stuffed their faces, and acted as if in a stupor of overindulgence --- a surfeit. In the two weeks following, their reaction to alcohol was as if they had had too much of it.
Proving
Alcohol/Drugs/Over Indulgence/Passing out
(The following two dreams represent surfeit)
4:2 A lot of short dreams. Dreamt about daffodils. Daffodils were present in almost every dream. I woke up a lot but for very short periods and would fall back to sleep.
4:2 Another dream I was standing outside surrounded by trees and daffodils were growing out of them-even in the dream I thought it was strange for daffodils to grow there.
4:5 Passed out HARD for 10 minutes while W watched TV.. my mouth was open!
4:6 Had a dream I was in a hotel with 2 old friends. We were looking for drugs. It was strange b/c I really didn’t want them and the person we were getting them from didn’t want to give them to us.
5:5 Slept very well last night after the wine!
5:5 Drank a beer while prepping dinner and then had a couple of glasses of red wine with dinner. Foiled A’s plan for a romantic night as I fell asleep very quickly – almost passed out. The wine really hit me much more than it typically would.
5:6 Feel fine when I first get up, but get a delayed hangover later in the morning – my head is a little dizzy, feel nauseous and like I can’t get enough to eat.
4:13 Dreamed last night about two friends. We were going to a concert at Town Ballroom. We got there and there was no show. We went looking to find out what was going on. In the meantime, I started making out with my friend. It was the same friend that J does not like. Then my other friend came back and she had a ton of tattoos and some white wine for us.
6:13 Woke up with a really bad “hung to the wall” type of hangover though I only had 3-4 beers the previous night. I’ve never felt so bad after so few beers.
Food
1:C1 As long as you do not eat it. It looks like fudge.
4:C1 Like I have food stuck and I am trying to clear it.
2:C2 I had a piece of that turkey and that was strong tasting and once you started to grind the taste went away.
2:C2 I cannot figure out this taste for the life of me.
2:C2 Craving chocolate and salt
4:C2 I was at my friend’s house and she has this really hyper dog and she would throw the dog whole pancakes. He ate like four of them.
5:C2 Like the jelly beans in Harry Potter the flavor changes.
5:C2 I know it tastes like onions.
6:C2 Have you tried all the colors (of M&Ms) maybe there is one that will bust through that taste!
5:C3 El Oasis. The fish there was so good. I have had nothing to compare to it even here in Buffalo
5:C3 I was carrying bushel baskets of tomatoes.
1:C3 Do you do a lot of canning?
5:C3 I do tomatoes and a few things I like and cannot find. Pickled beets.
2:C3 You know it is hard to make ketchup! I saw a recipe and it was very hard.
5:C3 We do not really like ketchup.
6:C3 Maybe if you made your own without corn syrup you would like it better.
6:C3 After you stopped serving tater tots.
1:C3 That is funny that is like the third time we have heard about Tater tots.
2:C3 Yeah at the Century grill has tater tots with Bacon
1:C3 So E and his friend and J were thinking of opening a grilled cheese place. Called musical melts.
5:C3 He came home from Ohio with this huge beer glass and it said Huge Freaken Beer.
6:C3 They had 22 ounces for 2.50 you had to indulge.
6:C3 Cheap beer and a lot of chicken.
6:C3 I have lots of good grilled cheese ideas.
4:12 Intense craving for soda today- it started yesterday, didn’t give in.
4:12 Also craved salt and olives. Earlier I was eating olive hummus on an olive roll.
Slowness/Stupor/Mesmerized/Sleepy
1:C1 Spacey kind of feeling.
2:C1 Mesmerized by the grinding to the left of me.
4:C1 Shortly after he started- I felt tingly- like the start of an LSD trip.
6:C1 Feeling kind of stoned, started singing Kris Kristofferson’s Sunday Morning Coming Down “…and I wish that I was stoned…” though I really don’t wish that.
4:C2 Sleepy- just want to put my head down- sleep.
5:C2 Very relaxed feeling, but involuntarily keep taking really deep breaths.
4:C3 Feel like I’ve been drinking.
4:C3 My head feels full of mush.
4:C3 Stoned, tingly sensation.
5:C3 Involuntarily started deep breathing again.
5:C3 Sleepy, keep yawning.
2:1 Very tired today. Really slowing me down.
4:1 Instantly felt buzzed and lightheaded. lasted a few moments then lessened.
4:1 Brain feels cobwebby/hazy/spacey.
5:1 I feel a calmness in the morning. I’m not multitasking as much as I typically do.
2:2 Heavily relying on senses to get me through my days… sight, sound, touch.. because I am so in my head and non-verbal.
6:2 After oversleeping and getting to work late, I had atypical high mental clarity and high sustained energy until mid day. Then after lunch I had continued mental clarity and energy throughout the day without the 2:00-3:00 low I typically hit. Overall, I felt a well-energized connection between mind and body that I haven’t felt in a long time (or much sense then).
2:3 Slept so soundly that I don’t remember my dreams. I remember I was dreaming and moving through them very quickly but can’t remember what they were about.
2:3 been sleeping really well, more soundly, but been very tired throughout the day. Multi-tasking keeps me focused and keeps me moving.
2:3 Time feels a little distorted. Moving very slow and warped. It takes me a few extra seconds to catch up.
4:3 Today has been good, just a little bit of spaciness. I felt really energized earlier, everything seemed brighter.
5:3 Wake up feeling so tired in the morning; so exhausted by evening and can’t wait to get to bed for a good night’s sleep.
2:4 Been very hard to wake up last few days because sleeping so soundly. Very tired by the end of the day. Heavy tired and when get in bed fall asleep very quickly and soundly.
2:5 Been sleeping so soundly that I don’t remember dreams or even moving. Been sleeping through the alarm. Don’t even hear it. I’m not groggy when I wake up, just slow moving. Slow to wake up my brain.
4:5 Space cadet! I can’t talk with out being tongue tied.
2:6 Didn’t sleep as soundly last night, but still slept very well. A lot more sound than usual.
2:7 Feeling like I am back to my regular sleep last night. Feeling like I am getting back to my “normal” self.
4:10 Was so sleepy again today.
5:10 Wake up very tired again – dog has me up during the night again.
Isolation/Introversion
5:C1 Feeling very disengaged from the group.
2:C2 Comfortable silence, feeling no pressure to talk. I am in my own world, but still connected with non-verbal cues and aware of surroundings.
6C2 Feel somewhat disengaged from the group and the process, introverted, quiet.
4:C3 Do not feel like talking.
2:TE Very quiet, introverted. I know what I want to say, but just didn’t feel the need to.
2:1 Very quiet, introverted. Know what I want to say but no need to say it. In my own world, but still connected and aware of surroundings.
2:1 Emotionally inside my head. In my own world inside me, but feeling emotion and just not letting it out. Like the kid outside the circle just kind of doing my own thing, but still connected in body. It’s not uncomfortable, just my own world. Dancing to my own tune.
2:1 Having trouble verbalizing what is in my head. I know what’s in there just can’t find the words.
2:1 Dream: wandered throughout the dream. Everything was familiar. Ran into an old friend who mentored me in a job when I was 18. She used to “take care of me” and look out for me. Wandered through the dream but not lost or scared. Friend was with me and she was my safety, my connection to the world outside of my head. Craved physical contact with her to feel safe. Felt lonely on the outside, but not on the inside. Seeking a connection with non-verbal cues. Found that in the friend I ran into.
5:1 I’m at work and not feeling very social or talkative this morning. I feel like whenever something doesn’t go right at work the finger is pointed at me (this is not reality). A coworker comes to me first thing in the morning and is kind of accusatory that I booked an appointment for a patient which resulted in a problem later. I didn’t even think it was an appointment that I booked since I didn’t remember the name. I apologize anyway, but feel very annoyed that I was blamed. Wonder, what am I doing working here? I wish I could just complete my studies and open my own office. I don’t feel like talking to anyone at all.
2:2 More introverted today. I just don’t feel the need for small talk or socializing with people, especially people I don’t know or trust. Very quiet outwards, but still going on my head inwardly.
2:3 Still feeling introverted. I’ve been in my head a lot. Still no small talk with people. Work has been interesting having to verbally communicate with people who I don’t really know or trust.
2:3 I had to go to a meeting tonight at someone’s house. I was quiet and observant. I was not liking all the distractions from the task at hand or anything that went off topic. I did not like the noise of more than one person speaking at once in an enclosed area. It was too much to handle. I was overwhelmed and over stimulated for my senses, hearing, seeing, touch. I also did not want to make small talk with anyone.
2:4 Finding that I am still introverted, but it is less in that I don’t mind people being present, just still don’t want the small talk.
2:4 Feeling of being in my own world is lessening a little, but still present.
5:4 I pick up my sister to go watch our kids play their soccer game. I’m still not feeling very social, it is an effort to make conversation. This is never a problem with my sister.
2:6 Introverted feeling is starting to lessen, but still present in situations with a lot of people I do not know.
6:6 Started feeling a little “off” around 4:00 en route to a party. L even asked if I was feeling alright because I was noticeably not myself. By 4:30 I realized (and L agreed) I was feeling introverted and withdrawn as I was during the trituration; also had very low energy. During the majority of the party I was much more comfortable sitting in the back corner watching and observing as opposed to mingling and socializing. This lasted until approximately 9:00 and then subsided.
4:8 I just want to be left alone for 1 hour. That’s all. Then I feel like I can catch my breath.
5:11 Whole day was very hurried and so late when I got home. I keep getting the feeling that there are too many things to manage and that I’m not able to do everything I have to. This is really tiring me out and making me irritable and asocial.
5:13 Go to a bridal shower for my niece and am not feeling very social. It takes me awhile and takes effort to be my talkative self.
Difficulty Communicating/Spelling/Focusing
2:TE Took me a minute to catch onto directions or what others were saying to me while skating at practice.
4:C3 Having problems processing what people are saying.
2:1 Having to think about the order of things. Spelling is very difficult for me. I am spelling words out of order. Having to really think about how things go. Also having trouble verbalizing. It’s in there, but just can’t find the words.
4:1 Keep walking in circles in my kitchen- either forgetting what I was doing or fidgety, restless/ not focused on what I need to do.
4:1 Hard to focus on multiple tasks or things that are not within arm’s reach, not always constant. Some moments of clarity.
2:2 Starting to stutter and combine words and letters from sayings… confusing letter from words together when speaking. Confusing letters from different words when I speak. Reading is fine, but reading out loud is difficult. Writing is ok to get out thoughts, but look back there are a lot of words misspelled. The correct letters just in wrong order.
2:2 I am not communicating very well.
2:3 Having trouble spelling again. Mixing up letters.
5:4 My head is itchy and it is so hard to focus and concentrate; my thoughts keep jumping from one thing to another.
2:6 Talking is getting better, but still spelling confused.
2:14 I noticed a lot of misspellings in my journal which is unusual because I don’t normally misspell words. I often felt like I wasn’t doing enough for the proving, I didn’t experience enough or journal enough. As though I was inadequate, that feeling went away after the proving. It was interesting to look back at my journal and see my experience differently, it was eventful and my dreams were crazy!
Non-verbal communication
2:1 Dream: wandered throughout the dream. Everything was familiar. Ran into an old friend who mentored me in a job when I was 18. She used to “take care of me” and look out for me. Wandered through the dream, but not lost or scared. Friend was with me and she was my safety, my connection to the world outside of my head. Craved physical contact with her to feel safe. Felt lonely on the outside but not on the inside. Seeking a connection with non-verbal cues. Found that in the friend I ran into.
2:1 Looking for non-verbal cues from people.
2:2 I am needing and craving non-verbal comfort from others. A touch, a smile a glance. I am almost craving it.
2:2 Heavily relying on senses to get me through my days… sight, sound, touch.. because I am so in my head and non-verbal.
Death/Spirituality
4:5 In one dream, The cast of Parks and Recreation was in it. Romantic feelings then turned into a dream where I was at the Longhouse and I think I had to break in. I was there to take care of an old man. I was going to feed him. Then another man was there and told me what to feed him and he said it in Seneca. He used the word for a dish that’s made from corn and used for certain ceremonies or death feasts. I asked him when will I know when he’s done and the man said when he does this and spits out his food.
4:5 Another dream was about the soul. There was a conversation about something unclear. I remember Bob Marley was in it and he was running a race, smiling with a narration about him being sick. Then the voice sounded like it was talking about me. How I was sick, but my kids saved my life. Then when Bob Marley was running and I could only see his back, I heard Martin Luther King Jr’s voice say, “I have been to the other side”. It’s from his I have a dream speech, but here he was referring to being to the other side spiritually. Here, I started thinking about Gandhi. Not sure if I saw him. The voice was saying when we die there are clothes, a robe, waiting for us.
4:7 Dream: Was about a friend of a friend. A woman named M. She’s nice, but I don’t really know her. There were other people and M was the center of the dream. Then I read in the dream that she was attacked and killed in a park, but I was still talking to her.
4:Extraction Corn ritual, Seneca traditions. All I know about this corn is that it is used for death feasts, which happens 10 days after a person dies. I’ve personally never eaten this corn (that I know of) and I’ve never grown it.
Anxiety/Foreboding/Danger
5:C1 Fluttery feeling in stomach, a sort of nervousness, anxiety.
1:C2 Anxious feeling behind sternum.
2:C2 Feeling in stomach and anticipation in my gut.
4:C2 Need to keep my hands busy.
5:C3 Jittery sensation in chest and stomach.
4:1 Stressing about moving- I want to move so bad.
6:1 Intense dream about a Shoot-out battle-type scene in which I first observe people being shot at as they charge up a hill to try and overtake a building. Then I find myself in a group of attackers charging up the hill towards the same building and we come under fire. I dive into a shallow ditch as a spray of bullets graze the sod just above my body and I’m sure I’m going to get hit, but I don’t. I think “…this is it, this is how I’m going to go out…” The scene changes quickly and now I’m in a group of fighters that are on patrol with one pistol that keeps falling apart. We have a few minor skirmishes (shoot outs) with the “enemy” (undefined and unclear who that is) and the dream ends with no one actually being shot.
4:2 Another dream had to do with my dad, but he wasn’t my dad in the dream. It was a really uncomfortable dream. Something didn’t feel right, I didn’t like it.
4:2 When I woke up (which was often) the first few times I would have a feeling of terror like I just had a horrible nightmare but I didn’t have a nightmare. Also, the feeling would last seconds and I would fall right back to sleep. Usually if I wake up from a nightmare, I would have trouble falling back asleep.
4:3 Another dream I was in a building. It was a serious dream. I remember being in a stairwell, sort of running from people.
4:3 Another dream was at a school dance, sort of jr. high or early high school. I was doing coke at the dance but it wasn’t real coke- fake coke with another girl. Someone was trying to bust us and she got up and it fell out of her pocket. He caught her, he tried to catch me. He checked my pockets, my nose and other places, but I told him it wasn’t real, drug test me blah blah- dream ended after that.
2:4 Had a dream last night about playing roller derby. I remember only wanting to skate with very specific people and I was anxious about skating with anyone else. These specific people were friends I know and trust. I was feeling super human and doing things that not many people can do. The dream was very vivid.
2:6 I dreamt last night very vividly. I was in a house that was mine, but it is not where I live now. It was a condo like flat in a hotel. It was all warm colors and dark wood with dark lighting, almost amber colored, like the lamp covers were amber colored glass. All the fixtures were an old style, either hanging chandeliers or wall sconces with very high ceilings. All the wood was dark, dark window frames, dark doors, dark wood trim, dark wood crown molding framing the ceilings; wood paneling that went half way up the walls with a small lip at the top. The colors were warm colors like fall colors, deep reds, deep oranges, deep dark yellows. The furniture was the same. Deep, rich colors that were very comfortable and inviting. There was a huge, ornate dark wood fireplace in the living room. We were invited by friends to go for sushi/seafood to a restaurant on the water front. There were two people who wanted to meet me specifically. I had no clue who they were. Both were women with dark hair. We were picked up out front and we all rode in one car. I was not comfortable at all. I did not want to meet these people. I didn’t trust them; I didn’t know their motives and I didn’t know their intentions. We arrived at the restaurant and it was a huge place on the waterfront. There were piers and boats docked along the cement walls. It was warm out and a lot of people were around. It was night time. For some reason I had on a bathing suit like garment on under my clothes. When we got here I stared walking around and checking out the restaurant and found my way out to the patio that over looked the [piers and docks boats. I started walking down this long wide cement staircase and as I walked down I was taking off my clothes down to my swimming suit. I walked directly to the end of a pier and dove in. to my surprise I could breathe underwater. I was swimming underwater trying to get deep enough to avoid the motors on the boats. I just kept swimming. It felt very safe underwater. It was very warm and I felt very safe and secure and at home. The suit I was wearing was like a second skin. It was dark with a fish like scale shimmer that was dark green and purple and black. It was a one piece suit that was a tank on top and bike short length shorts. There was no zipper. I swam for a while before I came to the surface. I was now away from the harbor. I surfaced in a area where homes were lined up along the banks with private boat docks. It was very green and felt like a swamp. Like the swamps you see in the south. I got out of the water and entered a house I thought I knew and came across an ex-girlfriend. I was extremely uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be there. They saw me and I dove back into the water and almost got clipped by a motor underwater and swam away. I remember the water being very shallow and murky and cloudy with a lot of boat traffic and I couldn’t see very well. I just wanted to be where I felt safe. I remember how everything tasted, smelled, sounded felt on my skin.
5:6 DREAM – I was out in the middle of nowhere with a fork in the road. I wasn’t sure which way to go, but there was a large computer screen (blackboard size). I was looking for the directions on the screen. When I pulled up the directions the screen looked like Mac Repertory (was working on a case for someone. It was taking me awhile to find a remedy. She called me yesterday to see if I had a remedy for her yet. I hadn’t figured out which remedy yet, but want to make sure I’m finding the right one for her so that it helps her. There apparently was an underlying anxiety over this that made me dream of Mac Repertory).
5:7 I’m running ½ hour late to meet A. – makes me feel very anxious
6:7 Another dream, this was about me archery hunting on an open hillside. I was sitting watching for game below me when I sensed something behind me. I slowly turned to look over my right shoulder and saw a mountain lion size cat stalking and watching me. He never attacked but made a big, slow, arching circle behind me while watching me the whole time. In doing so, he headed toward my hunting partner who was oblivious to the whole scene unfolding. I could not get his attention to let him know what was going on. The scene ended with the cat walking out of sight, but I do recall being anxious over the fact that the hunter quickly and quietly became the hunted.
4:9 I feel like a plate spinner so many plates I’m trying to keep spinning and not let them fall. They all need me to keep them spinning but I can only spend a few moments on each.
4:12 Think I’m getting sick- yesterday a sick person was coughing all around me. Ick! she also hugged me because she’s moving away. I better not get her germs.
Chaos/Overwhelmed/Forgetful
5:1 DREAM: One of my Dad’s caretakers stops by my house and everything was in chaos. She just stopped to give my son a bunny sucker. She just made me feel like she was creating more chaos.
5:2 DREAM – My son and I were in a basement and gathering wood for a project. We were working and working to get something accomplished and not getting very far. The wood that we were gathering was scattered around in several different places.
5:2 I’m feeling very frustrated as I have been working all day and haven’t gotten to some of the things I really need to get done. I’m so tired and would just like to get to bed early and it’s always so late.
2:3 I had to go to a meeting tonight at someone’s house. I was quiet and observant. I was not liking all the distractions from the task at hand or anything that went off topic. I did not like the noise of more than one person speaking at once in an enclosed area. It was too much to handle. I was overwhelmed and over stimulated for my senses, hearing, seeing, touch. I also did not want to make small talk with anyone.
5:3 It was a very chaotic morning, I just feel like I’m not able to do everything and feel very irritable. I didn’t have the PMS irritability I typically get before my period, but I’m getting it now on day 3 of my period. Very indecisive this morning – I changed my clothes 3 times and was late for work.
2:4 Had the girls over for our weekly get together, Wino Wednesdays… was not too bad for me. I felt the overwhelming feeling coming on when there were more than 4 people and they were all talking at once. Over stimulated and overwhelmed. When we were outside on the porch it was not bad. Inside was too much. But I was not as overwhelmed like when we were at the meeting at someone else’s house. This was safe for me.
5:4 I was feeling an itchiness on my head and all over my body. After my son goes to bed, he comes back out and asks me if we can put different sheets on his bed since the dog has been on his bed and my son is itchy. Our dog had killed a fox a couple of days before this and the fox possibly had mange. We gave the dog a bath right away, but we’re noticing the dog is scratching too. After putting clean bedding on his bed, I start washing everything in hot water. I’m exhausted, but stay up late researching everything I can on mange and ways to eliminate it. Very obsessive thoughts about this the whole week – can’t get it out of my mind. I’m also very obsessive about cleaning/washing everything that the dog may have come in contact with. I try telling myself that this is not why I’m itchy. I wake up on Day 5 during the middle of the night because the dog is scratching. I let him outside, but can’t go back to sleep because I’m thinking about the possibility of mange – I’m creating a plan in my head of how I’ll get rid of this and the steps I’ll begin to take first thing in the morning. Continue washing, cleaning and vacuuming everything. The dog gets another bath.
4:5 Left my bag at movies, I just got up and walked out without it.
4:7 My mom remarked that I was noticeably forgetful.
5:7 Feeling generally overwhelmed by all of the things that have gotten ahead of me around the house. I’m having a hard time keeping up.
5:10 My dog has mange. I’m tired and hungry when I get home and don’t even know where to start with the whole thing with the dog and having to dip him in Sulphur. I feel like I’m going to have a complete meltdown. I just want A to help me, even though I know he has something else going on and can’t be at home. I call A anyway to see when he’ll be home even though I know what the answer is. I just break down and cry after talking to him. I go out for a long walk and cry it out. This whole mange thing has put me over the edge. After our walk, I do give the dog another bath and dip him even though I’m out in the dark doing it. I wash all of his beds again. I take another shower myself and feel less itchy afterward. I feel embarrassed that this has been too much for me. I still try telling myself that people can’t get this and that I should be realistic and put this out of my mind, but I don’t think it’s over yet.
5:11 Whole day was very hurried and so late when I got home. I keep getting the feeling that there are too many things to manage and that I’m not able to do everything I have to. This is really tiring me out and making me irritable and asocial.
5:11 I call the vet as the dog is still scratching. She instructs me to give him a lime/sulphur dip and to spray beds with Neem oil. She tells me humans can’t get this, but I keep thinking “why am I so itchy?” I think about this the whole way home – I immediately go in the bathroom and try looking at the back of my head with a mirror. I swear there are red streaks on my scalp. I’m really starting to lose my mind over this whole thing. It is making me sick. Feel like I could have a complete meltdown.
5:12 Get really pissed at A since he’s been gone every night this week and then tells me he is going to help his cousin in the morning with a project. I feel very overwhelmed with everything we have to do at our house and he is going to help someone else.
5:12 Feel like I completely decompensated this week – like I’m not able to handle the things that I always do. I feel like all of my usual symptoms have come back and can’t wait for the proving to be over so that I can get back on track.
5:13 Running late to get to bridal shower – why can’t I get it together and be where I need to.
Irritability
5:1 My son knows exactly how to aggravate me. He has such a closed mind and won’t give an inch. He forms opinions about things he hasn’t even experienced and I don’t understand that.
5:2 I tried explaining to J how the trituration portion of the proving went and then explained that we were to record our thoughts and symptoms over the next 2 weeks. J wasn’t really getting it, but it was coming across as her challenging what we were working on. She asks questions like she wants to understand and accept homeopathy, but then makes statements that imply she doesn’t believe me. I’m very frustrated and annoyed with her and wish the topic never came up.
4:3 It’s late afternoon and I’m really irritable. Trying not to be a total bitch to my son. He won’t stay seated and the table and its making me nuts.
4:4 Not in the mood to take W to school or C to playgroup. Ugh.
4:7 Woke up pissed and in a bad mood. My family better fucking watch it!
4:8 W isn’t listening to me and I keep snapping at him.
4:8 Overall bad mood.
5:8 Very frustrated – just want to work on a couple of things on my computer and my internet connection is giving me problems.
4:10 Totally blew up this evening. I lost my shit while drying C’s hair after bath. I was fine one minute then flipping out the next. I was slamming things, door and storming around the house. I normally don’t do that. I got frustrated because she kept getting into everything and couldn’t dry her hair. Also, I needed help, but it seemed useless to ask J because the last time I did, he said no! Not because he had something else to do, but because he just didn’t want to.
4:10 I have a headache- really aggravated right now.
5:10 Feeling very annoyed that I’m losing sleep because of the dog and I feel so tired.
4:11 I am more short tempered.
5:11 Whole day was very hurried and so late when I got home. I keep getting the feeling that there are too many things to manage and that I’m not able to do everything I have to. This is really tiring me out and making me irritable and asocial.
4:12 Kept snapping at my kids- I don’t like doing that. I feel like a bully. “pick on someone my own size”. I keep snapping at my cat too. It’s been going on throughout the proving.
4:13 Feel ok. Not tolerant of people climbing on me or in my space- I need at least 1 foot of personal space today.
4:14 Shut up.
4:14 I yelled at C- felt like a jerk.
4:14 Often this week I’d say to myself (about others) “get away from me” or “get out of my way”.
4:14 Get off of me.
Water
4:2 The one dream I remember most was there was a flood and I was in the affected part and the flood came back and I was looking down into a river, a small river.
4:3 First dream was a waterfall, I was behind/ above it- it was sunny then I was in front/ above it. It was sunny and both were high waterfalls.
2:6 I dreamt last night very vividly. I was in a house that was mine but it is not where I live now. It was a condo like flat in a hotel. It was all warm colors and dark wood with dark lighting, almost amber colored, like the lamp covers were amber colored glass. All the fixtures were an old style, either hanging chandeliers to wall sconces with very high ceilings. All the wood was dark, dark window frames, dark doors, dark wood trim, dark wood crown molding framing the ceilings, wood paneling that went half way up the walls with a small lips at the top. The colors were warm colors like fall colors, deep reds, deep oranges, deep dark yellows. The furniture was the same. Deep, rich colors that were very comfortable and inviting. There was a huge, ornate dark wood fireplace in the living room. We were invited by friends to go for sushi/seafood to a restaurant on the water front. There were two people who wanted to meet me specifically. I had no clue who they were. Both were women with dark hair. We were picked up out front and we all rode in one car. I was not comfortable at all. I did not want t meet these people. I didn’t trust them, I didn’t know their motives and I didn’t know their intentions. We arrived at the restaurant and it was a huge place on the waterfront. There were piers and boats docked along the cement walls. It was warm out and a lot of people were around. It was night time. For some reason I had on a bathing suit like garment on under my clothes. When we got here I stared walking around and checking out the restaurant and found my way out to the patio that over looked the [piers and docks boats. I started walking down this long wide cement staircase and as I walked down I was taking off my clothes down to my swimming suit. I walked directly to the end of a pier and dove in. to my surprise I could breathe underwater. I was swimming underwater trying to get deep enough to avoid the motors on the boats. I just kept swimming. It felt very safe underwater. It was very warm and I felt very safe and secure and at home. The suit I was wearing was like a second skin. It was dark with a fish like scale shimmer that was dark green and purple and black. It was a one piece suit that was a tank on top and bike short length shorts. There was no zipper. I swam for a while before I came to the surface. I was now away from the harbor. I surfaced in an area where homes were lined up along the banks with private boat docks. It was very green and felt like a swamp. Like the swamps you see in the south. I got out of the water and entered a house I thought I knew and came across an ex-girlfriend. I was extremely uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be there. They saw me and I dove back into the water and almost got clipped by a motor underwater and swam away. I remember the water being very shallow and murky and cloudy with a lot of boat traffic and I couldn’t see very well. I just wanted to be where I felt safe. I remember how everything tasted, smelled, sounded felt on my skin.
4:10 Had a dream that I was in an apartment that was flooding. It was during a party and the flooding was part of the attraction. It was cold water. I was confused but didn’t mind.
Animals
5:3 On my way to work, a black cat crossed in front of me. It makes me think of the old saying “Beware – a black cat has crossed your path.” Almost immediately after that, a deer ran across the road in front of me.
5:6 DREAM I was in a garage or barn somewhere. There was a snake in the middle of the floor. I was looking for either my Dad or my Father-in-law to help me, but couldn’t find them.
5:11 DREAM – another dream involving a snake in the middle of the room, but can’t remember any other details.
5:12 DREAM – I was out walking in our woods and a big deer came crashing through the trees pretty close to where I was. He hit his antlers on the trees and knocked them off. I went to find the antlers to show A. In the meantime, A came back into the woods to find me and I show him the antlers.
Repertory
Vertigo
4:4 Had a couple moments of vertigo today both times I was standing and suddenly felt like everything around me froze and I was the one moving- like a car or carnival ride coming to an abrupt stop, my head felt weird during it, towards the back and top and felt like I couldn’t see like my eyes were spinning.
4:6 Another quick episode of vertigo, felt like the other times.
5:6 Little bit dizzy, nauseous
4:10 Little bit of vertigo. Same feeling as before, but not as bad.
4:11 Felt ok today- little bit of vertigo.
4:12 Had some vertigo today.
Head Pain
1:C1 Pinpoint headache over left eye, head feels swollen and/or full of fluid.
4:C1 Quick short pain on right rear side of my head-only lasted for a few moments.
5:C1 Pressure right on top of head; strong pain in center of forehead.
6:C1 Very mild cheap champagne kind of buzz.
1:C2 Back of head feels think and heavy, headache in the center of brow.
2:C2 Left side head hurts above eye.
2:C2 Getting a headache at the back/base of head and goes through to the front/forehead area.
2:C2 Headache, back of head to center of forehead.
5:C3 Vice-type feeling around head with a dizzy feeling after.
2:1 Headache in front of head over eyebrows. Feels like steak thru form base to forehead.
2:1 Headache is continuing to get worse.
4:1 Slight throbbing across brow bone- stopped- now feeling it behind right eye/ brow bone.
4:1 Headache- forehead.
5:1 Pressure, dull ache right at top of head (? From being so tired) lasted most of the day.
2:2 Woke up with headache. Middle of forehead.
2:2 Headache got worse, had to take ibuprofen because it could not function.
5:2 Sinus headache issues most of the day, but not as bad as Day 1.
2:3 Woke up with a dull headache in the middle of my forehead but nothing like the past few days.
2:3 Debilitating headaches at same times every day… starts very abruptly around 1-2 pm and goes until 4pm. Fatigue, nauseous, want to be in the dark. Today was same times but not as bad.
5:3 Pressure on top of head.
2:4 Headaches stopped.
5:4 Pressure on top of head.
4:10 Headache today. Woke up and my brain felt dry- went walking but I felt so dehydrated. Still do at 9 pm.
Eye
1:C1 Left eyelid twitchy
1:C2 Eyes heavy and dry. Stabbing headache behind left eye. Eyelid is twitchy.
6:C2 Hot pin prick in the lower left eye socket and later in corner of right eye.
5:3 Eyes very swollen in morning with dark circles.
6:6 Late afternoon, evening, eyes feel heavy and tired like they do when I’m about to get a cold, fortunately I didn’t get one.
5:6 Right eyeball feels sore and watery.
4:8 Woke up with bloodshot eyes.
5:12 Right eyeball feels sore and watery.
4:14 My eyes were bloodshot after my shower.
4:14 Really dry eyes.
Vision
2:1 Eyesight is very crisp and sharp.
2:6 My vision is very crisp. I feel like I am seeing a lot of details close up as well as far away. It’s been a common thing.
Ear
2:C1 Right ear is bothering me. Pain is starting to move down into my neck and shoulder.
5:C1 Pressure both ears.
5:C2 Stabbing Right ear.
5:C2 Pressure both ears.
5:C3 Boring feeling behind both ears
5:1 Pressure both ears.
5:2 Pressure both ears.
5:3 Fullness in both ears.
5:8 Pressure in Right ear.
5:12 Pressure both ears.
Hearing
2:C1 Hearing is clouded today.
4:9 Thought I heard J’s voice but it wasn’t him- he wasn’t home- hallucination!
4:13 Heard my bedroom door open but it didn’t open! Weird I thought it was W, but it was nothing.
5:C1 Sound is muffled.
5:C2 Hearing diminished on left side.
6:5 Tinnitus (that I’ve had for years) seems slightly louder and more noticeable today. Usually this is a stress related symptom or caused by loud music if I was at a club the night before, but neither of those apply today.
6:6 Tinnitus is louder than normal again in the late afternoon and evening in conjunction with the returning introverted feeling.
6:12 Tinnitus seems more pronounced in the left ear today but it is the end of the week and I’m a little stressed due to multiple work deadlines today.
Nose
2:C1 Nose is itchy.
2:C1 Nose tingling… went in thru my nose and all the way to the tip of my tongue.
4:C1 Nose tingly-like inhaled powder/dust. almost numb in my nostrils.
4:C1 Another tingle.
4:C1 Nostrils feel very clear- different from this a.m.- because I woke up congested.
5:C1 Feels like there is a lump over the bridge of the nose.
6:C1 Sinuses feel really open and very unusually clear.
2:C2 Nose itchy again.
2:C3 Nose still itchy
4:C3 Keep thinking of drug references-drip down throat and numb nostrils reminded me of coke. I wanted to snort the substance.
6:C3 Twitchy, itchy nose.
5:1 Post nasal drip all day.
5:2 Very stuffed up on Right side in the morning when I awoke.
5:3 Nose very stuffed up – can’t breathe at all through nose.
4:5 My right nostril keeps running.
4:6 My nose is running, mostly right nostril won’t stop.
5:6 Wake up with bruised/sore spot on left side of nose (where glasses sit), but haven’t done anything to have a bruise here.
5:8 Left side of nose is blocked in morning.
4:12 Feels like my sinuses are draining down my throat.
Face
1:C1 Lips feel thick and numb.
5:C1 Lips feel full, thick and numb; smirk on face that I can’t get rid of.
5:C1 Stabbing, sharp pain over left eyebrow.
5:C2 Tightness in jaw; pressure/stabbing over Left eyebrow; biting lips.
5:C2 Tightness in jaw as soon as started scraping during trituration.
5:C3 Tightness in jaw that runs up right side of neck first, then moves to the left side of neck.
2:2 Jaw is tight and tired like I have been clenching my teeth.
2:2 Jaw has been tight all day.
2:3 Still have jaw tightness.
Mouth
2:C1 Tingle with tightness in jaw.
2:C1 Mouth tastes like iron, like blood.
5:C1 A lot of salivation; glands under tongue feel activated, keep swallowing; numb, tingly feeling upper gums.
6:C1 Mild, tingling sensation in upper lip.
6:C1 Intermittent tightening in my gums and back of my jaw.
2:C2 Iron/blood taste again.
2:C2 Tightness in jaw as soon as someone starts to grind it.
5:C2 A lot of salivation/swallowing.
2:C3 Less taste and jaw tension.
2:3 Same taste in mouth as from dirt. Iron, bloody taste.
4:3 Also, my nephew has a cold sore in the dream. A big one.
4:3 I also dreamed that C had cold sore and so did I, W did not. My sister pointed them out and said that I gave it to her.
5:3 Mouth is very dry – mouth breathing overnight.
4:7 Feels like I bit my tongue- but I know I didn’t. Hurts on right side-there is a little red dot on it.
Teeth
5:C1 Feel molars in lower jaw.
2:6 Jaw tension still there, like I am clenching my teeth.
Throat
1:C1 Throat irritation.
4:C1 Lump in throat- trouble swallowing.
4:C1 Lump is gone.
5:C1 Tightness in throat, lump in throat.
6:C1 Back of throat feels kind of tight and slightly sore.
2:C2 Hitting the back of my throat. Cycle of in through my nose, down my throat to back of tongue to mouth and lips.
5:C3 Lump in throat.
5:1 Tightness in throat right after dosing with 12C HFCS.
5:1 Scratchy throat with voice sounding hoarse.
5:2 Throat feels thick and full.
5:3 Scratchy throat.
5:8 Scratchy throat, hoarseness.
4:12 Throat feels a little tight.
5:13 Scratchy throat.
Stomach
5:C1 Fluttery feeling in stomach, nervous, anxious.
5:C2 Tightness in pit of stomach.
5:C3 Jittery feeling in stomach.
4:4 Intestines making weird noise. I feel okay though, ate as usual.
Rectum
5:8, 5:10 Itching, burning hemorrhoids.
5:9, 5:10, 5:13 Pressure/itching in rectum.
Urethra
5:8 Hypersensitivity around urethra and clitoris – feels like the sensation that I need to pass urine, but I really don’t have to go.
Urine
5:1 – 5:6 Not urinating as much as usual, the quantity is less and a small drop of urine remains after I feel like I’m done going. The small drop passes involuntarily after.
Bladder
4:2 Urinating often with urgency- don’t know if I’m just drinking more?
4:3 Still going to the bathroom more frequently with urgency.
4:4 Did feel urgency to go to bathroom again.
Female
5:1 Menses began 1 day early.
5:3 Menses very light, scanty; color is also pale, orange-red, but watery.
4:6 Started my period and I feel ugh! Only my 2nd period since C was born.
5:7 Discomfort around vagina, vulva after sex.
5:8, 5:9, 5:10 Pressure, burning, discomfort vagina, vulva.
Chest
6:C1 Upper body tingle, not isolated to just the chest.
5:C2 Tightness over sternum; tightness upper chest that moves toward armpits on both sides.
5:C3 Tightness in chest over heart (left side).
5:C3 Jittery sensation in chest.
6:C3 Some atypical deep breathing occasionally occurring, not as much as others experience… and then later an isolated BIG yawn.
5:1 Tightness over sternum.
5:6 Sharp pain through upper inside right breast – the pain goes at an angle toward the outside of the breast. There is also a tightness in the chest right in between right and left breast.
5:10 Very heavy, tender feeling in Right breast.
Back
5:1 Stiffness in neck and back – worse than my normal – definitely need to see chiropractor.
5:2 Stiffness, tension in neck and lower back.
5:3 Went for chiropractic adjustment – really need to get everything loosened up.
4:7 Woke up and my back really hurt.
4:9 My back really hurts today.
4:10 My lower back hurt again this a.m. until about noon.
4:13 Woke up with a knot in my shoulder/upper right back.
Extremities
2:C2 Right arm random pin prick sensations.
5:9 Fourth and fifth toe on right foot sore in the morning.
6:8 Noticed soreness in the front of my right shoulder socket. The soreness is similar to what I experience when I shot a lot of archery without warming up first. However, I’ve been shooting regularly so this shouldn’t be the cause. Intermittent pain that occurs 4-5 times throughout the day.
6:9 Same as day 8.
6:10 Same as day 9.
Sleep
5:1 Restless sleep, waking up often then feeling very tired in the morning with a scratchy throat.
4:2 Slept great.
4:3 I feel rested.
5:3 Restless sleep again, wake up from being so stuffed up and dry – feeling very tired in the morning.
4:4 Rough night last night. C woke up and when I went to get her, I thought I had been sleeping for hours, but it was only 11:30!
4:4 Both dreams took place at night. I don’t really feel rested, this a.m. and my back really hurts, which it is prone to do.
5:4 Sleep very soundly after chiropractic adjustment and feel so much better and rested, able to breathe better.
4:5 Slept alright, not as restful and awesome as the first 3 nights. Sleep is how it was before proving.
4:5 Passed out HARD for 10 minutes while W watched TV.. my mouth was open!
5:5 Slept very well last night after the wine!
4:8 Slept horrible last night.
4:11 Slept well last night.
5:11 Slept better and feel better able to handle things today.
Chill
4:C1 Just got a chill- very cold- freezing.
5:C1 Cold and shivery.
Generalities
4:C1 Feeling warm again- relaxed normal.
5:C2 Very relaxed.
4:1 Feel better with fresh air/windows down.
2:2 Liking music with heavy bass and beats. A lot of body sensations.
4:3 I just want to go outside for fresh air.
4:6 Stiff neck since yesterday. base of neck-spread over a little bit to shoulders.
4:8 I really need fresh air
5:2 Nagging, dry cough, congested, constantly clearing throat.
5:4, 5:6, 5:8, 5:9, 5:10, 5:11, 5:13 – feel itchy all over
4:14 My craving for soda near the end of the proving was intense, but did go away.
Miscellaneous Dreams:
4:4 Dream: I was now at a football game people were very rowdy and acting wild. One of my “friends” was swinging from a pole into a crowd. I wandered away and found my (real life) good friend J with her family. They were nice people and sweet, so I sat with them, but looked at them with amazement because they were not like the wild crowd.
4:6 Dream: I was at the Indian buffet, pregnant. Saw an old, dear friend, a guy that J does not like. I love seeing him b/c he is a good friend but J really dislikes him. Gives a feeling of secretiveness, like I’m being naughty. My friend is telling me what he’s up to. I’m intrigued then W wakes me up.
4:9 Another dream was at the fair where they have the demolition derby. There was an elephant ride that was sometimes a carousel. My nephew
was on it along with other brown skinned kids. They were dressed in Traditional Indian outfits.
Alcohol/Drugs/Over Indulgence/Passing out
(The following two dreams represent surfeit)
4:2 A lot of short dreams. Dreamt about daffodils. Daffodils were present in almost every dream. I woke up a lot but for very short periods and would fall back to sleep.
4:2 Another dream I was standing outside surrounded by trees and daffodils were growing out of them-even in the dream I thought it was strange for daffodils to grow there.
4:5 Passed out HARD for 10 minutes while W watched TV.. my mouth was open!
4:6 Had a dream I was in a hotel with 2 old friends. We were looking for drugs. It was strange b/c I really didn’t want them and the person we were getting them from didn’t want to give them to us.
5:5 Slept very well last night after the wine!
5:5 Drank a beer while prepping dinner and then had a couple of glasses of red wine with dinner. Foiled A’s plan for a romantic night as I fell asleep very quickly – almost passed out. The wine really hit me much more than it typically would.
5:6 Feel fine when I first get up, but get a delayed hangover later in the morning – my head is a little dizzy, feel nauseous and like I can’t get enough to eat.
4:13 Dreamed last night about two friends. We were going to a concert at Town Ballroom. We got there and there was no show. We went looking to find out what was going on. In the meantime, I started making out with my friend. It was the same friend that J does not like. Then my other friend came back and she had a ton of tattoos and some white wine for us.
6:13 Woke up with a really bad “hung to the wall” type of hangover though I only had 3-4 beers the previous night. I’ve never felt so bad after so few beers.
Food
1:C1 As long as you do not eat it. It looks like fudge.
4:C1 Like I have food stuck and I am trying to clear it.
2:C2 I had a piece of that turkey and that was strong tasting and once you started to grind the taste went away.
2:C2 I cannot figure out this taste for the life of me.
2:C2 Craving chocolate and salt
4:C2 I was at my friend’s house and she has this really hyper dog and she would throw the dog whole pancakes. He ate like four of them.
5:C2 Like the jelly beans in Harry Potter the flavor changes.
5:C2 I know it tastes like onions.
6:C2 Have you tried all the colors (of M&Ms) maybe there is one that will bust through that taste!
5:C3 El Oasis. The fish there was so good. I have had nothing to compare to it even here in Buffalo
5:C3 I was carrying bushel baskets of tomatoes.
1:C3 Do you do a lot of canning?
5:C3 I do tomatoes and a few things I like and cannot find. Pickled beets.
2:C3 You know it is hard to make ketchup! I saw a recipe and it was very hard.
5:C3 We do not really like ketchup.
6:C3 Maybe if you made your own without corn syrup you would like it better.
6:C3 After you stopped serving tater tots.
1:C3 That is funny that is like the third time we have heard about Tater tots.
2:C3 Yeah at the Century grill has tater tots with Bacon
1:C3 So E and his friend and J were thinking of opening a grilled cheese place. Called musical melts.
5:C3 He came home from Ohio with this huge beer glass and it said Huge Freaken Beer.
6:C3 They had 22 ounces for 2.50 you had to indulge.
6:C3 Cheap beer and a lot of chicken.
6:C3 I have lots of good grilled cheese ideas.
4:12 Intense craving for soda today- it started yesterday, didn’t give in.
4:12 Also craved salt and olives. Earlier I was eating olive hummus on an olive roll.
Slowness/Stupor/Mesmerized/Sleepy
1:C1 Spacey kind of feeling.
2:C1 Mesmerized by the grinding to the left of me.
4:C1 Shortly after he started- I felt tingly- like the start of an LSD trip.
6:C1 Feeling kind of stoned, started singing Kris Kristofferson’s Sunday Morning Coming Down “…and I wish that I was stoned…” though I really don’t wish that.
4:C2 Sleepy- just want to put my head down- sleep.
5:C2 Very relaxed feeling, but involuntarily keep taking really deep breaths.
4:C3 Feel like I’ve been drinking.
4:C3 My head feels full of mush.
4:C3 Stoned, tingly sensation.
5:C3 Involuntarily started deep breathing again.
5:C3 Sleepy, keep yawning.
2:1 Very tired today. Really slowing me down.
4:1 Instantly felt buzzed and lightheaded. lasted a few moments then lessened.
4:1 Brain feels cobwebby/hazy/spacey.
5:1 I feel a calmness in the morning. I’m not multitasking as much as I typically do.
2:2 Heavily relying on senses to get me through my days… sight, sound, touch.. because I am so in my head and non-verbal.
6:2 After oversleeping and getting to work late, I had atypical high mental clarity and high sustained energy until mid day. Then after lunch I had continued mental clarity and energy throughout the day without the 2:00-3:00 low I typically hit. Overall, I felt a well-energized connection between mind and body that I haven’t felt in a long time (or much sense then).
2:3 Slept so soundly that I don’t remember my dreams. I remember I was dreaming and moving through them very quickly but can’t remember what they were about.
2:3 been sleeping really well, more soundly, but been very tired throughout the day. Multi-tasking keeps me focused and keeps me moving.
2:3 Time feels a little distorted. Moving very slow and warped. It takes me a few extra seconds to catch up.
4:3 Today has been good, just a little bit of spaciness. I felt really energized earlier, everything seemed brighter.
5:3 Wake up feeling so tired in the morning; so exhausted by evening and can’t wait to get to bed for a good night’s sleep.
2:4 Been very hard to wake up last few days because sleeping so soundly. Very tired by the end of the day. Heavy tired and when get in bed fall asleep very quickly and soundly.
2:5 Been sleeping so soundly that I don’t remember dreams or even moving. Been sleeping through the alarm. Don’t even hear it. I’m not groggy when I wake up, just slow moving. Slow to wake up my brain.
4:5 Space cadet! I can’t talk with out being tongue tied.
2:6 Didn’t sleep as soundly last night, but still slept very well. A lot more sound than usual.
2:7 Feeling like I am back to my regular sleep last night. Feeling like I am getting back to my “normal” self.
4:10 Was so sleepy again today.
5:10 Wake up very tired again – dog has me up during the night again.
Isolation/Introversion
5:C1 Feeling very disengaged from the group.
2:C2 Comfortable silence, feeling no pressure to talk. I am in my own world, but still connected with non-verbal cues and aware of surroundings.
6C2 Feel somewhat disengaged from the group and the process, introverted, quiet.
4:C3 Do not feel like talking.
2:TE Very quiet, introverted. I know what I want to say, but just didn’t feel the need to.
2:1 Very quiet, introverted. Know what I want to say but no need to say it. In my own world, but still connected and aware of surroundings.
2:1 Emotionally inside my head. In my own world inside me, but feeling emotion and just not letting it out. Like the kid outside the circle just kind of doing my own thing, but still connected in body. It’s not uncomfortable, just my own world. Dancing to my own tune.
2:1 Having trouble verbalizing what is in my head. I know what’s in there just can’t find the words.
2:1 Dream: wandered throughout the dream. Everything was familiar. Ran into an old friend who mentored me in a job when I was 18. She used to “take care of me” and look out for me. Wandered through the dream but not lost or scared. Friend was with me and she was my safety, my connection to the world outside of my head. Craved physical contact with her to feel safe. Felt lonely on the outside, but not on the inside. Seeking a connection with non-verbal cues. Found that in the friend I ran into.
5:1 I’m at work and not feeling very social or talkative this morning. I feel like whenever something doesn’t go right at work the finger is pointed at me (this is not reality). A coworker comes to me first thing in the morning and is kind of accusatory that I booked an appointment for a patient which resulted in a problem later. I didn’t even think it was an appointment that I booked since I didn’t remember the name. I apologize anyway, but feel very annoyed that I was blamed. Wonder, what am I doing working here? I wish I could just complete my studies and open my own office. I don’t feel like talking to anyone at all.
2:2 More introverted today. I just don’t feel the need for small talk or socializing with people, especially people I don’t know or trust. Very quiet outwards, but still going on my head inwardly.
2:3 Still feeling introverted. I’ve been in my head a lot. Still no small talk with people. Work has been interesting having to verbally communicate with people who I don’t really know or trust.
2:3 I had to go to a meeting tonight at someone’s house. I was quiet and observant. I was not liking all the distractions from the task at hand or anything that went off topic. I did not like the noise of more than one person speaking at once in an enclosed area. It was too much to handle. I was overwhelmed and over stimulated for my senses, hearing, seeing, touch. I also did not want to make small talk with anyone.
2:4 Finding that I am still introverted, but it is less in that I don’t mind people being present, just still don’t want the small talk.
2:4 Feeling of being in my own world is lessening a little, but still present.
5:4 I pick up my sister to go watch our kids play their soccer game. I’m still not feeling very social, it is an effort to make conversation. This is never a problem with my sister.
2:6 Introverted feeling is starting to lessen, but still present in situations with a lot of people I do not know.
6:6 Started feeling a little “off” around 4:00 en route to a party. L even asked if I was feeling alright because I was noticeably not myself. By 4:30 I realized (and L agreed) I was feeling introverted and withdrawn as I was during the trituration; also had very low energy. During the majority of the party I was much more comfortable sitting in the back corner watching and observing as opposed to mingling and socializing. This lasted until approximately 9:00 and then subsided.
4:8 I just want to be left alone for 1 hour. That’s all. Then I feel like I can catch my breath.
5:11 Whole day was very hurried and so late when I got home. I keep getting the feeling that there are too many things to manage and that I’m not able to do everything I have to. This is really tiring me out and making me irritable and asocial.
5:13 Go to a bridal shower for my niece and am not feeling very social. It takes me awhile and takes effort to be my talkative self.
Difficulty Communicating/Spelling/Focusing
2:TE Took me a minute to catch onto directions or what others were saying to me while skating at practice.
4:C3 Having problems processing what people are saying.
2:1 Having to think about the order of things. Spelling is very difficult for me. I am spelling words out of order. Having to really think about how things go. Also having trouble verbalizing. It’s in there, but just can’t find the words.
4:1 Keep walking in circles in my kitchen- either forgetting what I was doing or fidgety, restless/ not focused on what I need to do.
4:1 Hard to focus on multiple tasks or things that are not within arm’s reach, not always constant. Some moments of clarity.
2:2 Starting to stutter and combine words and letters from sayings… confusing letter from words together when speaking. Confusing letters from different words when I speak. Reading is fine, but reading out loud is difficult. Writing is ok to get out thoughts, but look back there are a lot of words misspelled. The correct letters just in wrong order.
2:2 I am not communicating very well.
2:3 Having trouble spelling again. Mixing up letters.
5:4 My head is itchy and it is so hard to focus and concentrate; my thoughts keep jumping from one thing to another.
2:6 Talking is getting better, but still spelling confused.
2:14 I noticed a lot of misspellings in my journal which is unusual because I don’t normally misspell words. I often felt like I wasn’t doing enough for the proving, I didn’t experience enough or journal enough. As though I was inadequate, that feeling went away after the proving. It was interesting to look back at my journal and see my experience differently, it was eventful and my dreams were crazy!
Non-verbal communication
2:1 Dream: wandered throughout the dream. Everything was familiar. Ran into an old friend who mentored me in a job when I was 18. She used to “take care of me” and look out for me. Wandered through the dream, but not lost or scared. Friend was with me and she was my safety, my connection to the world outside of my head. Craved physical contact with her to feel safe. Felt lonely on the outside but not on the inside. Seeking a connection with non-verbal cues. Found that in the friend I ran into.
2:1 Looking for non-verbal cues from people.
2:2 I am needing and craving non-verbal comfort from others. A touch, a smile a glance. I am almost craving it.
2:2 Heavily relying on senses to get me through my days… sight, sound, touch.. because I am so in my head and non-verbal.
Death/Spirituality
4:5 In one dream, The cast of Parks and Recreation was in it. Romantic feelings then turned into a dream where I was at the Longhouse and I think I had to break in. I was there to take care of an old man. I was going to feed him. Then another man was there and told me what to feed him and he said it in Seneca. He used the word for a dish that’s made from corn and used for certain ceremonies or death feasts. I asked him when will I know when he’s done and the man said when he does this and spits out his food.
4:5 Another dream was about the soul. There was a conversation about something unclear. I remember Bob Marley was in it and he was running a race, smiling with a narration about him being sick. Then the voice sounded like it was talking about me. How I was sick, but my kids saved my life. Then when Bob Marley was running and I could only see his back, I heard Martin Luther King Jr’s voice say, “I have been to the other side”. It’s from his I have a dream speech, but here he was referring to being to the other side spiritually. Here, I started thinking about Gandhi. Not sure if I saw him. The voice was saying when we die there are clothes, a robe, waiting for us.
4:7 Dream: Was about a friend of a friend. A woman named M. She’s nice, but I don’t really know her. There were other people and M was the center of the dream. Then I read in the dream that she was attacked and killed in a park, but I was still talking to her.
4:Extraction Corn ritual, Seneca traditions. All I know about this corn is that it is used for death feasts, which happens 10 days after a person dies. I’ve personally never eaten this corn (that I know of) and I’ve never grown it.
Anxiety/Foreboding/Danger
5:C1 Fluttery feeling in stomach, a sort of nervousness, anxiety.
1:C2 Anxious feeling behind sternum.
2:C2 Feeling in stomach and anticipation in my gut.
4:C2 Need to keep my hands busy.
5:C3 Jittery sensation in chest and stomach.
4:1 Stressing about moving- I want to move so bad.
6:1 Intense dream about a Shoot-out battle-type scene in which I first observe people being shot at as they charge up a hill to try and overtake a building. Then I find myself in a group of attackers charging up the hill towards the same building and we come under fire. I dive into a shallow ditch as a spray of bullets graze the sod just above my body and I’m sure I’m going to get hit, but I don’t. I think “…this is it, this is how I’m going to go out…” The scene changes quickly and now I’m in a group of fighters that are on patrol with one pistol that keeps falling apart. We have a few minor skirmishes (shoot outs) with the “enemy” (undefined and unclear who that is) and the dream ends with no one actually being shot.
4:2 Another dream had to do with my dad, but he wasn’t my dad in the dream. It was a really uncomfortable dream. Something didn’t feel right, I didn’t like it.
4:2 When I woke up (which was often) the first few times I would have a feeling of terror like I just had a horrible nightmare but I didn’t have a nightmare. Also, the feeling would last seconds and I would fall right back to sleep. Usually if I wake up from a nightmare, I would have trouble falling back asleep.
4:3 Another dream I was in a building. It was a serious dream. I remember being in a stairwell, sort of running from people.
4:3 Another dream was at a school dance, sort of jr. high or early high school. I was doing coke at the dance but it wasn’t real coke- fake coke with another girl. Someone was trying to bust us and she got up and it fell out of her pocket. He caught her, he tried to catch me. He checked my pockets, my nose and other places, but I told him it wasn’t real, drug test me blah blah- dream ended after that.
2:4 Had a dream last night about playing roller derby. I remember only wanting to skate with very specific people and I was anxious about skating with anyone else. These specific people were friends I know and trust. I was feeling super human and doing things that not many people can do. The dream was very vivid.
2:6 I dreamt last night very vividly. I was in a house that was mine, but it is not where I live now. It was a condo like flat in a hotel. It was all warm colors and dark wood with dark lighting, almost amber colored, like the lamp covers were amber colored glass. All the fixtures were an old style, either hanging chandeliers or wall sconces with very high ceilings. All the wood was dark, dark window frames, dark doors, dark wood trim, dark wood crown molding framing the ceilings; wood paneling that went half way up the walls with a small lip at the top. The colors were warm colors like fall colors, deep reds, deep oranges, deep dark yellows. The furniture was the same. Deep, rich colors that were very comfortable and inviting. There was a huge, ornate dark wood fireplace in the living room. We were invited by friends to go for sushi/seafood to a restaurant on the water front. There were two people who wanted to meet me specifically. I had no clue who they were. Both were women with dark hair. We were picked up out front and we all rode in one car. I was not comfortable at all. I did not want to meet these people. I didn’t trust them; I didn’t know their motives and I didn’t know their intentions. We arrived at the restaurant and it was a huge place on the waterfront. There were piers and boats docked along the cement walls. It was warm out and a lot of people were around. It was night time. For some reason I had on a bathing suit like garment on under my clothes. When we got here I stared walking around and checking out the restaurant and found my way out to the patio that over looked the [piers and docks boats. I started walking down this long wide cement staircase and as I walked down I was taking off my clothes down to my swimming suit. I walked directly to the end of a pier and dove in. to my surprise I could breathe underwater. I was swimming underwater trying to get deep enough to avoid the motors on the boats. I just kept swimming. It felt very safe underwater. It was very warm and I felt very safe and secure and at home. The suit I was wearing was like a second skin. It was dark with a fish like scale shimmer that was dark green and purple and black. It was a one piece suit that was a tank on top and bike short length shorts. There was no zipper. I swam for a while before I came to the surface. I was now away from the harbor. I surfaced in a area where homes were lined up along the banks with private boat docks. It was very green and felt like a swamp. Like the swamps you see in the south. I got out of the water and entered a house I thought I knew and came across an ex-girlfriend. I was extremely uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be there. They saw me and I dove back into the water and almost got clipped by a motor underwater and swam away. I remember the water being very shallow and murky and cloudy with a lot of boat traffic and I couldn’t see very well. I just wanted to be where I felt safe. I remember how everything tasted, smelled, sounded felt on my skin.
5:6 DREAM – I was out in the middle of nowhere with a fork in the road. I wasn’t sure which way to go, but there was a large computer screen (blackboard size). I was looking for the directions on the screen. When I pulled up the directions the screen looked like Mac Repertory (was working on a case for someone. It was taking me awhile to find a remedy. She called me yesterday to see if I had a remedy for her yet. I hadn’t figured out which remedy yet, but want to make sure I’m finding the right one for her so that it helps her. There apparently was an underlying anxiety over this that made me dream of Mac Repertory).
5:7 I’m running ½ hour late to meet A. – makes me feel very anxious
6:7 Another dream, this was about me archery hunting on an open hillside. I was sitting watching for game below me when I sensed something behind me. I slowly turned to look over my right shoulder and saw a mountain lion size cat stalking and watching me. He never attacked but made a big, slow, arching circle behind me while watching me the whole time. In doing so, he headed toward my hunting partner who was oblivious to the whole scene unfolding. I could not get his attention to let him know what was going on. The scene ended with the cat walking out of sight, but I do recall being anxious over the fact that the hunter quickly and quietly became the hunted.
4:9 I feel like a plate spinner so many plates I’m trying to keep spinning and not let them fall. They all need me to keep them spinning but I can only spend a few moments on each.
4:12 Think I’m getting sick- yesterday a sick person was coughing all around me. Ick! she also hugged me because she’s moving away. I better not get her germs.
Chaos/Overwhelmed/Forgetful
5:1 DREAM: One of my Dad’s caretakers stops by my house and everything was in chaos. She just stopped to give my son a bunny sucker. She just made me feel like she was creating more chaos.
5:2 DREAM – My son and I were in a basement and gathering wood for a project. We were working and working to get something accomplished and not getting very far. The wood that we were gathering was scattered around in several different places.
5:2 I’m feeling very frustrated as I have been working all day and haven’t gotten to some of the things I really need to get done. I’m so tired and would just like to get to bed early and it’s always so late.
2:3 I had to go to a meeting tonight at someone’s house. I was quiet and observant. I was not liking all the distractions from the task at hand or anything that went off topic. I did not like the noise of more than one person speaking at once in an enclosed area. It was too much to handle. I was overwhelmed and over stimulated for my senses, hearing, seeing, touch. I also did not want to make small talk with anyone.
5:3 It was a very chaotic morning, I just feel like I’m not able to do everything and feel very irritable. I didn’t have the PMS irritability I typically get before my period, but I’m getting it now on day 3 of my period. Very indecisive this morning – I changed my clothes 3 times and was late for work.
2:4 Had the girls over for our weekly get together, Wino Wednesdays… was not too bad for me. I felt the overwhelming feeling coming on when there were more than 4 people and they were all talking at once. Over stimulated and overwhelmed. When we were outside on the porch it was not bad. Inside was too much. But I was not as overwhelmed like when we were at the meeting at someone else’s house. This was safe for me.
5:4 I was feeling an itchiness on my head and all over my body. After my son goes to bed, he comes back out and asks me if we can put different sheets on his bed since the dog has been on his bed and my son is itchy. Our dog had killed a fox a couple of days before this and the fox possibly had mange. We gave the dog a bath right away, but we’re noticing the dog is scratching too. After putting clean bedding on his bed, I start washing everything in hot water. I’m exhausted, but stay up late researching everything I can on mange and ways to eliminate it. Very obsessive thoughts about this the whole week – can’t get it out of my mind. I’m also very obsessive about cleaning/washing everything that the dog may have come in contact with. I try telling myself that this is not why I’m itchy. I wake up on Day 5 during the middle of the night because the dog is scratching. I let him outside, but can’t go back to sleep because I’m thinking about the possibility of mange – I’m creating a plan in my head of how I’ll get rid of this and the steps I’ll begin to take first thing in the morning. Continue washing, cleaning and vacuuming everything. The dog gets another bath.
4:5 Left my bag at movies, I just got up and walked out without it.
4:7 My mom remarked that I was noticeably forgetful.
5:7 Feeling generally overwhelmed by all of the things that have gotten ahead of me around the house. I’m having a hard time keeping up.
5:10 My dog has mange. I’m tired and hungry when I get home and don’t even know where to start with the whole thing with the dog and having to dip him in Sulphur. I feel like I’m going to have a complete meltdown. I just want A to help me, even though I know he has something else going on and can’t be at home. I call A anyway to see when he’ll be home even though I know what the answer is. I just break down and cry after talking to him. I go out for a long walk and cry it out. This whole mange thing has put me over the edge. After our walk, I do give the dog another bath and dip him even though I’m out in the dark doing it. I wash all of his beds again. I take another shower myself and feel less itchy afterward. I feel embarrassed that this has been too much for me. I still try telling myself that people can’t get this and that I should be realistic and put this out of my mind, but I don’t think it’s over yet.
5:11 Whole day was very hurried and so late when I got home. I keep getting the feeling that there are too many things to manage and that I’m not able to do everything I have to. This is really tiring me out and making me irritable and asocial.
5:11 I call the vet as the dog is still scratching. She instructs me to give him a lime/sulphur dip and to spray beds with Neem oil. She tells me humans can’t get this, but I keep thinking “why am I so itchy?” I think about this the whole way home – I immediately go in the bathroom and try looking at the back of my head with a mirror. I swear there are red streaks on my scalp. I’m really starting to lose my mind over this whole thing. It is making me sick. Feel like I could have a complete meltdown.
5:12 Get really pissed at A since he’s been gone every night this week and then tells me he is going to help his cousin in the morning with a project. I feel very overwhelmed with everything we have to do at our house and he is going to help someone else.
5:12 Feel like I completely decompensated this week – like I’m not able to handle the things that I always do. I feel like all of my usual symptoms have come back and can’t wait for the proving to be over so that I can get back on track.
5:13 Running late to get to bridal shower – why can’t I get it together and be where I need to.
Irritability
5:1 My son knows exactly how to aggravate me. He has such a closed mind and won’t give an inch. He forms opinions about things he hasn’t even experienced and I don’t understand that.
5:2 I tried explaining to J how the trituration portion of the proving went and then explained that we were to record our thoughts and symptoms over the next 2 weeks. J wasn’t really getting it, but it was coming across as her challenging what we were working on. She asks questions like she wants to understand and accept homeopathy, but then makes statements that imply she doesn’t believe me. I’m very frustrated and annoyed with her and wish the topic never came up.
4:3 It’s late afternoon and I’m really irritable. Trying not to be a total bitch to my son. He won’t stay seated and the table and its making me nuts.
4:4 Not in the mood to take W to school or C to playgroup. Ugh.
4:7 Woke up pissed and in a bad mood. My family better fucking watch it!
4:8 W isn’t listening to me and I keep snapping at him.
4:8 Overall bad mood.
5:8 Very frustrated – just want to work on a couple of things on my computer and my internet connection is giving me problems.
4:10 Totally blew up this evening. I lost my shit while drying C’s hair after bath. I was fine one minute then flipping out the next. I was slamming things, door and storming around the house. I normally don’t do that. I got frustrated because she kept getting into everything and couldn’t dry her hair. Also, I needed help, but it seemed useless to ask J because the last time I did, he said no! Not because he had something else to do, but because he just didn’t want to.
4:10 I have a headache- really aggravated right now.
5:10 Feeling very annoyed that I’m losing sleep because of the dog and I feel so tired.
4:11 I am more short tempered.
5:11 Whole day was very hurried and so late when I got home. I keep getting the feeling that there are too many things to manage and that I’m not able to do everything I have to. This is really tiring me out and making me irritable and asocial.
4:12 Kept snapping at my kids- I don’t like doing that. I feel like a bully. “pick on someone my own size”. I keep snapping at my cat too. It’s been going on throughout the proving.
4:13 Feel ok. Not tolerant of people climbing on me or in my space- I need at least 1 foot of personal space today.
4:14 Shut up.
4:14 I yelled at C- felt like a jerk.
4:14 Often this week I’d say to myself (about others) “get away from me” or “get out of my way”.
4:14 Get off of me.
Water
4:2 The one dream I remember most was there was a flood and I was in the affected part and the flood came back and I was looking down into a river, a small river.
4:3 First dream was a waterfall, I was behind/ above it- it was sunny then I was in front/ above it. It was sunny and both were high waterfalls.
2:6 I dreamt last night very vividly. I was in a house that was mine but it is not where I live now. It was a condo like flat in a hotel. It was all warm colors and dark wood with dark lighting, almost amber colored, like the lamp covers were amber colored glass. All the fixtures were an old style, either hanging chandeliers to wall sconces with very high ceilings. All the wood was dark, dark window frames, dark doors, dark wood trim, dark wood crown molding framing the ceilings, wood paneling that went half way up the walls with a small lips at the top. The colors were warm colors like fall colors, deep reds, deep oranges, deep dark yellows. The furniture was the same. Deep, rich colors that were very comfortable and inviting. There was a huge, ornate dark wood fireplace in the living room. We were invited by friends to go for sushi/seafood to a restaurant on the water front. There were two people who wanted to meet me specifically. I had no clue who they were. Both were women with dark hair. We were picked up out front and we all rode in one car. I was not comfortable at all. I did not want t meet these people. I didn’t trust them, I didn’t know their motives and I didn’t know their intentions. We arrived at the restaurant and it was a huge place on the waterfront. There were piers and boats docked along the cement walls. It was warm out and a lot of people were around. It was night time. For some reason I had on a bathing suit like garment on under my clothes. When we got here I stared walking around and checking out the restaurant and found my way out to the patio that over looked the [piers and docks boats. I started walking down this long wide cement staircase and as I walked down I was taking off my clothes down to my swimming suit. I walked directly to the end of a pier and dove in. to my surprise I could breathe underwater. I was swimming underwater trying to get deep enough to avoid the motors on the boats. I just kept swimming. It felt very safe underwater. It was very warm and I felt very safe and secure and at home. The suit I was wearing was like a second skin. It was dark with a fish like scale shimmer that was dark green and purple and black. It was a one piece suit that was a tank on top and bike short length shorts. There was no zipper. I swam for a while before I came to the surface. I was now away from the harbor. I surfaced in an area where homes were lined up along the banks with private boat docks. It was very green and felt like a swamp. Like the swamps you see in the south. I got out of the water and entered a house I thought I knew and came across an ex-girlfriend. I was extremely uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be there. They saw me and I dove back into the water and almost got clipped by a motor underwater and swam away. I remember the water being very shallow and murky and cloudy with a lot of boat traffic and I couldn’t see very well. I just wanted to be where I felt safe. I remember how everything tasted, smelled, sounded felt on my skin.
4:10 Had a dream that I was in an apartment that was flooding. It was during a party and the flooding was part of the attraction. It was cold water. I was confused but didn’t mind.
Animals
5:3 On my way to work, a black cat crossed in front of me. It makes me think of the old saying “Beware – a black cat has crossed your path.” Almost immediately after that, a deer ran across the road in front of me.
5:6 DREAM I was in a garage or barn somewhere. There was a snake in the middle of the floor. I was looking for either my Dad or my Father-in-law to help me, but couldn’t find them.
5:11 DREAM – another dream involving a snake in the middle of the room, but can’t remember any other details.
5:12 DREAM – I was out walking in our woods and a big deer came crashing through the trees pretty close to where I was. He hit his antlers on the trees and knocked them off. I went to find the antlers to show A. In the meantime, A came back into the woods to find me and I show him the antlers.
Repertory
Vertigo
4:4 Had a couple moments of vertigo today both times I was standing and suddenly felt like everything around me froze and I was the one moving- like a car or carnival ride coming to an abrupt stop, my head felt weird during it, towards the back and top and felt like I couldn’t see like my eyes were spinning.
4:6 Another quick episode of vertigo, felt like the other times.
5:6 Little bit dizzy, nauseous
4:10 Little bit of vertigo. Same feeling as before, but not as bad.
4:11 Felt ok today- little bit of vertigo.
4:12 Had some vertigo today.
Head Pain
1:C1 Pinpoint headache over left eye, head feels swollen and/or full of fluid.
4:C1 Quick short pain on right rear side of my head-only lasted for a few moments.
5:C1 Pressure right on top of head; strong pain in center of forehead.
6:C1 Very mild cheap champagne kind of buzz.
1:C2 Back of head feels think and heavy, headache in the center of brow.
2:C2 Left side head hurts above eye.
2:C2 Getting a headache at the back/base of head and goes through to the front/forehead area.
2:C2 Headache, back of head to center of forehead.
5:C3 Vice-type feeling around head with a dizzy feeling after.
2:1 Headache in front of head over eyebrows. Feels like steak thru form base to forehead.
2:1 Headache is continuing to get worse.
4:1 Slight throbbing across brow bone- stopped- now feeling it behind right eye/ brow bone.
4:1 Headache- forehead.
5:1 Pressure, dull ache right at top of head (? From being so tired) lasted most of the day.
2:2 Woke up with headache. Middle of forehead.
2:2 Headache got worse, had to take ibuprofen because it could not function.
5:2 Sinus headache issues most of the day, but not as bad as Day 1.
2:3 Woke up with a dull headache in the middle of my forehead but nothing like the past few days.
2:3 Debilitating headaches at same times every day… starts very abruptly around 1-2 pm and goes until 4pm. Fatigue, nauseous, want to be in the dark. Today was same times but not as bad.
5:3 Pressure on top of head.
2:4 Headaches stopped.
5:4 Pressure on top of head.
4:10 Headache today. Woke up and my brain felt dry- went walking but I felt so dehydrated. Still do at 9 pm.
Eye
1:C1 Left eyelid twitchy
1:C2 Eyes heavy and dry. Stabbing headache behind left eye. Eyelid is twitchy.
6:C2 Hot pin prick in the lower left eye socket and later in corner of right eye.
5:3 Eyes very swollen in morning with dark circles.
6:6 Late afternoon, evening, eyes feel heavy and tired like they do when I’m about to get a cold, fortunately I didn’t get one.
5:6 Right eyeball feels sore and watery.
4:8 Woke up with bloodshot eyes.
5:12 Right eyeball feels sore and watery.
4:14 My eyes were bloodshot after my shower.
4:14 Really dry eyes.
Vision
2:1 Eyesight is very crisp and sharp.
2:6 My vision is very crisp. I feel like I am seeing a lot of details close up as well as far away. It’s been a common thing.
Ear
2:C1 Right ear is bothering me. Pain is starting to move down into my neck and shoulder.
5:C1 Pressure both ears.
5:C2 Stabbing Right ear.
5:C2 Pressure both ears.
5:C3 Boring feeling behind both ears
5:1 Pressure both ears.
5:2 Pressure both ears.
5:3 Fullness in both ears.
5:8 Pressure in Right ear.
5:12 Pressure both ears.
Hearing
2:C1 Hearing is clouded today.
4:9 Thought I heard J’s voice but it wasn’t him- he wasn’t home- hallucination!
4:13 Heard my bedroom door open but it didn’t open! Weird I thought it was W, but it was nothing.
5:C1 Sound is muffled.
5:C2 Hearing diminished on left side.
6:5 Tinnitus (that I’ve had for years) seems slightly louder and more noticeable today. Usually this is a stress related symptom or caused by loud music if I was at a club the night before, but neither of those apply today.
6:6 Tinnitus is louder than normal again in the late afternoon and evening in conjunction with the returning introverted feeling.
6:12 Tinnitus seems more pronounced in the left ear today but it is the end of the week and I’m a little stressed due to multiple work deadlines today.
Nose
2:C1 Nose is itchy.
2:C1 Nose tingling… went in thru my nose and all the way to the tip of my tongue.
4:C1 Nose tingly-like inhaled powder/dust. almost numb in my nostrils.
4:C1 Another tingle.
4:C1 Nostrils feel very clear- different from this a.m.- because I woke up congested.
5:C1 Feels like there is a lump over the bridge of the nose.
6:C1 Sinuses feel really open and very unusually clear.
2:C2 Nose itchy again.
2:C3 Nose still itchy
4:C3 Keep thinking of drug references-drip down throat and numb nostrils reminded me of coke. I wanted to snort the substance.
6:C3 Twitchy, itchy nose.
5:1 Post nasal drip all day.
5:2 Very stuffed up on Right side in the morning when I awoke.
5:3 Nose very stuffed up – can’t breathe at all through nose.
4:5 My right nostril keeps running.
4:6 My nose is running, mostly right nostril won’t stop.
5:6 Wake up with bruised/sore spot on left side of nose (where glasses sit), but haven’t done anything to have a bruise here.
5:8 Left side of nose is blocked in morning.
4:12 Feels like my sinuses are draining down my throat.
Face
1:C1 Lips feel thick and numb.
5:C1 Lips feel full, thick and numb; smirk on face that I can’t get rid of.
5:C1 Stabbing, sharp pain over left eyebrow.
5:C2 Tightness in jaw; pressure/stabbing over Left eyebrow; biting lips.
5:C2 Tightness in jaw as soon as started scraping during trituration.
5:C3 Tightness in jaw that runs up right side of neck first, then moves to the left side of neck.
2:2 Jaw is tight and tired like I have been clenching my teeth.
2:2 Jaw has been tight all day.
2:3 Still have jaw tightness.
Mouth
2:C1 Tingle with tightness in jaw.
2:C1 Mouth tastes like iron, like blood.
5:C1 A lot of salivation; glands under tongue feel activated, keep swallowing; numb, tingly feeling upper gums.
6:C1 Mild, tingling sensation in upper lip.
6:C1 Intermittent tightening in my gums and back of my jaw.
2:C2 Iron/blood taste again.
2:C2 Tightness in jaw as soon as someone starts to grind it.
5:C2 A lot of salivation/swallowing.
2:C3 Less taste and jaw tension.
2:3 Same taste in mouth as from dirt. Iron, bloody taste.
4:3 Also, my nephew has a cold sore in the dream. A big one.
4:3 I also dreamed that C had cold sore and so did I, W did not. My sister pointed them out and said that I gave it to her.
5:3 Mouth is very dry – mouth breathing overnight.
4:7 Feels like I bit my tongue- but I know I didn’t. Hurts on right side-there is a little red dot on it.
Teeth
5:C1 Feel molars in lower jaw.
2:6 Jaw tension still there, like I am clenching my teeth.
Throat
1:C1 Throat irritation.
4:C1 Lump in throat- trouble swallowing.
4:C1 Lump is gone.
5:C1 Tightness in throat, lump in throat.
6:C1 Back of throat feels kind of tight and slightly sore.
2:C2 Hitting the back of my throat. Cycle of in through my nose, down my throat to back of tongue to mouth and lips.
5:C3 Lump in throat.
5:1 Tightness in throat right after dosing with 12C HFCS.
5:1 Scratchy throat with voice sounding hoarse.
5:2 Throat feels thick and full.
5:3 Scratchy throat.
5:8 Scratchy throat, hoarseness.
4:12 Throat feels a little tight.
5:13 Scratchy throat.
Stomach
5:C1 Fluttery feeling in stomach, nervous, anxious.
5:C2 Tightness in pit of stomach.
5:C3 Jittery feeling in stomach.
4:4 Intestines making weird noise. I feel okay though, ate as usual.
Rectum
5:8, 5:10 Itching, burning hemorrhoids.
5:9, 5:10, 5:13 Pressure/itching in rectum.
Urethra
5:8 Hypersensitivity around urethra and clitoris – feels like the sensation that I need to pass urine, but I really don’t have to go.
Urine
5:1 – 5:6 Not urinating as much as usual, the quantity is less and a small drop of urine remains after I feel like I’m done going. The small drop passes involuntarily after.
Bladder
4:2 Urinating often with urgency- don’t know if I’m just drinking more?
4:3 Still going to the bathroom more frequently with urgency.
4:4 Did feel urgency to go to bathroom again.
Female
5:1 Menses began 1 day early.
5:3 Menses very light, scanty; color is also pale, orange-red, but watery.
4:6 Started my period and I feel ugh! Only my 2nd period since C was born.
5:7 Discomfort around vagina, vulva after sex.
5:8, 5:9, 5:10 Pressure, burning, discomfort vagina, vulva.
Chest
6:C1 Upper body tingle, not isolated to just the chest.
5:C2 Tightness over sternum; tightness upper chest that moves toward armpits on both sides.
5:C3 Tightness in chest over heart (left side).
5:C3 Jittery sensation in chest.
6:C3 Some atypical deep breathing occasionally occurring, not as much as others experience… and then later an isolated BIG yawn.
5:1 Tightness over sternum.
5:6 Sharp pain through upper inside right breast – the pain goes at an angle toward the outside of the breast. There is also a tightness in the chest right in between right and left breast.
5:10 Very heavy, tender feeling in Right breast.
Back
5:1 Stiffness in neck and back – worse than my normal – definitely need to see chiropractor.
5:2 Stiffness, tension in neck and lower back.
5:3 Went for chiropractic adjustment – really need to get everything loosened up.
4:7 Woke up and my back really hurt.
4:9 My back really hurts today.
4:10 My lower back hurt again this a.m. until about noon.
4:13 Woke up with a knot in my shoulder/upper right back.
Extremities
2:C2 Right arm random pin prick sensations.
5:9 Fourth and fifth toe on right foot sore in the morning.
6:8 Noticed soreness in the front of my right shoulder socket. The soreness is similar to what I experience when I shot a lot of archery without warming up first. However, I’ve been shooting regularly so this shouldn’t be the cause. Intermittent pain that occurs 4-5 times throughout the day.
6:9 Same as day 8.
6:10 Same as day 9.
Sleep
5:1 Restless sleep, waking up often then feeling very tired in the morning with a scratchy throat.
4:2 Slept great.
4:3 I feel rested.
5:3 Restless sleep again, wake up from being so stuffed up and dry – feeling very tired in the morning.
4:4 Rough night last night. C woke up and when I went to get her, I thought I had been sleeping for hours, but it was only 11:30!
4:4 Both dreams took place at night. I don’t really feel rested, this a.m. and my back really hurts, which it is prone to do.
5:4 Sleep very soundly after chiropractic adjustment and feel so much better and rested, able to breathe better.
4:5 Slept alright, not as restful and awesome as the first 3 nights. Sleep is how it was before proving.
4:5 Passed out HARD for 10 minutes while W watched TV.. my mouth was open!
5:5 Slept very well last night after the wine!
4:8 Slept horrible last night.
4:11 Slept well last night.
5:11 Slept better and feel better able to handle things today.
Chill
4:C1 Just got a chill- very cold- freezing.
5:C1 Cold and shivery.
Generalities
4:C1 Feeling warm again- relaxed normal.
5:C2 Very relaxed.
4:1 Feel better with fresh air/windows down.
2:2 Liking music with heavy bass and beats. A lot of body sensations.
4:3 I just want to go outside for fresh air.
4:6 Stiff neck since yesterday. base of neck-spread over a little bit to shoulders.
4:8 I really need fresh air
5:2 Nagging, dry cough, congested, constantly clearing throat.
5:4, 5:6, 5:8, 5:9, 5:10, 5:11, 5:13 – feel itchy all over
4:14 My craving for soda near the end of the proving was intense, but did go away.
Miscellaneous Dreams:
4:4 Dream: I was now at a football game people were very rowdy and acting wild. One of my “friends” was swinging from a pole into a crowd. I wandered away and found my (real life) good friend J with her family. They were nice people and sweet, so I sat with them, but looked at them with amazement because they were not like the wild crowd.
4:6 Dream: I was at the Indian buffet, pregnant. Saw an old, dear friend, a guy that J does not like. I love seeing him b/c he is a good friend but J really dislikes him. Gives a feeling of secretiveness, like I’m being naughty. My friend is telling me what he’s up to. I’m intrigued then W wakes me up.
4:9 Another dream was at the fair where they have the demolition derby. There was an elephant ride that was sometimes a carousel. My nephew
was on it along with other brown skinned kids. They were dressed in Traditional Indian outfits.
