Citrus Nobilis: Temple Orange
Master Prover: Sally Williams
The orange eaten all around the world was born a sour fruit, growing wild in China. Dating back thousands of years, the orange was probably being cultivated by the Chinese by 2500 BC. It may also have found roots in the Assam area of India and in Myanmar.
Mysteriously, for thousands of years oranges seem to have remained an Oriental treat, not written up in the Middle East, not mentioned by the Greeks. Those which reached the west in the earliest days were of the sour variety. Eventually the Romans, always in the market for exotic produce, obtained oranges the hard way---after long sea voyages from India which finally brought young trees into the Roman port of Ostia, probably in the first century AD. After the fall of Rome in the 5th c. AD, orange cultivation and importing both died out for centuries.
Orange trees most likely were planted across North Africa by the first century AD. The Moors, the Muslim natives of the region, brought oranges with them to southern Spain in the 8th or 9th century, in their conquest. By the 1200’s orange groves were a feature of an area extending from Seville to Granada, as well as regions of Portugal. Another Muslim group, the Saracens, brought orange growing to Sicily, the island off the toe of Italy’s boot, at about the same time.
The orange first ventured across the Atlantic Ocean in 1493 with Christopher Columbus. Columbus carried seeds of the orange, lemon and citron, or possibly young trees, from Spain’s Canary Islands to the island of Hispaniola, today shared by Haiti and the Dominican Republic. Soon several of the Caribbean islands were raising oranges on European plantations with slave labor. We have no record whether the oranges were sweet or sour or both. Seedlings reached Panama with the Spanish in 1516 and Mexico two years later. The native Americans living there supposedly were intrigued with the orange trees and tended them with care. At about the same time the Portuguese were planting sweet oranges in their enormous South American colony of Brazil, also through the labor of enslaved Africans.
The Spanish brought oranges to their settlement at St. Augustine, Florida in 1565 and by 1579 the groves were flourishing. Again the native people of the area became enthusiastic about oranges, planting them in their own groves and also carrying them as food on hunting trips. Today 9 out of 10 oranges grown in Florida is processed into juice. California produces the most eating oranges in the U.S.
Brazil is the world’s leading producer of oranges. One half of all the world’s orange juice comes from Brazil, and it provides 80% of the world’s trade in concentrated orange juice. About 90% of the country’s production is based in the Sao Paolo region, on Brazil’s southwestern coast. 20,000 farms employing 400,000 workers grow China, Valencia, Natal, and Navel oranges, contributing to a $1 billion juice industry. Brazil’s biggest customer is the Netherlands, number three, the United States.
William of Orange:
William I, Prince of Orange (1533 – 1584), also widely known as William the Silent , or simply William of Orange, was the leader of the Dutch revolt against the Spanish that set off the Eighty Years' War and resulted in the formal independence of the United Dutch Provinces in 1648. The Eighty Years' War, or Dutch War of Independence, (1568–1648) began as a revolt of the Seventeen Provinces against Philip II of Spain, the overlord of the Habsburg Netherlands.
A wealthy nobleman, William originally served the Habsburgs as a member of the court of Margaret of Parma, governor of the Spanish Netherlands. Unhappy with the centralization of political power away from the local estates and with the Spanish persecution of Dutch Protestants, William joined the Dutch uprising and turned against his former masters. The most influential and politically capable of the rebels, he led the Dutch to several successes in the fight against the Spanish. Declared an outlaw by the Spanish king in 1580, he was assassinated by Balthasar Gérard in Delft four years later.
Mysteriously, for thousands of years oranges seem to have remained an Oriental treat, not written up in the Middle East, not mentioned by the Greeks. Those which reached the west in the earliest days were of the sour variety. Eventually the Romans, always in the market for exotic produce, obtained oranges the hard way---after long sea voyages from India which finally brought young trees into the Roman port of Ostia, probably in the first century AD. After the fall of Rome in the 5th c. AD, orange cultivation and importing both died out for centuries.
Orange trees most likely were planted across North Africa by the first century AD. The Moors, the Muslim natives of the region, brought oranges with them to southern Spain in the 8th or 9th century, in their conquest. By the 1200’s orange groves were a feature of an area extending from Seville to Granada, as well as regions of Portugal. Another Muslim group, the Saracens, brought orange growing to Sicily, the island off the toe of Italy’s boot, at about the same time.
The orange first ventured across the Atlantic Ocean in 1493 with Christopher Columbus. Columbus carried seeds of the orange, lemon and citron, or possibly young trees, from Spain’s Canary Islands to the island of Hispaniola, today shared by Haiti and the Dominican Republic. Soon several of the Caribbean islands were raising oranges on European plantations with slave labor. We have no record whether the oranges were sweet or sour or both. Seedlings reached Panama with the Spanish in 1516 and Mexico two years later. The native Americans living there supposedly were intrigued with the orange trees and tended them with care. At about the same time the Portuguese were planting sweet oranges in their enormous South American colony of Brazil, also through the labor of enslaved Africans.
The Spanish brought oranges to their settlement at St. Augustine, Florida in 1565 and by 1579 the groves were flourishing. Again the native people of the area became enthusiastic about oranges, planting them in their own groves and also carrying them as food on hunting trips. Today 9 out of 10 oranges grown in Florida is processed into juice. California produces the most eating oranges in the U.S.
Brazil is the world’s leading producer of oranges. One half of all the world’s orange juice comes from Brazil, and it provides 80% of the world’s trade in concentrated orange juice. About 90% of the country’s production is based in the Sao Paolo region, on Brazil’s southwestern coast. 20,000 farms employing 400,000 workers grow China, Valencia, Natal, and Navel oranges, contributing to a $1 billion juice industry. Brazil’s biggest customer is the Netherlands, number three, the United States.
William of Orange:
William I, Prince of Orange (1533 – 1584), also widely known as William the Silent , or simply William of Orange, was the leader of the Dutch revolt against the Spanish that set off the Eighty Years' War and resulted in the formal independence of the United Dutch Provinces in 1648. The Eighty Years' War, or Dutch War of Independence, (1568–1648) began as a revolt of the Seventeen Provinces against Philip II of Spain, the overlord of the Habsburg Netherlands.
A wealthy nobleman, William originally served the Habsburgs as a member of the court of Margaret of Parma, governor of the Spanish Netherlands. Unhappy with the centralization of political power away from the local estates and with the Spanish persecution of Dutch Protestants, William joined the Dutch uprising and turned against his former masters. The most influential and politically capable of the rebels, he led the Dutch to several successes in the fight against the Spanish. Declared an outlaw by the Spanish king in 1580, he was assassinated by Balthasar Gérard in Delft four years later.
Medici; Royal family of Italy Botticelli:
Primavera by Boticelli
Also symbolic of love and fertility are the oranges growing in the grove. The Medici family had an orange grove on the family estate. The number of oranges Botticelli drew clearly represented the hope that this marriage would result in many offspring. Notice on the right side above Zephyr there are no oranges until the scene moves on and Flora is shown to be married and respected by Zephyr; only then will “fruit” be produced. The trees and fruit are mature showing that Venus has reached her own maturity. The land is being made fertile again after winter.
Cultural and political:
The decision to prove the Temple orange above all other oranges had to do with the political and cultural connections of its namesake, William Chase Temple.
Temple was a native Floridian and as a young man his business ingenuity earned him millions in the steel trade in Pennsylvania. After making his fortune, Temple moved back to Florida and invested in orange groves, but at that time the industry was poorly organized and not very profitable. The fruit was unpredictable and the groves were badly maintained. In 1909, with a group or orange growers Temple decided to go to California and study the California Orange Exchange. When the group returned home, they created the Florida Citrus Exchange and Temple being a man of influence and wealth became the first president.
Since that time the influence of “Florida orange juice” over an entire nation has been profound. Approximately 80 percent of America’s orange juice is made from Florida-grown oranges. Florida is second only to Brazil in global orange juice production.
The decision to prove the Temple orange above all other oranges had to do with the political and cultural connections of its namesake, William Chase Temple.
Temple was a native Floridian and as a young man his business ingenuity earned him millions in the steel trade in Pennsylvania. After making his fortune, Temple moved back to Florida and invested in orange groves, but at that time the industry was poorly organized and not very profitable. The fruit was unpredictable and the groves were badly maintained. In 1909, with a group or orange growers Temple decided to go to California and study the California Orange Exchange. When the group returned home, they created the Florida Citrus Exchange and Temple being a man of influence and wealth became the first president.
Since that time the influence of “Florida orange juice” over an entire nation has been profound. Approximately 80 percent of America’s orange juice is made from Florida-grown oranges. Florida is second only to Brazil in global orange juice production.
Anita Bryant:
Anita Bryant was a singer, beauty queen, and celebrity spokesperson who became best known for her work bigotry against gays and lesbians. Projecting a wholesome, maternal image, Bryant plugged Coca-Cola, Kraft Foods, Holiday Inn, and Tupperware in assorted TV, billboard, and magazine ad campaigns. Her most famous celebrity endorsement deal began in 1968, when she sang an upbeat jingle in commercials for the Florida Citrus Commission, closing each ad with their tag line, “A day without orange juice is like a day without sunshine.” By the mid-1970s, Bryant was also a celebrity spokesperson for Christ, singing Christian music and writing books offering inspirational advice. Then, in 1977, Bryant became obsessed when Miami-Dade County added an amendment to its human rights ordinance, making it illegal to discriminate in housing, employment, loans, and public accommodations based on “affectional or sexual preference.” Announcing, “I will lead such a crusade to stop it as this country has not seen before”, she founded Save Our Children. As the group’s name implies, Bryant’s central—and ludicrous—argument was her fear that children would be molested or converted by gay perverts. “As a mother,” she famously explained, “I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children.”
Bryant’s Old Testament activism drew many followers, and within a year the law was repealed, making it legal again to fire workers, deny people housing, or refuse their business based on how and with whom consenting adults have sex. Celebrating her victory in a sound bite that aired nationwide, Bryant promised she would “seek help and change for homosexuals, whose sick and sad values belie the word ‘gay’ which they pathetically use to cover their unhappy lives.”
Even after the local amendment was repealed, Bryant fanned the flames with speaking tours that made her a national spokesperson against “homosexual rights.” She was the star attraction at rallies that led to the repeal of gay rights in numerous cities, and she came to California to support the Briggs Initiative in 1978, which failed, but would have banned homosexuals or anyone advocating the “gay lifestyle” from teaching in public schools. “I don’t hate the homosexuals,” she wrote in a fundraising letter. “But as a mother, I must protect my children from their evil influence.”
Florida/Circus/Walt Disney
Disney World was built on a Florida orange grove, providing family and children’s entertainment. There are Magical Kingdoms with queens and princesses, idealized family values and community, promoting once upon a time and ever after.
Florida is the winter home of the Barnum and Bailey circus that in its heyday it was an extraordinarily organized and efficient operation. They created a family for people that were excluded from society providing them with a sense of belonging.
Tropicana/Colonialism
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7whANIzid-8
Oranges are often used as a symbol by royal houses. Ruling powers assume the privilege to occupy an indigenous land and impose their culture and values and consume their land and resources. Imbedded in the attitudes of colonialism is; we know best and we know better because we are the superior culture. For example, in 1690 the the above-referenced protestant William of Orange defeated the catholic King James at the Battle of The Boyne setting the stage for British and protestant occupation of Ireland. The Orange Order, one or the cultural institutions that enforces protestant superiority, was and is a fraternal organization of protestant men that to this day attempts to impose its norms on Northern Irsh society.
Parentage/origins of Temple Orange:
Temples oranges are actually Tangors; a hybrid that occurred naturally between oranges and tangerines. A man named Boyce in 1896 first discovered the fruit trees in Jamaica. Boyce sent bud-wood samples of the tree to Florida where W.C. Temple obtained a few and propagated them by grafting them onto other rootstock He recommended them to a friend of his, H.E. Gillett who owned a nursery. Gillett named them after his friend Temple, and began selling the trees in 1919. Cultivation took off in popularity in 1940.
The Temple orange is also known as the Royal mandarin.
Division: Magnoliophyta
Class: Magnoliopsida
Order: Sapindales
Family: Rutacea
Disney World was built on a Florida orange grove, providing family and children’s entertainment. There are Magical Kingdoms with queens and princesses, idealized family values and community, promoting once upon a time and ever after.
Florida is the winter home of the Barnum and Bailey circus that in its heyday it was an extraordinarily organized and efficient operation. They created a family for people that were excluded from society providing them with a sense of belonging.
Tropicana/Colonialism
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7whANIzid-8
Oranges are often used as a symbol by royal houses. Ruling powers assume the privilege to occupy an indigenous land and impose their culture and values and consume their land and resources. Imbedded in the attitudes of colonialism is; we know best and we know better because we are the superior culture. For example, in 1690 the the above-referenced protestant William of Orange defeated the catholic King James at the Battle of The Boyne setting the stage for British and protestant occupation of Ireland. The Orange Order, one or the cultural institutions that enforces protestant superiority, was and is a fraternal organization of protestant men that to this day attempts to impose its norms on Northern Irsh society.
Parentage/origins of Temple Orange:
Temples oranges are actually Tangors; a hybrid that occurred naturally between oranges and tangerines. A man named Boyce in 1896 first discovered the fruit trees in Jamaica. Boyce sent bud-wood samples of the tree to Florida where W.C. Temple obtained a few and propagated them by grafting them onto other rootstock He recommended them to a friend of his, H.E. Gillett who owned a nursery. Gillett named them after his friend Temple, and began selling the trees in 1919. Cultivation took off in popularity in 1940.
The Temple orange is also known as the Royal mandarin.
Division: Magnoliophyta
Class: Magnoliopsida
Order: Sapindales
Family: Rutacea
Proving:
The temple orange was procured from a small orange grove/apiary in Bradenton FL which is the winter quarters of Barnum and Bailey circus. The owner of the farm was a man by the name of Will Wexler. He was youthful 67 year old.
The proving was conducted at the Baylight School of Homeopathy in Portland Maine. Director; Nancy Fredrick.
Parts used in the trituration was seed, juice, leaf, stem and rind.
Observation of trituration dynamics:
There were 9 white female provers between the ages of 30 and 60 and 4 white female supervisors.
The initial preparation of the substance was a feeling of adherence to an order.
A game broke out; a word game entitled “Aunt Sally” in which no one explained the rules of the game by playing it by understanding word patterns. If you did not catch on you were left out of the process and there was a sense of insider – outsider; inclusion exclusion. People felt judged, they made fun of each other and things got nasty. The game dominated the trituration even though some people were clearly distressed and not participating in it.
The point of the game was that “Aunt Sally” was a double consonant. Statements from the game;
Aunt Sally likes bubbles, but she does not like soap.
Aunt Sally likes apples, but she does not like fruit.
Aunt Sally likes broccoli, but she does not like vegetables.
The trituration was chaotic, playful and immature; one observer commented, “it’s like a three rings circus”. Songs of childhood, Disney songs and songs from sound of music were being sung. There was prepubescent giggling, vulgar joking, cliquishness and teasing others by calling them princess and queens.
One prover became quite ill with nausea “I feel like I am pregnant” With her nausea, she drew a picture of a fetus inside the bulb of a plant.
M/E:
Childishness: Playful, giddy, giggling, singing, teasing, joking.
3:T Singing while scraping
3:T Humming “The Rose”
4:T Vulgar jokes; crude jokes
4:T Aversion to holding the pestle; ha-ha you have to hold it now (teasing).
6:T Giggling. Laughing.
6:T Smart Alec.
6:T I feel like I’ve come down, not so giggly.
6:T The whole experience feels like being high on some drug, pot, etc. the giggling, the coming down, the boredom into an emotional let down.
7:T Harry Belafonte Banana song
Humming/singing
Do Re Me song, Edelweiss proving (Maria)
The Sound of Music
Somewhere over the Rainbow
Yellow Submarine, Octopus Garden- under the sea
Musical/melodious
8:T Lots of singing
7:T Giggly
8:T Giggling
9:T Comes a time, Neil Young…… keeps going through head.
9, T; Sentimental feeling wanted to sing and sing and sing.
PM; Singing a song my Father always sang, Quaker down in Quaker town. When the song was done I started coughing hugely I coughed so hard my head hurt. I got really dizzy and floating and I had to get off the highway as soon as I could. Then I got very sad listening to “This Old World” by Emmylou Harris.
5:1 I feel very child like. I am skipping in parking lots and when the waitress gave me a large glass of OJ, Instead of picking it up and taking a sip I leaned over and slurped the juice from the cup.
5:2 I sang Doe a Deer etc. while I worked on a word search @ the restaurant. I feel happy and I feel connected to People. I feel a sense of innocence and wonder. I feel very much in the moment of things.
8:2 Humming
3:3 Up until this time have felt very focused, somewhat playful which is showing up as banter with my immediate supervisor. We are one person short tonight and have been left several huge messes. The store next to us is also one person short so they take one of our remaining people, leaving me and my two immediate supervisors. I work side-by-side with one of them until lunch at which point she outlines her plan to the other supervisor and I say “and I will go to lunch and think about that plan and when I come back I will let you know if I agree to do it.” They both know that this is silly, because I will do what ever needs to be done since that is what they have hired me for. Next thing I hear is “I think S is sassing you! What? Sassing me, S doesn’t “sass” people, can’t be!” It makes me chuckle.
9:3 Compelled to sing since the start of the proving.
8:4 Humming
5:7 Yesterday afternoon, a co-worker mentioned the Wizard of Oz and I immediately with high pitch voice and sang “we represent the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild”. I could not get that song out of my head for hours.
8:13 Yawning and humming during the day
Family/Marriage:
3:1 My son called to tell me my husband needed help. I had to go the basement because he couldn’t figure out how to get the sump pump working; he kept talking at me. I said I couldn’t listen to anything more, he kept going, saying “I am just trying to tell you what is going on”. This went on for two minutes with my answering I don’t want to hear what is going; he said how else will I communicate if I cant talk, isn’t that what is in a marriage? I finally stuck my fingers in my ears and said I just can’t hear any more talking; I want to throw up. He finally said, “I am done with this; this doesn’t work for me” he is referring to the marriage. I said okay he repeated himself and I just said okay, (I am at the point in my struggles with this relationship that he adds to the stress, he doesn’t share the load of a home and family). I got the spare pump set it up and submerged it in the water. Within 10 seconds, the hose burst off and I was soaked from the waist down. I reset the hose, put it back in the water and it was fine.
3:1 Feel like I want to be cared for.
4:1 Had a long conversation with my husband about the state of the relationship. Felt clear in the conversation, did not get overly emotional.
8:1 Dream: My family had a bed & breakfast that and we all worked there. It was an old building and I was fascinated with the history of the place. I could walk up the stairs or into a room and feel what it was like decades before such as the late 1800’s. I was outside the house and I said something to my father that he took the wrong way. He thought I was criticizing him and telling him he didn’t know what he was doing. That was not what I meant at all and my mother and sister wouldn’t stick up for me. They agreed with him even though they knew what I meant. My father’s anger escalated more and more as I tried to explain to him what I meant and he was misinterpreting to where he stated he was disowning me and that I had to leave the house and not come back. That he did not want to see me again. I was absolutely devastated and woke up feeling that way.
6:2 My husband told me our rooster flew up at him and he got pissed and threw a stick at him. Later, I went looking for Squeek (the rootser) and found him roosting by himself in the coop with an eye bruised and swollen shut. I felt horrible and an instant connection with his suffering- our poor proud rooster cowering in the coop with an injured eye. I approached my husband about it- normally I think I would have been coming from a place of anger and outrage- but this time I was just really upset and wanted him to reflect on the fact that this creature was suffering because he (my husband) got pissed and couldn’t control himself. And then after a bit (and giving Squeek a remedy) I felt sad and compassionate for Kevin- that he has this place within him that needs to react so violently- and he’s not a violent person.
4:3 I feel a bit of resolve, not resolve, surety about where we stand and what we are going to do and what I am saying to him. For the first time I didn’t have an over attachment to what he did to what I said. It didn’t really matter. I was very clear about what I was saying and was very comfortable with it and it has been a long time coming for me to be able to do that. Always want to feel I can speak my mind, feel my peace and not be invested in making sure they respond in a particular way. Nothing really happened since that conversation.
5:4 I am feeling a little irritated and anxious about my house project. My husband and I really need to sit down And communicate the next step. I feel resistance from him and it is making me irritable.
3:5 Desire to be near warmth of husband’s body, to smell his “perfume”.
9:5 Dream: Father in old hospital and we were hiding from some sort of chaos outside. Some women a nurse was trying to help my father and me. It was almost like it was war or an invasion happening outside.
4:6 I am having a bad day. It is hard to sort out what is the proving or if it is the state before the Rx in terms of my relationship. Another conversation last night and another this morning. I am feeling more depressed. That is all at the moment. I am tired of this way in this relationship, one sided, a lot of work he has his own depression and anxiety and he keeps his world very small so he can control it. He can’t participate in something if it is spontaneous. I just said, I don’t want to live like this. The part that is different for me, there is nothing different, when I am talking with him I am not full of rage and I am not feeling out of control.. Resolution or resolve about the way this is going to be. It is more that I am not willing to accept it anymore, being the only one making an effort, tow the line. I think the acceptance part is more, I will accept the outcome of my saying this out loud and whatever this looks like. He wants it to work but that means that changes have to happen because I am not willing to accept it any more. I don’t know what that looks like and I will be able to be alone with the kids.
4:6 There was a potential of an issue with my mother yesterday, only by email and I didn’t have a strong reaction to it. I have an issue with way she treats my kids compared to my siblings kids because she is not there for me the way she is with my sister. What I thought were traditions with sister were not that way for my kids. The email said we won’t be around for my child’s birthday dinner/cake and normally it would have grabbed at my gut and it didn’t this time.
9:6 Dream: Everyone’s mother was dying. Like in a news cast. Five people’s mother’s past on.
9:13 Dream of my mother. Black and white pictures of her in her youth. Maybe through her late teens and early 20’s. She was happy and smiling and healthy. When I woke up I wondered if she had passed on in the night and was indeed happy now.
9:14 I was in a busy place, with small tight rooms, like a market place. I was away with a woman in her car for something that I can not remember, it was work/homeopathy related. We were driving, it was dark, I was in the back seat. The woman I was wondering if I could trust her or not. Realized I did not have my phone and I was so panicked because I had been away for four days, and those four days I was not there for my kids, sister or husband. I was worried that they would be really angry with me, for not knowing where I was. It was sort of like I was on a secret mission, but yet not. But no one could know where I was although if I had my phone I could have called my husband to tell him I was sorry and that I would be home as soon as I could. While I was away, heading up these long winding hills, dark roads but paved. I felt uneasy with driving up these roads. Felt like I was going further and further from where I needed to go yet thought maybe this was leading to something? Hoping it was I guess. I also remember that we got to some place—church like and I saw on the agenda that there was someone coming in to talk about homeopathy. As I looked at the piece of paper saying what the agenda was, I could not figure out who was talking about homeopathy or why and what. I had the feeling like I wanted to be the one talking about it and if only I had my phone, maybe “ they” would have called me. Yet they probably did not know they could. When I looked closer I saw that it was a place on line, ABC homeopathy and I felt like it was not going to be enough information for all who would be listening.
9:14 I then was stuck in a boat with a man rowing…we were not on water at first but driving again. My two youngest kids were in the way, way back of this boat, almost a different attachment to the main part of the boat that the driver and I were sitting, he was in front, I behind him than again my youngest two in the way, way back. He would be driving us, I felt like I had to trust him to take us where we needed to go. I did not want to go on this ride but I knew I had to in order to finish what I needed to do to get back to my oldest and my partner or at least get to my phone so I could tell them where I was. We were in a place that was like Florida. At one point we were moving fast and ducking under this thick layer of trees, big old growth that made a sort of cave like feeling. However I saw it as we entered, but then I could not get my eyes to open to see it (this happens at times to me when dreaming, like I know I am dreaming, want to open my eyes so I can see what it happening but can’t). When we got through the cave like place we were on water. It was very open and scary feeling. The water was dark blue, lost of traps in water, not necessarily lobster traps. There were signs all over saying it was poison. I was terrified because my youngest were in the way back, I could not rock the boat to turn around but I knew they were dragging their hands in the water. I did not know what to do. I was yelling at them to stop, but they would not. I was looking all around to see what the poison was, if I could find out anything as this boat was just coasting in the long lost water place. I saw a scuba diver that had on all black emerge out of the water, he/she was very scary to me, but was a friendly face and smiling. I was trying to figure out how he/she could go under and not be subjected to the poisons of the water. As I looked for the end of the trail of water I saw none, I wanted this part of the ride to be over. I felt scared but yet felt I had to go through this and was also trying to talk myself off the edge and lean into the experience…we will be ok.
Inclusion/Exclusion Sharing/Not-Sharing:
3:T Sharing- “Do I have to share”.
4:T Not wanting to share what she is thinking so whispers.
6:T I know all the words to all the songs people are singing, but I don’t want to sing.
7:T Nasty, naughty. Bothered me to be out of the loop.
7:T Sharing vs not sharing. I want to reach out and share thoughts, feelings Aunt F* Sally game, which sucked, it bothered me to be out of the loop.
8:T Passing info around the table, those not passed to feeling left out ”missing something.
8:T Image of us being in a coven and we are grinding potions.
8:4 Dream: I was in a medical school where the dorms were attached to the hospital. I was a transfer student and I was being given the tour as classes would be starting up shortly. I was not there to study nursing so I think I was there for medical classes. During the tour I would be introduced to doctors, I would be asked why I was there and I would tell everyone I was studying homeopathy and wanted to widen my knowledge. Well everyone looked at me sideways or in disbelief. When the tour brought us to the wing where the nurses had their apartments I met some and received warnings concerning the doctors especially since I wasn’t there to become one. There were a few people who were friendly and showed me the quarters where I would be living and we started to get together socially.
3:T Sharing- “Do I have to share”.
4:T Not wanting to share what she is thinking so whispers.
6:T I know all the words to all the songs people are singing, but I don’t want to sing.
7:T Nasty, naughty. Bothered me to be out of the loop.
7:T Sharing vs not sharing. I want to reach out and share thoughts, feelings Aunt F* Sally game, which sucked, it bothered me to be out of the loop.
8:T Passing info around the table, those not passed to feeling left out ”missing something.
8:T Image of us being in a coven and we are grinding potions.
8:4 Dream: I was in a medical school where the dorms were attached to the hospital. I was a transfer student and I was being given the tour as classes would be starting up shortly. I was not there to study nursing so I think I was there for medical classes. During the tour I would be introduced to doctors, I would be asked why I was there and I would tell everyone I was studying homeopathy and wanted to widen my knowledge. Well everyone looked at me sideways or in disbelief. When the tour brought us to the wing where the nurses had their apartments I met some and received warnings concerning the doctors especially since I wasn’t there to become one. There were a few people who were friendly and showed me the quarters where I would be living and we started to get together socially.
Focus, attention, determination, order:
3:T Pleasure in tidying up, returning things to their place- a feeling of lightness to it.
4:T Everything feels that it is in its place.
6:T Mind is pretty blank not thinking of much. Very in the moment. Initially, I felt like I was kind of watching things around me, but then felt involved in, I like being involved.
3:T Chose to be present vs writing more.
3:T Feels very grounded while triturating.
3:T “Substance wants your attention when you are doing it.”
3:T Focused. (underlined twice)
4:T Hyper focus to whatever I am doing; great effort to shift focus as if through something weighty.
6:T Starting to fixate on things.
7:T Serious with intent—focused take it all, you can take it.
8:T While grinding I was very focused on what I was doing and did not notice the others in the room.
9:T After first 3 minutes or so, loved trituration-the scraping, mostly loved scraping want another turn scraping
9:1 Realized that the woodstove was not started (usually partner does this in the morning before he goes to work) and there were no logs in our barn…had to go to woodpile with wheel barrel to get a few loads to get through the day. Feeling annoyed since it is pouring rain outside, cold and its my birthday. But the feeling is not lasting, I feel determined that its not big deal, I can just do it along with all the other house, kids, dog stuff.
3:2 Focused, still very much in each moment, each thought, clarity.
3:2 It still feels light and delightful to return things to their places. Not like they must be there, but they are where they can be found and useful and meanwhile there is a sense that each item can feel “this is my place.”
3:2 I am at a bookstore, large one. I have a discount coupon, which I desire to use. Bookstores are a problem for me, like an addiction, so I often hesitate to go into one fearing I will come out with more than I could really afford to spend. Today I go in, focused. I visit various, I take books from the shelf and read segments, but put them back and weigh in my mind how I feel about them in the moment—is this the book I need right now? By the time I am at the far end of the store, I am starting to think that maybe I can get two books if the second one is cheaper. But in the end I focus, weigh the choice of what I need to be in touch with right now and go out with one book.
8:2 Dream about some kind of competition, many competitors doing the same thing. Able to focus well.
9:2 Three kids, young dog, and we took it upon ourselves to fix a big wide pot hole on our very long dirt road. Meant many full wheel barrels full of gravel and dirt-quite a ways from home. I had a feeling of “fuck it”, I just did not want to wait for help from my partner. It was not easy to lug the wheel barrel down a long dirt road with three kids and dog and one of those kids sick. But just tired of waiting and determined.
9:2 9pm-stayed up making a double batch of cookies. Making a double batch of cookies is not unusual for me but to take it on at 9pm is unusual. I did not feel I had the energy but was just clear I needed to get these cookies baked and done.
9:3 My daughter and I left a little early only to find a huge pine tree fell over our long dirt road. It had made a bridge that did not look safe to go under. After I called my partner to come and take a look and give me his opinion, we drove fast under it (and ducked our heads). I mention this only because my feeling was that of determination that it would not ruin our evening out as well as most trees that have fallen back here in the woods have either been in the middle of the road or staid in the woods.
9:4 Had plans to go out with a friend that I have never gone out at night with before (our children are same age, do many things with kids). Most often I cancel these types of things, am not a night person at all, but I went and did not think twice about it.
3:5 Remaining focused on each task as it comes. Attending to details, it’s all about details at this time.
3:10 I appreciated the focus and attention to detail that I experienced during this proving.
8:11 Evening-busy cleaning and organizing, making space.
8:14 Plans changed today as the race I wanted to watch was rained out. worked on cleaning (more cleaning) out my office.
3:T Pleasure in tidying up, returning things to their place- a feeling of lightness to it.
4:T Everything feels that it is in its place.
6:T Mind is pretty blank not thinking of much. Very in the moment. Initially, I felt like I was kind of watching things around me, but then felt involved in, I like being involved.
3:T Chose to be present vs writing more.
3:T Feels very grounded while triturating.
3:T “Substance wants your attention when you are doing it.”
3:T Focused. (underlined twice)
4:T Hyper focus to whatever I am doing; great effort to shift focus as if through something weighty.
6:T Starting to fixate on things.
7:T Serious with intent—focused take it all, you can take it.
8:T While grinding I was very focused on what I was doing and did not notice the others in the room.
9:T After first 3 minutes or so, loved trituration-the scraping, mostly loved scraping want another turn scraping
9:1 Realized that the woodstove was not started (usually partner does this in the morning before he goes to work) and there were no logs in our barn…had to go to woodpile with wheel barrel to get a few loads to get through the day. Feeling annoyed since it is pouring rain outside, cold and its my birthday. But the feeling is not lasting, I feel determined that its not big deal, I can just do it along with all the other house, kids, dog stuff.
3:2 Focused, still very much in each moment, each thought, clarity.
3:2 It still feels light and delightful to return things to their places. Not like they must be there, but they are where they can be found and useful and meanwhile there is a sense that each item can feel “this is my place.”
3:2 I am at a bookstore, large one. I have a discount coupon, which I desire to use. Bookstores are a problem for me, like an addiction, so I often hesitate to go into one fearing I will come out with more than I could really afford to spend. Today I go in, focused. I visit various, I take books from the shelf and read segments, but put them back and weigh in my mind how I feel about them in the moment—is this the book I need right now? By the time I am at the far end of the store, I am starting to think that maybe I can get two books if the second one is cheaper. But in the end I focus, weigh the choice of what I need to be in touch with right now and go out with one book.
8:2 Dream about some kind of competition, many competitors doing the same thing. Able to focus well.
9:2 Three kids, young dog, and we took it upon ourselves to fix a big wide pot hole on our very long dirt road. Meant many full wheel barrels full of gravel and dirt-quite a ways from home. I had a feeling of “fuck it”, I just did not want to wait for help from my partner. It was not easy to lug the wheel barrel down a long dirt road with three kids and dog and one of those kids sick. But just tired of waiting and determined.
9:2 9pm-stayed up making a double batch of cookies. Making a double batch of cookies is not unusual for me but to take it on at 9pm is unusual. I did not feel I had the energy but was just clear I needed to get these cookies baked and done.
9:3 My daughter and I left a little early only to find a huge pine tree fell over our long dirt road. It had made a bridge that did not look safe to go under. After I called my partner to come and take a look and give me his opinion, we drove fast under it (and ducked our heads). I mention this only because my feeling was that of determination that it would not ruin our evening out as well as most trees that have fallen back here in the woods have either been in the middle of the road or staid in the woods.
9:4 Had plans to go out with a friend that I have never gone out at night with before (our children are same age, do many things with kids). Most often I cancel these types of things, am not a night person at all, but I went and did not think twice about it.
3:5 Remaining focused on each task as it comes. Attending to details, it’s all about details at this time.
3:10 I appreciated the focus and attention to detail that I experienced during this proving.
8:11 Evening-busy cleaning and organizing, making space.
8:14 Plans changed today as the race I wanted to watch was rained out. worked on cleaning (more cleaning) out my office.
Royalty/Purple:
T Many discussions of Kings and Queens, teasing each other by calling each other queen or princess.
7:T Discussion of Fred Gwynn’s book about The King who Reigned for 40 days and nights
8:T My head is feeling lighter and bigger like there is space that keeps increasing so my mind keeps filling up the space.
9:T Drew pictures of a King with a crown. Drew a picture of a sun and a sun underwater.
6:2 Dream: very fragmented, and while I was sleeping I was aware of the various components, but when I awoke I could only remember that at some point there was a ladder and the color purple.
6:3 If you can’t integrate the mundane then you won’t reach a transcendent state. There were some women rushing around in opulent dresses. That was the take home message in a very richly layered dream.
3:4 I want to dress in glowing gowns of blue and deep purple.
8:5 I thought about the strong pressure/pain and the tingling in my palms, as well as some cramping/plantar fascia of my left foot. The thoughts were about stigmata. The itching and pain seems to drill into the palms into the center. Are these pains/impressions related to the three nails driven in during the crucifixion of Christ?
Ocean, sea, seashore, underwater, swimming, flow, flowing:
4, T Thoughts of seaweed.
9:T Jellyfish feeling the movement up and down, feel it in head-flow
7:T Feel like a sea plant, rocking like grass flowing in the sea. Yellow Submarine, Octopus garden- under the sea
8:T Swaying of the leaves under the sea. Maybe a mermaid? Seahorse conversation Mermaid scales Singing “under the sea, under the sea”
9:T Sun, underwater, fish, octopus, eight legs of a spider, drew pictures of mermaid, octopus, jellyfish, fish, underwater.
9:1 Took remedy, it would not come easily out of bottle, there was no flow. Had to suck it out. Maybe design of the bottle? Or the word flow I feel is big right now.
3:2 Am at sink washing dishes, my mind turns to “choice”. Choice brings the flow of our reality. As I am scribbling on a sticky cookie sheet a rhythm appears in my head, I turn to this rhythm to see what it is and this is what I hear: thank you, thank you, thank you.
4, 5; Dream: I was at the beach - it wasn’t too warm because everyone was in long pants. There were swimming in our clothes in a tide pool alongside a jetty. There was a shark that was biting at our feet and legs. He wasn’t very aggressive and didn’t seem to be trying to eat us, it was more playful. I got out of the water to walk to the edge of the shore to see if there were more sharks. There were several more swimming near the shore. The people didn’t have a lot of fear, it was more curiosity. I went back to the tide pool and there were other people swimming in it. They didn’t seem to be aware of the sharks biting at them. I told the people they should get out of the water. They got out and we watched the sharks swimming.
9, T; Long wavy leafy…underwater, racing fast moving, separated.
Pregnancy:
4: T I feel like I am pregnant, like morning sickness.
4: T Draws a picture of a fetus in the bulb of a plant.
9:3 Morning-both breasts feel full and tender. Did I mention that this is unusual for me-the only times I have had sore breasts is when I am pregnant (which I am not).
8: 8 I want to move in and out of the pregnant dark night and the glowing sunny days.
Below are symptoms of a supervisor. I am not considering it as part of the proving, but the information is noteworthy:
Day 14:
Is anyone else reporting feeling pregnant? I have every symptom of early pregnancy but no positive test so far (cycle due on Thursday) and a sterile husband (vasectomy 3 years ago). I have never had this happen to me before so I’m assuming it’s the proving but also worried something else is going on in my body (I’m in touch with my woman’s care group and they advised to wait until a missed period to come in for blood work).
Here are my symptoms:
Sore, tingly swollen breasts with blue veins (which I ONLY get in pregnancy) uterus feels full...so much so that I’m actually aware of where it is at all times menstrual cramps on an off since a week before my period but not as uncomfortable as the ones I usually get the 1st day of my cycle.
Day 15:
Thanks for checking in. I think my period arrived today....albeit a day late. I was freaking out yesterday! My whole body is off....I still have swollen breasts with the bright blue veins, dizziness, nausea, etc. My period is much lighter than normal and I have none of my normal symptoms but I’m assuming that’s what it is. This proving really messed up my hormones big time. I can’t say I’ll be looking forward to another proving anytime soon! ;)
4: T I feel like I am pregnant, like morning sickness.
4: T Draws a picture of a fetus in the bulb of a plant.
9:3 Morning-both breasts feel full and tender. Did I mention that this is unusual for me-the only times I have had sore breasts is when I am pregnant (which I am not).
8: 8 I want to move in and out of the pregnant dark night and the glowing sunny days.
Below are symptoms of a supervisor. I am not considering it as part of the proving, but the information is noteworthy:
Day 14:
Is anyone else reporting feeling pregnant? I have every symptom of early pregnancy but no positive test so far (cycle due on Thursday) and a sterile husband (vasectomy 3 years ago). I have never had this happen to me before so I’m assuming it’s the proving but also worried something else is going on in my body (I’m in touch with my woman’s care group and they advised to wait until a missed period to come in for blood work).
Here are my symptoms:
Sore, tingly swollen breasts with blue veins (which I ONLY get in pregnancy) uterus feels full...so much so that I’m actually aware of where it is at all times menstrual cramps on an off since a week before my period but not as uncomfortable as the ones I usually get the 1st day of my cycle.
Day 15:
Thanks for checking in. I think my period arrived today....albeit a day late. I was freaking out yesterday! My whole body is off....I still have swollen breasts with the bright blue veins, dizziness, nausea, etc. My period is much lighter than normal and I have none of my normal symptoms but I’m assuming that’s what it is. This proving really messed up my hormones big time. I can’t say I’ll be looking forward to another proving anytime soon! ;)
Spacey; druggy, alone, isolated, detached, floating feeling/Clarity:
4:T When I touch my body I feel disconnected from it.
4:T Feel mesmerized by process.
4:T Feels drugged, looks drunk.
4:T Speaking slowly, blinking eyes longer moments.
4:T Looks spaced out.
4:T Time going fast.
4:T Feels like in space of others; talking close to their faces.
4:T Everything feels that it is in slow pace.
6:T The whole experience feels like being high on some drug, pot, etc. the giggling, the coming down, the boredom into an emotional letdown.
7:T Oblivious; feeling apart from –observer (detached).
8:T N is spacey. Room very low key now as opposed to earlier in the process. Confusion in the room as every(one) is getting tired and droning on. Top of head fuzzy.
8:T Returned home to flooded basement “stupid brain”-sump pump not running. I was ready to go buy one instead of even checking breakers. The plug was just loose.
8:T Feeling bored and content can just sit and go into my zone but still bored.
8:T In a trance.
8:T My head is feeling lighter and bigger like there is space that keeps increasing so my mind keeps filling up the space.
8:T Feeling I am here but also out of my body ovbserving what is going on, like floating at the level of the room where my head is when I stand up.
9:T I started out the trituration with clarity, a ‘shrumy feeling. Like coming off mushrooms or going on them.
9:T Singing a song my Father always sang, Quaker down in Quaker town. When the song was done I started coughing hugely I coughed so hard my head hurt. I got really dizzy and floating and I had to get off the highway as soon as I could. Then I got very sad listening to “This Old World” by Emmylou Harris.
8:1 Feeling very “in” my body. I feel my feet in my shoes on the floor. I fee the clothes on my body.
8:1 I was somewhat spacey, where I had a hard time following through on what had to do. I would have to go to the bank and remember that through the day and when it came time for me to go there when I left work I totally forgot.
3:2 Focused, still very much in each moment, each thought, clarity.
8:2 I have had a difficult time being on time.. Now these past two day I make the bus by 30 seconds and this morning I missed it and had to drive to work. I seem tohave lost my sense of how much time I need to get somewhere.
9:2 Jabbering to self more, unorganized, flat. Not clear or quick thinking, I feel dumb.
3:3 Enjoyed dinner. Flavors very sharp, distinct. Just realized that i have been drinking a lot of water when at home.
9:3 I am noticing that my timing throughout the days just seem to happen. There is a floating feeling going on for the past several days. I feel like my feet are planted on the ground…I am being pulled down yet anchored and clear and peaceful in ways. I still experience anger or annoyance and the rush to get the kids fed, to school, pickup, in bed but id don not feel so heavy in my head about it. The weighted feeling for me is in my physical body, again like my feet are on the ground..
5:4 Today I am having trouble retaining information. When someone gives me an e-mail address for example I can not get it right. I hear what they are saying but it is getting mixed up from my brain to my hand. I am having a hard time articulating my thoughts. I feel my vocabulary has been cut in half and the best explication I can say is “Awesome or Cute”.
8:4 I did make the bus today but I also seem to have trouble making connections. An example - leaving work yesterday I knew I was going to make a deposit, but forgot to stamp the back of the checks and though now I can’t make the deposit, I will have to bring it back to work with me to stamp the checks. so on my way to catch the bus I am running the day in my head and thinking to remember to stamp the checks when I am at work today. Then while on the bus it occurred to me that I could stop at the bank and just right for deposit only on the check with the account # which is on the deposit slip.
8:5 Had the connecting the dots thing - went to PO to mail letter & left address in the car - went to do some painting at Nancy’s house. At 5 PM I started to get irritated that I was hindered from painting what I wanted to because the prep work that I was told was finished wasn’t. I thought maybe I misunderstood so attempted to move to another room and that one was worse as far as prep work being done.
8:6 I ended up leaving 25 minutes later that what I had planned for (still the time thing). …The inability to connect the dots is still with me because I went to the trouble to Google directions so I wouldn’t get lost & be late and Ileft them on the kitchen table and missed the exit I wanted and got somewhat turned around in Portsmouth.
3:8 That core peace was hard won for me and to feel that I couldn’t touch it anymore it made me feel in a very black space, this place where isolated and not a pleasant feeling. if had gone on for long I would have dropped out of the proving because it felt so bad to be disconnected from this thing I had finally found. it became being able to find this place is like a touchstone now. i have difficulty separating what is mine and what is others, where I could move inward but not too far inward, it makes it easier to be in the world. to have lost it after having worked so hard to get to that place, it was not a good space to be in. Distress...didn’t cry or sleep but sleep used to be an escape for emotional pain. I felt really distressed by it and almost a feeling of grief but not cry and this, umm, desire to take action but can’t because I have made this commitment and this is a little distressful. This made me realize how much I rely on energetic means to help myself now, Rx or using herbs or meditation, that my desire was to say let’s look up a Rx.
8:10 Just driving up to the hardware store I went up to the main road and through all the traffic lights instead on turning into the parking lot well before getting up to the lights. (something I have been doing for at least 20 years) I just drove by the parking lot entrance and got on 302 with all the traffic. It has been like this more so as time goes on.
8:11 This morning I woke up late and I thought it was a day other than Thursday and trying to get myself together was a task. My housemate wanted to know if he should write down what I had to do because I was just standing in the kitchen unable to decide what to do next. I was literally walking around in circles!
8:11 I couldn’t decide if I should have breakfast, couldn’t decide what to have for breakfast, wondered if I should get dressed for work first, should I try to catch the bus or drive in to Portland - I couldn’t think!
8:12 The dopiness hit again. I’m helping N paint her house and I have my own painting supplies so I get up, get myself together, gather things I’m lending to N so she can have a makeshift kitchen, drive over to Cornish, get out of the car, open the back to get my paint supplies and discover I left them at home!
9:12 Still a silly stupefied feeling in the head. Almost a druggy like feeling.
4:T When I touch my body I feel disconnected from it.
4:T Feel mesmerized by process.
4:T Feels drugged, looks drunk.
4:T Speaking slowly, blinking eyes longer moments.
4:T Looks spaced out.
4:T Time going fast.
4:T Feels like in space of others; talking close to their faces.
4:T Everything feels that it is in slow pace.
6:T The whole experience feels like being high on some drug, pot, etc. the giggling, the coming down, the boredom into an emotional letdown.
7:T Oblivious; feeling apart from –observer (detached).
8:T N is spacey. Room very low key now as opposed to earlier in the process. Confusion in the room as every(one) is getting tired and droning on. Top of head fuzzy.
8:T Returned home to flooded basement “stupid brain”-sump pump not running. I was ready to go buy one instead of even checking breakers. The plug was just loose.
8:T Feeling bored and content can just sit and go into my zone but still bored.
8:T In a trance.
8:T My head is feeling lighter and bigger like there is space that keeps increasing so my mind keeps filling up the space.
8:T Feeling I am here but also out of my body ovbserving what is going on, like floating at the level of the room where my head is when I stand up.
9:T I started out the trituration with clarity, a ‘shrumy feeling. Like coming off mushrooms or going on them.
9:T Singing a song my Father always sang, Quaker down in Quaker town. When the song was done I started coughing hugely I coughed so hard my head hurt. I got really dizzy and floating and I had to get off the highway as soon as I could. Then I got very sad listening to “This Old World” by Emmylou Harris.
8:1 Feeling very “in” my body. I feel my feet in my shoes on the floor. I fee the clothes on my body.
8:1 I was somewhat spacey, where I had a hard time following through on what had to do. I would have to go to the bank and remember that through the day and when it came time for me to go there when I left work I totally forgot.
3:2 Focused, still very much in each moment, each thought, clarity.
8:2 I have had a difficult time being on time.. Now these past two day I make the bus by 30 seconds and this morning I missed it and had to drive to work. I seem tohave lost my sense of how much time I need to get somewhere.
9:2 Jabbering to self more, unorganized, flat. Not clear or quick thinking, I feel dumb.
3:3 Enjoyed dinner. Flavors very sharp, distinct. Just realized that i have been drinking a lot of water when at home.
9:3 I am noticing that my timing throughout the days just seem to happen. There is a floating feeling going on for the past several days. I feel like my feet are planted on the ground…I am being pulled down yet anchored and clear and peaceful in ways. I still experience anger or annoyance and the rush to get the kids fed, to school, pickup, in bed but id don not feel so heavy in my head about it. The weighted feeling for me is in my physical body, again like my feet are on the ground..
5:4 Today I am having trouble retaining information. When someone gives me an e-mail address for example I can not get it right. I hear what they are saying but it is getting mixed up from my brain to my hand. I am having a hard time articulating my thoughts. I feel my vocabulary has been cut in half and the best explication I can say is “Awesome or Cute”.
8:4 I did make the bus today but I also seem to have trouble making connections. An example - leaving work yesterday I knew I was going to make a deposit, but forgot to stamp the back of the checks and though now I can’t make the deposit, I will have to bring it back to work with me to stamp the checks. so on my way to catch the bus I am running the day in my head and thinking to remember to stamp the checks when I am at work today. Then while on the bus it occurred to me that I could stop at the bank and just right for deposit only on the check with the account # which is on the deposit slip.
8:5 Had the connecting the dots thing - went to PO to mail letter & left address in the car - went to do some painting at Nancy’s house. At 5 PM I started to get irritated that I was hindered from painting what I wanted to because the prep work that I was told was finished wasn’t. I thought maybe I misunderstood so attempted to move to another room and that one was worse as far as prep work being done.
8:6 I ended up leaving 25 minutes later that what I had planned for (still the time thing). …The inability to connect the dots is still with me because I went to the trouble to Google directions so I wouldn’t get lost & be late and Ileft them on the kitchen table and missed the exit I wanted and got somewhat turned around in Portsmouth.
3:8 That core peace was hard won for me and to feel that I couldn’t touch it anymore it made me feel in a very black space, this place where isolated and not a pleasant feeling. if had gone on for long I would have dropped out of the proving because it felt so bad to be disconnected from this thing I had finally found. it became being able to find this place is like a touchstone now. i have difficulty separating what is mine and what is others, where I could move inward but not too far inward, it makes it easier to be in the world. to have lost it after having worked so hard to get to that place, it was not a good space to be in. Distress...didn’t cry or sleep but sleep used to be an escape for emotional pain. I felt really distressed by it and almost a feeling of grief but not cry and this, umm, desire to take action but can’t because I have made this commitment and this is a little distressful. This made me realize how much I rely on energetic means to help myself now, Rx or using herbs or meditation, that my desire was to say let’s look up a Rx.
8:10 Just driving up to the hardware store I went up to the main road and through all the traffic lights instead on turning into the parking lot well before getting up to the lights. (something I have been doing for at least 20 years) I just drove by the parking lot entrance and got on 302 with all the traffic. It has been like this more so as time goes on.
8:11 This morning I woke up late and I thought it was a day other than Thursday and trying to get myself together was a task. My housemate wanted to know if he should write down what I had to do because I was just standing in the kitchen unable to decide what to do next. I was literally walking around in circles!
8:11 I couldn’t decide if I should have breakfast, couldn’t decide what to have for breakfast, wondered if I should get dressed for work first, should I try to catch the bus or drive in to Portland - I couldn’t think!
8:12 The dopiness hit again. I’m helping N paint her house and I have my own painting supplies so I get up, get myself together, gather things I’m lending to N so she can have a makeshift kitchen, drive over to Cornish, get out of the car, open the back to get my paint supplies and discover I left them at home!
9:12 Still a silly stupefied feeling in the head. Almost a druggy like feeling.
Self-pity, crying, feel robbed, dreams robbed:
4:T Weepy/Tearful.
9:5 Also my partner told me that he had hired a babysitter for tonight so we could actually go out!!!! We have NEVER hired a babysitter before. IF we ever go out (which is 2x a y ear at most) we usually have a grandparent or my sister watch the kids. So this was HUGE for us and now we will have to cancel. I feel so robbed in some ways. The past year has not been easy for a variety of reason…I have been at the bottom and this feeling like we just cant get a break/pause in our world is very frustrating and today I fell like I want to scream or cry …hate this feeling like I am a child kicking and screaming just because I did not get my way. But I am bummed out .I am crying, feeling terrible. Not sure what the emotion is…anger, deflated, robbed and also like I am just whining and acting like a brat by feeling sorry for myself.
8:8 ROUGH afternoon (wrong side of the bed syndrome) today at work. I was “thrown under the bus” by misleading /incorrect statements in email. Instead of combating, I forward the correct information to my supervisors to figure it all out and I went out for lunch to cool down. I was teary when I came back though. Then later I was called into a meeting about something entirely different where I was challenged and poked at. I agreed with the guy and took some action items to do tomorrow. Both created some tears. I keep trying to eave my ego out of the scent but it isn’t leaving. I don’t like it when I do things right and someone lies about it. The email made me look stupid because he said he told me one thing (in email last week) when he said something else. If I sent what he said I would look better but that’s not my style to throw others under. But now its left with me looking stupid and that hurts.
8:13 I was feeling hurt that I had to do more, pay more, than others who made different choices. A friend with a masters in bio-chem who chose to have eight children and stay at home gets assistance with private schooling while I chose to work and therefore get no assistance. And sliding scales for those who can’t pay based, when they cant pay because of choices they made, yet I have to pay in full. Wondering if I stop working will I still have to pay in full for everything? Not fair! Lee said I was jealous and I cried. Its more a feeling of hurt rather than jealousy. Why do I have to “suffer” for doing well? Picking on me!
9:15 Had a thought yesterday “teapot is shiny for others”.
Anxiety; Dreams anxious, suspicious, paranoid, self-conscious, don’t want people watching:
4: T Prover not wanting to share what she is thinking so whispers.
4: T Are you talking about me?
4: T Feeling of impending danger, feeling very nervous.
4: T Heart palpitations, VERY NERVOUS.
4: T “That’s the evil eye. You better behave or you’re gonna get it.”
9: T Did not want to be watched. Felt very self conscious for a bit, felt funny
8:4 Imagery: driving to work I thought about Chelsea Handler (late night comedienne, talk show host) and her assistant Chuly (little person). I wondered if they had sex together and imagined Chelsea, who is a self-proclaimed slut, asking him if IT was big and then telling him she wasn’t attracted to him but shed like to take a ride on it. Then I was ticked at myself for thinking it because I had to tell N.!
8:6 At an attunement workshop. Tears as A explains attunement. I thought I was going to have to pass introducing myself because I was so choked up, but I was OK, then tears again.
8:7 One part I was living in Pittsburgh and had a loft area in a big apartment that a friend of mine had. We would be out driving around and then we would stop and he would be talking with people, then drive some more then I would have him stop because I needed to do something. At one point he was driving a tow truck, it was winter, and we were trying to get away from someone who was after my roommate. We ducked down this road and we found ourselves driving straight uphill. It was like the steepest hill in San Francisco. We started sliding backwards and I told him to drive faster or we were going to slide down the hill and he gave in so much gas that we ended us doing a backwards somersault in the tow truck. Next I know we are sitting in the tow truck parked on the side of the road as if we had never just done that. We got out and walked back to the apartment. I went upstairs to my loft to do more of my work. I was making enamel pieces and there were quite a few hanging, they would be earrings. I was trying to gather up inventory to sell. Another part of the dream we were in the country and we were trying to find the shortcut, that we had been on before, to get to where we were going. We kept trying these different roads and they would take us to interesting places but none of them were the road. One led us to this place where there were dancers dancing on the vast lawns. Another took us down this winding road that became denser with woods the farther we went. We found ourselves back on the main road and went down another and came to a gate that was open and a shady character standing at the gate. He didn’t stop up and we drove through and we found ourselves on a long driveway that led to a stand of buildings. We both had a very uneasy feeling so we left before someone would stop us from leaving.
8:13 I think I was a spy or someone assisting a law enforcement authority. We were looking for something that was hidden in the labels in clothing and we had to look for a specific label. I remember going through racks and boxes, but also having to do this so no one would know you had been looking.
Restless/Peaceful, calm, clear, blissful:
3: T Cannot sit anymore.
4: T Right leg restless, bouncing.
4: T Bouncing both legs.
4: T Trembling hands.
6: T Normally, I feel kind of fidgety, but for now I feel pretty still.
6: T Fidgeting starting to return. Tapping legs.
6: T I feel like if I were sitting here, I would be wandering around, restless.
7: T Tedious, tedium, subdued, dreamy
7: T Moving legs constantly.
Extremity movement-knees.
Moving legs together.
Juggling
Bouncing (mentions it twice)
Beating to drum/drumming
Tapping
Snap fingers
Arms/hands no longer shaky
8: T I feel very content.
9 :T Now after feel very sleepy and calm.
9: 1 Peacefulness despite not being content, but a weighted feeling almost, heavy but peaceful.
8:1 Calm, content, peaceful feeling going to work on a rainy day-normal hate to go to work.
3: 1 I am tired and I feel I have lost contact with the core of peace.
3: 2 Am not yet at appointment. 10 minutes and I will be late. I am not worried. I am thinking I will arrive with moments to spare, the parking space will be there, the traffic will relent.
3: 2 Beautiful day.
8:2 Peaceful on the walk into work, tied but relaxed. Today I drove from Dover to Portsmouth for my appt with Liz. As I was driving I was trying to find the right word for how I was feeling-content and peaceful aren’t quite right. I was thinking ”heavy:., “weighted”, but those aren’t right either. I don’t feel heavier. Liz said I seemed to be more “present” and that might be just right. I feel like more of me is in my body. I’m not larger or too heavy to move, just feel like I’m there now. I was also looking for another word ”thoughtless” isn’t right as that has some negative connotation.. Thought-less is better. I’m feeling less creative. The things I accomplished today were about taking something already created and tweaking it for my purpose., whereas in most recent months I would start something on my own. Its definitely EASIER to get things done this way! “ Thoughtless” seems to sit well with me. I’m not thinking, thinking, thinking…. Just kind of mellow without being completely dull.
9:2 Evening-still feeling weighted but clear.
3: 3 Driving down my street on way back to my house. The neighbor’s dog is in the road. I often hear this dog playing in their back yard with the children but hardly ever see him. today he is in the road and as I am driving we make eye contact and I “know” that he is going to follow me into my driveway. I get out of the car and there the dog is. We chat, i rub his fur, his head and speak with him. He looks at me with soulful amber eyes and then when I say good-by, he walks with me to the door and plans to come in with me. He sticks his head in the door and tried to squeeze past me but I tell him he can’t come in (although i am feeling that I want him to come in, he is a lab and I miss my old lab so much). In a few minutes I go back out to put out mail, the dog is gone.
3: 3 I feel like, the thing I really didn’t like, I had discovered this core of peace in myself, and this took it away. But it is not ok. The feeling of peace, I couldn’t touch it anymore and it is gone. It was awful.
5:3 Today has been a very warm beautiful day. I think we hit 64 degrees. I have been in fantastic spirits. Very happy! Nothing could go wrong with a day like today! I am not sure if it is the remedy or if it is the weather.
5:3 Things are Blissful!
9:3 Driving under that tree really was uneasy feeling but yet again, I had this peacefulness and grounded/weighted feeling that it was ok, despite my heart racing a bit. As I think back on the day, I went for a hike this morning with my youngest daughter and our dog. My daughter was on my back. We hiked in the woods, which is full of ticks but I did not freak out. I thought about the ticks during my walk but was also able to let the sun pour on my face, listen to my daughter talk and talk and watch my dog run free. The ticks were on my mind, but they did not ruin my experience as they usually do. I usually stay away from the woods after the first thaw because of the ticks.
3: 4 I have a desire to get moving on cleaning up things, like spring cleaning, opening up windows, scattering some dust and renewing surfaces. Caring for things, and people, and the places that the people abide in. I have a desire to call people on the phone (but enough self-restraint to not do that at this hour.) My heart feels light. I want to stand in a warm, warm shower and feel the water running over my head. I want to be out in the sunshine raking the leaves off the gardens. I want to run by the edge of the ocean and feel the salt spray on my cheeks. I want to feel my hands in warm dirt and watch small green things coming up out of the soil. I want to scatter fairy dust and make all my friends well—and then I want to swirl around and scatter that fairy dust over the entire globe. I want to dress in glowing gowns of blue and deep purple. I want to move in and out of the pregnant dark night and the glowing sunny days. I want to be alive in the deepest recesses of my soul and to feel the winds of heaven pass through my aura and touch me with love.
3: 5 The aches of yesterday are gone, I feel alert, rested, peaceful.
3: 5 Feel content.
3: 7 Did errands after work which added to my drive home, remained alert and happy, really happy, all the way home.
8:6 During attunement lots of movement of my body-forward and back, crooked ellipse, circular.
8:7 I was awake for awhile—There’s a need to keep space clear and energy safe. All the more reason not to allow Kristyn free reign to wander all over the house with her very chaotic energy (like marking territory)
9:7 No sleep at all, really restless early this morning.
Energetic/Fatigue:
4: T Drank water down wrong way, coughing made me feel weak.
4:T My supervisor’s restlessness/bouncing increases weak feeling.
4:T PM; Want to eat, just can’t imagine exerting the effort to do it.
3: T Sleepy- feels could fall asleep.
4: T Desires sleep to escape.
4: T Could fall asleep.
3: T PM; Tired, just want to be quiet.
5:T Shaky inner energy. I can really feel a surge of energy. From my heart outward.
6:T Urge to be proactive, but aware of the feeling rather than just doing it.
6:T I want to sleep.
3: 1 It is like I am of 2 bodies, one is going on wanting to do what it always does and the other needs to be absolutely still, no movement at all.
3: 1 Lying down. I think I will close my eyes.
5:1 Sunday after class I was very clumsy. I broke a picture glass. When I was vacuuming I hit every corner, object I could. I was hypersensitive to the noise and irritated. I felt like I had to use great strength to push the vacuum and pull to sweep.
3:2 Some of my energy is returning.
3:2 Have had more energy this morning. Feel like my life force is coming back. The energy of this substance is still in me—mostly I feel it in my head and my spine -- like a heaviness and a presence.
3: 2 Putting out birdseed and feel full of energy. It is time to sleep and wondering if I will be able to.
3: 3 Going for a walk outside. I am feeling very tired. The dark tea is gone, have made some green tea which is warm and lovely but not full of caffeine. It feels cold outside and although I usually appreciate the change to cooler fresh air, tonight it feels like I want more layers on me. During walk, left large toe starts hurting, sharp pain with each step. I end up trying to walk on the outside of my foot to keep pressure off the toe. Once I am back in the building, the pain goes away.
3: 3 Am very tired. Decide to eat, read, sleep.
3: 3 Sleep came very easily. Am awake now. Feel dull. Standing my body feels about 94. It takes about an hour to come to life enough to interact with husband.
6:3 I feel great! Clear, balanced, energized.
5:4 Last night my lateral arm muscles, top of shoulders and nape of neck muscles were very sore. t felt like I had lifted weights the day before and my muscles were re-cooperating from the fatigue.
3: 5 Wide awake and out of bed immediately (leaping out of bed is not my style) right to the little, quite things that need to be done - to them with a quiet sense of pleasure.
3: 5 Looking back over the day, this has been a productive day but not with a single project focus, more a desire to move from one activity to another doing a little of this, a little of that. I am feeling very satisfied. Tired still.
3: 5 Energy is low.
3: 5 Called into work, energy is high and unable to sleep.
3: 6 Expected to be dragging at work, but energy has remained high and i do not look particularly tired. energy remained with me all night, not particular physical symptoms to note.
3: 7 Felt energetic all night.
3: 7 Note about coffee: I am missing coffee at work, like I would miss a friend who goes away. but, i am not needing to have the coffee. I take dark tea to work with me, and I have not experienced any energy lags without the coffee. This seems unusual to me, especially on the nights when I have not been able to sleep prior to working. I will look forward to having coffee again, but it doesn’t feel like it is a necessity.
8:7 More cleaning energy- I cleaned the refrigerator
8: 12 I was EXTERMELY exhausted last night. N even said I looked exhausted. Painting isn’t that difficult physically so I don’t know why it hit me that way. I have done this before and not felt so tired.
3: T Cannot sit anymore.
4: T Right leg restless, bouncing.
4: T Bouncing both legs.
4: T Trembling hands.
6: T Normally, I feel kind of fidgety, but for now I feel pretty still.
6: T Fidgeting starting to return. Tapping legs.
6: T I feel like if I were sitting here, I would be wandering around, restless.
7: T Tedious, tedium, subdued, dreamy
7: T Moving legs constantly.
Extremity movement-knees.
Moving legs together.
Juggling
Bouncing (mentions it twice)
Beating to drum/drumming
Tapping
Snap fingers
Arms/hands no longer shaky
8: T I feel very content.
9 :T Now after feel very sleepy and calm.
9: 1 Peacefulness despite not being content, but a weighted feeling almost, heavy but peaceful.
8:1 Calm, content, peaceful feeling going to work on a rainy day-normal hate to go to work.
3: 1 I am tired and I feel I have lost contact with the core of peace.
3: 2 Am not yet at appointment. 10 minutes and I will be late. I am not worried. I am thinking I will arrive with moments to spare, the parking space will be there, the traffic will relent.
3: 2 Beautiful day.
8:2 Peaceful on the walk into work, tied but relaxed. Today I drove from Dover to Portsmouth for my appt with Liz. As I was driving I was trying to find the right word for how I was feeling-content and peaceful aren’t quite right. I was thinking ”heavy:., “weighted”, but those aren’t right either. I don’t feel heavier. Liz said I seemed to be more “present” and that might be just right. I feel like more of me is in my body. I’m not larger or too heavy to move, just feel like I’m there now. I was also looking for another word ”thoughtless” isn’t right as that has some negative connotation.. Thought-less is better. I’m feeling less creative. The things I accomplished today were about taking something already created and tweaking it for my purpose., whereas in most recent months I would start something on my own. Its definitely EASIER to get things done this way! “ Thoughtless” seems to sit well with me. I’m not thinking, thinking, thinking…. Just kind of mellow without being completely dull.
9:2 Evening-still feeling weighted but clear.
3: 3 Driving down my street on way back to my house. The neighbor’s dog is in the road. I often hear this dog playing in their back yard with the children but hardly ever see him. today he is in the road and as I am driving we make eye contact and I “know” that he is going to follow me into my driveway. I get out of the car and there the dog is. We chat, i rub his fur, his head and speak with him. He looks at me with soulful amber eyes and then when I say good-by, he walks with me to the door and plans to come in with me. He sticks his head in the door and tried to squeeze past me but I tell him he can’t come in (although i am feeling that I want him to come in, he is a lab and I miss my old lab so much). In a few minutes I go back out to put out mail, the dog is gone.
3: 3 I feel like, the thing I really didn’t like, I had discovered this core of peace in myself, and this took it away. But it is not ok. The feeling of peace, I couldn’t touch it anymore and it is gone. It was awful.
5:3 Today has been a very warm beautiful day. I think we hit 64 degrees. I have been in fantastic spirits. Very happy! Nothing could go wrong with a day like today! I am not sure if it is the remedy or if it is the weather.
5:3 Things are Blissful!
9:3 Driving under that tree really was uneasy feeling but yet again, I had this peacefulness and grounded/weighted feeling that it was ok, despite my heart racing a bit. As I think back on the day, I went for a hike this morning with my youngest daughter and our dog. My daughter was on my back. We hiked in the woods, which is full of ticks but I did not freak out. I thought about the ticks during my walk but was also able to let the sun pour on my face, listen to my daughter talk and talk and watch my dog run free. The ticks were on my mind, but they did not ruin my experience as they usually do. I usually stay away from the woods after the first thaw because of the ticks.
3: 4 I have a desire to get moving on cleaning up things, like spring cleaning, opening up windows, scattering some dust and renewing surfaces. Caring for things, and people, and the places that the people abide in. I have a desire to call people on the phone (but enough self-restraint to not do that at this hour.) My heart feels light. I want to stand in a warm, warm shower and feel the water running over my head. I want to be out in the sunshine raking the leaves off the gardens. I want to run by the edge of the ocean and feel the salt spray on my cheeks. I want to feel my hands in warm dirt and watch small green things coming up out of the soil. I want to scatter fairy dust and make all my friends well—and then I want to swirl around and scatter that fairy dust over the entire globe. I want to dress in glowing gowns of blue and deep purple. I want to move in and out of the pregnant dark night and the glowing sunny days. I want to be alive in the deepest recesses of my soul and to feel the winds of heaven pass through my aura and touch me with love.
3: 5 The aches of yesterday are gone, I feel alert, rested, peaceful.
3: 5 Feel content.
3: 7 Did errands after work which added to my drive home, remained alert and happy, really happy, all the way home.
8:6 During attunement lots of movement of my body-forward and back, crooked ellipse, circular.
8:7 I was awake for awhile—There’s a need to keep space clear and energy safe. All the more reason not to allow Kristyn free reign to wander all over the house with her very chaotic energy (like marking territory)
9:7 No sleep at all, really restless early this morning.
Energetic/Fatigue:
4: T Drank water down wrong way, coughing made me feel weak.
4:T My supervisor’s restlessness/bouncing increases weak feeling.
4:T PM; Want to eat, just can’t imagine exerting the effort to do it.
3: T Sleepy- feels could fall asleep.
4: T Desires sleep to escape.
4: T Could fall asleep.
3: T PM; Tired, just want to be quiet.
5:T Shaky inner energy. I can really feel a surge of energy. From my heart outward.
6:T Urge to be proactive, but aware of the feeling rather than just doing it.
6:T I want to sleep.
3: 1 It is like I am of 2 bodies, one is going on wanting to do what it always does and the other needs to be absolutely still, no movement at all.
3: 1 Lying down. I think I will close my eyes.
5:1 Sunday after class I was very clumsy. I broke a picture glass. When I was vacuuming I hit every corner, object I could. I was hypersensitive to the noise and irritated. I felt like I had to use great strength to push the vacuum and pull to sweep.
3:2 Some of my energy is returning.
3:2 Have had more energy this morning. Feel like my life force is coming back. The energy of this substance is still in me—mostly I feel it in my head and my spine -- like a heaviness and a presence.
3: 2 Putting out birdseed and feel full of energy. It is time to sleep and wondering if I will be able to.
3: 3 Going for a walk outside. I am feeling very tired. The dark tea is gone, have made some green tea which is warm and lovely but not full of caffeine. It feels cold outside and although I usually appreciate the change to cooler fresh air, tonight it feels like I want more layers on me. During walk, left large toe starts hurting, sharp pain with each step. I end up trying to walk on the outside of my foot to keep pressure off the toe. Once I am back in the building, the pain goes away.
3: 3 Am very tired. Decide to eat, read, sleep.
3: 3 Sleep came very easily. Am awake now. Feel dull. Standing my body feels about 94. It takes about an hour to come to life enough to interact with husband.
6:3 I feel great! Clear, balanced, energized.
5:4 Last night my lateral arm muscles, top of shoulders and nape of neck muscles were very sore. t felt like I had lifted weights the day before and my muscles were re-cooperating from the fatigue.
3: 5 Wide awake and out of bed immediately (leaping out of bed is not my style) right to the little, quite things that need to be done - to them with a quiet sense of pleasure.
3: 5 Looking back over the day, this has been a productive day but not with a single project focus, more a desire to move from one activity to another doing a little of this, a little of that. I am feeling very satisfied. Tired still.
3: 5 Energy is low.
3: 5 Called into work, energy is high and unable to sleep.
3: 6 Expected to be dragging at work, but energy has remained high and i do not look particularly tired. energy remained with me all night, not particular physical symptoms to note.
3: 7 Felt energetic all night.
3: 7 Note about coffee: I am missing coffee at work, like I would miss a friend who goes away. but, i am not needing to have the coffee. I take dark tea to work with me, and I have not experienced any energy lags without the coffee. This seems unusual to me, especially on the nights when I have not been able to sleep prior to working. I will look forward to having coffee again, but it doesn’t feel like it is a necessity.
8:7 More cleaning energy- I cleaned the refrigerator
8: 12 I was EXTERMELY exhausted last night. N even said I looked exhausted. Painting isn’t that difficult physically so I don’t know why it hit me that way. I have done this before and not felt so tired.
Aggression/Withdrawal: agitated, angry, irritable:
3:T Aversion to holding scraper.
4:T All the buzzing around is annoying me.
4:T Averse to talking.
4:T Want to block out sound/voices (talking agg).
4:T Wants to be done! (with trituration).
4:T Wants to sleep, lie down.
4:T Not happy about giving up coffee.
4:T Slow and whiny speaking.
4:T Aversion to speaking in front of group.
4:T You’re not paying attention to me. I have to say everything twice.
4:T Snippy; bitchy.
4:T It’s about being heard.
4:T Withdraws.
7:T Nasty, naughty. Bothered me to be out of the loop.
8:T I feel irritated and annoyed by the tapping and juggling.
8:T I was very irritable - did not want to talk with anyone - wanted to be by myself.
9:1 Realized that the woodstove was not started (usually partner does this in the morning before he goes to work) and there were no logs in our barn…had to go to woodpile with wheel barrel to get a few loads to get through the day. Feeling annoyed since it is pouring rain outside, cold and its my birthday. But the feeling is not lasting, I feel determined that its not big deal, I can just do it along with all the other house, kids, dog stuff. I was in class all weekend and the weather really was bad for hauling logs.
9:2 Partner told me I needed to cover bedtime as he last minute decided he had to go out for work. My annoyance came quickly and left quickly….usually around my partner and work stuff I get annoyed and stay that way for a bit.
5:4 I am feeling a little irritated and anxious about my house project. My husband and I really need to sit down and communicate the next step. I feel resistance from him and it is making me irritable.
8:5 I got so irritated I quit (work) for the day. At first I thought I was just tired but then I had to go get groceries and a woman in the parking lot who was trying to leave commented to me to pull over more so she could drive away. Then in the store this woman was on her cell phone and I said to myself my God can’t she be off the phone for a half hour while she shops?!! What is wrong with these people!!
8:5 Then at home I still had to make dinner and in preparing it I would get irritated even with the way the eggs cracked. When my housemate came home he is Mr. jovial and all I want to do is watch a movie online and be by myself so instead of saying anything but a few necessary words I sat & watched the movie. I think if I had conversed with him I would have chopped his head off.
9:5 I am feeling extremely agitated and angry. I feel bad for my son as he is sick in bed…no fever and has not vomited for several hours, keeping a little liquid down. However, I feel really bummed that B has the day off and we are stuck at home with a sick child. Again, days off where and he and I get to do something with just one child is such a rare thing… I was really looking forward to having time AND the weather is so extraordinarily beautiful.
6:7 Spent several hours of the day feeling pretty annoyed by my kids. They were demanding, whiny. Probably not more than usual and I haven’t felt this annoyed by them in awhile.
8:7 When we got home I was really CRANKY and sore. I had a little meltdown because K’s presence is draining. I was angry with M for telling me one thing and it wasn’t really her problem but his. I was angry (but repressed) that she came down in her underwear. And I was angry that L doesn’t send her away. CRANKY.
Double/ Synchronicity:
7: T Symmetry: Double letter, Sally game.
8:T Think this substance has double consonants.
Double, sharing, halves……..
Symmetrical/double consonant.
9:3 We then got to a restaurant (my third pick-one I was not so happy about) we got a few Shirley Temples (also something I would NEVER normally do….feel to guilty to spend the $ or take the time). As we were sitting I noticed the couple right next to us. I could not see all of the woman’s face but she looked familiar. As my daughter and I sat and talked some more I got a strong feeling that she was in the band we were going to see. I thought about how I could approach them and ask but decided that would just be way out of my comfort level. As we were leaving the woman stopped ME and said ”hey, I know you…” and we started talking, she introduced us to her friend, she met my daughter. she then asked if we were going to see the show and I was yes, its my daughters first concert and then she says great, I am going to play one for you!!! It was really cool. Turns out she was the lead fiddler of this band and she rocks! This is a band we have listened to for 10 years, have most of the CDs and she is on the cover of all of them, so in a way I know who she was, but why she thought she knew me…. I’ll never know. Very serendipitous that we ended up at that restaurant.
9:3 The past tow days I have had three friends talk to me about how disgusted they are with the public school systems. Friends who have “leaned in” to the public schools in Maine and are wanting to pull out and home school.
8:6 When M, T and I laughed about Teflon we said well it sure isn’t Velcro. Less than five minutes after we started the afternoon session, Andrew used the work Velcro and I was stunned. I blessed the synchronicity and pondered.
8:8 I was VERY late to work but miraculously all the meetings I would have missed were cancelled!!
Orange:
7:T Orange comes to mind.
9: T Juggling, “Wish I had some oranges”
4:1 I was at a beach but found myself on the second floor of a building looking down at people that I knew. they were standing on a brick, but the color was an orange-red, path that went all around the building. I noticed the pattern of the bricks, typical alternating pattern but something seemed slightly different about it. there were 3 or 4 people standing there and they were playing some kind of game involving a paddle and a ball. I was looking out a wall which was a window to watch them play.
5:1 I feel very child like. I am skipping in parking lots and when the waitress gave me a large glass of OJ, Instead of picking it up and taking a sip leaned over and slurped the juice from the cup.
8:8 I’m down in a basement level gift shop that is very crowded and have gathered several things to purchase-calendars and books. The walls are orange/peach. N finds a calendar and sets it with mine for now. As I reach the cashier, I set hers (Goodnight Moon?) on the counter to the left and a woman immediately scoops it up and pays for it. I realize and tell the manager who asks someone to get another. In the meantime, he writes at the back of my calendar, something about finding it when I found the other calendar (weird). After I pay for the four things I wanted, I got ready to leave. The entrance, arched stone stairway, Mexican restaurant feel to the place, is jammed with people coming down for some orange kind of Mexican drink. I look for another way out as I cant see how to get through the mass of people (claustrophobia).
Misc:
8:14 I feel a block that is in the way of me getting into my studio and making jewelry. There is something that just keeps me from sitting at the dining room table and doing bead work or at my bench working in metal. Have you seen “The Tin Man”? It is an updated version of the Wizard of OZ. The tin man is a marshal in the land of OZ who was imprisoned by the bad guys in a metal container that looks like the old deep sea diving suits. This block feels like that. Something that is around me that I have to move through or dissolve. Not something blocking my way that I have to get over or around, not a door I need to open. More like I’m the fruit in the jello.
Dreams Water:
5:1 I also dreamt that the road had caved in and welled up with water. The water was clear and it looked like something white was lodged deep at the bottom. My husband jumped in to see what it was. He came back up and said it was bottom less.
6:14 Remember in a dream that I was walking through tropical water, about knee deep. Looked down to see a sea slug/cucumber type thing, beautiful purple colors about the size of a banana. It looks up at me.
5:12 Last night I had my first big dream. I was in murky muddy water, pond or lake not sure and I was swimming with my husband along a dock system. I reached for what I thought was a buoy and it turned out to be an arm with a red shirt. Both my husband and I were alarmed. The next image I had, I was either in the water on my back or on the grass with my hands out stretched looking up at the sun. The sun was then blocked by a cloaked figure. The cloak was wool and the person had its hands out stretched and was silhouetted. The hood was up and it was faceless. I remember thinking that it must have been an angel.
9: 14 I then was stuck in a boat with a man rowing…we were not on water at first but driving again. My two youngest kids were in the way, way back of this boat, almost a different attachment to the main part of the boat that the driver and I were sitting, he was in front, I behind him than again my youngest two in the way, way back. He would be driving us, I felt like I had to trust him to take us where we needed to go. I did not want to go on this ride but I knew I had to in order to finish what I needed to do to get back to my oldest and my partner or at least get to my phone so I could tell them where I was. We were in a place that was like Florida. At one point we were moving fast and ducking under this thick layer of trees, big old growth that made a sort of cave like feeling. However I saw it as we entered, but then I could not get my eyes to open to see it (this happens at times to me when dreaming, like I know I am dreaming, want to open my eyes so I can see what it happening but can’t). When we got through the is cave like place we were on water. It was very open and scary feeling. The water was dark blue, lost of traps in water, not necessarily lobster traps. There were signs all over saying it was poison. I was terrified because my youngest were in the way back, I could not rock the boat to turn around but I knew they were dragging their hands in the water. I did not know what to do. I was yelling at them to stop but they would not. I was looking all around to see what the poison was, if I could find out anything as this boat was just coasting in the long lost water place. I saw a scuba diver that had on all black emerge out of the water, he/she was very scary to me but was a friendly face and smiling. I was trying to figure out how he/she could go under and not be subjected to the poisons of the water. As I looked for the end of the trail of water I saw none, I wanted this part of the ride to be over. I felt scared but yet felt I had to go through this and was also trying to talk myself off the edge and lean into the experience…we will be ok.
Scary, anxious dreams:
6:4 My husband and I were going on a plane, waiting to get on a small 10-15 seater. We heard there was a delay because the windshield was cracked and it would be a couple hours. Immediately we were let on the plane and sat right up in the cockpit next to the female pilot- squished in the cockpit. I looked over and an actor from a TV show I watch was seated on the other side. I couldn’t find any crack in the windshield.We started taxing and never left the ground. It got dark. The pilot stopped at a parking lot for a rest stop. We all piled out an into a grungy store. There was a Mexican taqueria inside, but in it’s own glass box. You got buzzed in through the door and someone pointed a large shotgun at you while you ordered. I felt a bit nervous but went in. The guy holding the gun was big- long frizzy black hair that went over his face. I ordered the simplest thing I could but when some other guy started back talking about his order, I turned and left. I didn’t even wait for K (my husband) and hightailed it back to the parking lot. Others started wandering back; I got into some car (the plane had disappeared) and waited for Kevin and our friend to return. A woman got in the car with me said she thought they were on their way.
6:6 I’m driving on Highway 17, that connects San jose and Santa Cruz in California. There are sharp curves and turns that go up and over the mountains. I know this road but I’m driving too fast and there are a few times that I end up scraping up along the guard rail and I feel scared and a little bit out of control. I end up somewhere with a friend. S, from homeopathy classes, is there. We’re going to a play. We go to pay for our tickets and I realize that I’ve forgotten my purse in the coatroom. I got to get my things and someone has- in the span of about 3 minutes- stolen all my credit cards, license, money, etc… from my wallet. All they left were my ipods.
5:7 I did wake up with a fright last night. I can not recall the nightmare, but I asked my husband to put on the bed side lamp. We slept with it on all night. My husband is such a trooper.
8:5 I’m in a mall or large everything supermarket and carry some extension cords and decorations. I cant reach the area I need to decorate so I place them behind a cash register for now. Soon, some men shut down the mall and lock the doors. Some people escape first. The rest are stuck inside and sitting ducks for these men as hostages. (I become an observer.) I see people hiding. There is a lot of stainless steel in this building. One man who worked in the food service section was able to turn on the conveyor belt for making French toast. He jumps into a large vat that would be for hot water then after he travels a while through the French toast process including an egg bath, he climbs out on to the belt and over the burners for making the toast. He head toward these rotary blades (large saws)!) that would cut into strips of toast. I’m concerned he wont get out soon enough. He avoids the blades somehow and then goes straight through the syrup section and gets warm syrup dumped on him. He makes it to the end and off the belt, somehow allowing him to escape outside. I’m outside next and see a few people have snuck out, many cannot find their cars and are banding together to escape quickly.
8:6 One girl is mad at me for always coming somewhere. She decides I am going to be the one she hits with a lance (like for blood testing) that injects. I run, she almost chooses someone else but I have a smoke ball and strike her with it. She gets close enough to me and pricks me with the lance and I go down. She shoves the now empty but sharp lance into my shorts and exposed privates (not puncturing, just setting in the general area)
8:6 At this house or old house, all that was left was a safe. It was in the mudroom area between garage and kitchen. A bunch of us were in the house for some reason, having a good time when these men with black cat burglar suits snuck into the garage (note, K sleeps about garage). We didn’t want them to find the safe and were trying to figure out how to keep them out of the house.
8:8 We were vacationing and staying a day later at a hotel.. I think we decided to leave very early in the morning bet we all woke up much too late. As we scrambled around no none has packed and we cant get out of our won way to get it done/we are all (4 or 5 of us) late for schools and work. I don’t know if ever paid for the extra night or not. We never leave the hotel before I wake up.
8:9 Dream: Man and daughter were homeless and making camp on the grass. There happened to be a long table there, picnic table. I remembered passing him before and knowing he’d been arrested wrongly and released. The father had a tick bite on his forehead and was cleaning it. I joined the man and daughter. I pulled his jeans and coat off the table to cushion my head on t he ground. As I was lying there, I started to hear conversation with a high-strung man who was threatening. I saw a knife. As he moved closer he saw me on the ground and was saying he ‘d kill one easy. He let the knife drop right above me and it dropped right down to me over my abdomen.
9:14 I then was stuck in a boat with a man rowing…we were not on water at first, but driving again. My two youngest kids were in the way, way back of this boat, almost a different attachment to the main part of the boat that the driver and I were sitting, he was in front, I behind him than again my youngest two in the way, way back. He would be driving us, I felt like I had to trust him to take us where we needed to go. I did not want to go on this ride but I knew I had to in order to finish what I needed to do to get back to my oldest and my partner or at least get to my phone so I could tell them where I was. We were in a place that was like Florida. At one point we were moving fast and ducking under this thick layer of trees, big old growth that made a sort of cave like feeling. However I saw it as we entered, but then I could not get my eyes to open to see it (this happens at times to me when dreaming, like I know I am dreaming, want to open my eyes so I can see what it happening but can’t) when we got through the is cave like place we were on water. It was very open and scary feeling. The water was dark blue, lost of traps in water, not necessarily lobster traps. There were signs all over saying it was poison. I was terrified because my youngest were in the way back, I could not rock the boat to turn around but I knew they were dragging their hands in the water. I did not know what to do. I was yelling at them to stop but they would not. I was looking all around to see what the poison was, if I could find out anything as this boat was just coasting in the long lost water place. I saw a scuba diver that had on all black emerge out of the water, he/she was very scary to me but was a friendly face and smiling. I was trying to figure out how he/she could go under and not be subjected to the poisons of the water. As I looked for the end of the trail of water I saw none, I wanted this part of the ride to be over. I felt scared but yet felt I had to go through this and was also trying to talk myself off the edge and lean into the experience…we will be ok.
Dreams and reality:
3:T PM, Dreams: they were so “real” that I am having trouble sorting them from memory.
3:7 It is difficult to bring my dreams into conscious attention. It is like I am living two lives that are connected and intertwines, but I can no longer access the dream phase. When I wake up, I often and still dreaming, but as soon as I try to put my brain onto the dream so that I can write it down, it evaporates. It is almost like the trituration day when I felt I had to make a choice to either write or be present (which is not usual for me, usually, writing keeps me present, helps keep me from drifting off into other spaces).I do recall that as I woke this last time, there was the color yellow, daffodil yellow. It had started out small and turned into a huge oval of yellow which was almost iridescent, yet still opaque—and it was grabbing all my attention into the beauty of the color.
8:5 As I was getting ready in the morning, I recalled something I though was real but realized was a dream. I had a tag on the center of my right eyelid along the lash line. It was brown and really bothered me. I wanted to cut or scratch it off
9:5 I am usually a vivid dreamer and remember quite a bit of detail. This week I am dreaming but the dream world and my real life are sort of molding together. One of them I spent a few hours on and off trying to recall the past few days because I thought surely it really happened and was not a dream-but I can not place it in my conscious world.
3:10 I woke up from a dream which I think might have been longer but it is the ending of it that I recall and the thought that I awoke with. The dream was so detailed and clear I could almost feel that it was real. There was a young woman walking down a street and a group of young men were harassing her. I was standing on a rise above them and called down to them to leave her alone and went right down among them and stood toe to toe with one of the young men. It is the details—his blue, blue eyes, his wavy sandy blond hair, the fact that he was a little taller than I am, his youth that were so vivid when I woke up. There was an exchange of words, the men left and I turned and looked out at the ocean—grey with white caps and thought about the consequences of my interaction—would I have been willing to follow through on what I said to them?
Dreams of friends, parties, dancing, laughter:
9:3 Two nights ago I can not remember the details but I remember a man with a brown shirt and there were several of us all dancing in a line and the woman who was a friend of mine started to laugh as we checked his arm pits, there were rings of sweat under them. We all laughed , even he did. There was a felling of love and laughter and fun.
9:5 There was a party and friend of ours(in real life) are sailing south this winter with their 4 kids. At this party the mom and her oldest daughter came and we were all so happy to see them. The moms hair was so long and thick and dyed a reddish brown color.
6:6 Dream: I’m living in a huge house- almost like a plantation at the end of a dirt road. It’s my birthday and I’m expecting people over for a party. People start arriving- more than I expected. People I don’t know. Soon the house is packed with tons of people eating and drinking. I don’t see anyone I know. I’m getting more and more agitated because this is NOT how I wanted my party to be. I want to dance, but everyone is just drinking and talking- more like a high school party. I end up going to bed. Wake up the next morning and the place is trashed. I see 2 kids I went to high school with and they don’t even talk to me. There’s a maid and she’s pissed because they ate all the food.
6:8 My in-laws were building a house here in Maine for them to stay in when they visit us. It started out as a simple little cottage, but then it morphed into this tricked out play land for adults and children. Huge bunk lofts and Pottery Barn-like playroom with plush rugs and on and on. There were people visiting us who we used to dance/party with in California. I kept wandering into room that got more and more fantastical- one had a carousel. Then around another corner I saw a door and went out the door and found myself outside walking up a ramp. There was a rink- like a roller skating track- but it moved and the surface was painted and lacquered a brilliant pink. People were dressed up and skating around doing performances. One of the women came up to me and was flirty and asking me if I was interested in what they were doing. She explained that they were called ‘Hearts Afire’ and they met once a month or so to do this performance art. Next thing I know, I’m flying. I’m floating away from the rink and notice next to it is this huge English style house with a thatch roof… and then as I get further and further away it goes on and on and I see it’s a thatched roof condo-complex. I keep flying away and look down at tons of lights- where I thought I was out in rural Maine, it looked like I was over a city. I started talking to myself- about how at one time I was afraid of flying but now I know how to direct myself, it’s not so scary. I managed to get myself back to the house.
8:10 I have gone to this large barn-like structure that is supposedly a restaurant. Its along a rural highway along a river. When R (a work friend) and I arrive, there is one four-top table that is piled high with junk and two or three sofas. Some locals hand out inside wearing winter coats. When someone eats, they do so standing up near the counter. Next door, across the parking lot is a very successful restaurant. I ask the owners don’t they want that? They do but they don’t have a clue as to how to be successful. We learn that at big event is coming through next weekend where a lot of buses will be through. They know the other place will get all the business. I encourage them to think! R can ge up to 106 card table from her family home. My friend J has folding chairs. I can get cheap fabric to cut for table cloths. We plan how many we need (probably 12 tables) and get organized (I am definitely in charge). The owners have family that can wait tables. I tell them they need a big sign and then add “buses welcome: etc. We have a great plan for a successful restaurant that can then be improved (real tables and chairs) as the business grows.
8:13 Dream: I was part of planning our class reunion and we had to find a place to have it. There was the abandoned big stone house and we broke in and it was beautiful inside - there were no broken windows so everything inside was just dusty. No furniture, but that was OK. The only thing we had to do was create front entrance stairs. There was a big back yard with old gardens and big trees and a brook ran along the back of the property. The night of the party we were controlling the front entrance by checking who wanted to come in - some people had to be turned away but the way we set up the back yard they could go back there - there was just no way of getting in the house back there. There was a lot of commotion at the front entrance. The way we had set up the stairway was that it was a big winding stair with several landings leading up to the door so people could congregate at the landings and still allow people to pass.
It was a wild party and everyone had great fun but we were missing people so a bunch of us went looking for them. We were driving down this large divided street something like Spring St. here in Portland by the Holiday Inn. We were stopping at all the train stations thinking they had gotten off the wrong stop. We finally met up with them. What had happened is that no one could decide how to get to the party so they decided to stay put. Then I was somewhere else by myself. It was like the cross between a community food pantry and a small natural food store. There were tiny loaves of bread called Sesame Street cinnamon loaf. They were very tiny and had tiny slices. Something a kid would use when playing and having a tea party. You could buy them separately or in a tiny bread basket with a cloth and handles. I couldn’t decide whether or not to buy because they seemed expensive and I was there to get food from the pantry for free.
Misc. Dreams:
3:T PM; Of sweaty arm pits.
3:T PM; Of sitting around trituration table laughing.
3:t PM; Of someone tall in dark brown clothing.
3:1 Can’t access dreams except something about a bicycle.
3:4 Woke after a deep, very deep sleep. Only fragment of a dream I can recall is one of having a hole in the enamel of a tooth—upper right side.
4:5 Dream: I really wanted to run. (I am not a runner but it has always interested me) I thought I could run a short distance. I ran about ¼ mile and turned to run back where I started. I couldn’t go for long distances because I was at the beach with other people and also needed to keep an eye on my kids. when I got back to where I started I turned to start the run again. About halfway into the run I turned to run up a set of stairs that was there. My brother-in-law called to me to say I shouldn’t be running in bare feet. I also noticed that I had been running on the balls of my feet the whole time and they were aching. He caught up with me to give me something to put on my feet. They looked like slippers not sneakers. I put them on but felt it wasn’t going to help the balls of my feet. I started running and needed to focus on running with my heel down first and roll through to the ball of my foot.
9:2 All the details are not clear, but it had to do with cement. Making a patio or a walkway and cement was used. I love it and thought it made sense but someone told me that cement would not last long, it cracked and broke easily. I felt disappointed because I thought it was the answer to a problem I was having in my dream. I remember seeing the cement bubble up from underneath.
5:3 I had a dream of cooking a large vat of meatballs in spaghetti sauce.
8:4 Dream: There are a lot of people-we all have the wrong remedy or the wrong people. We are discussing how to get the right remedy to all these people. I thought about this need of mine to “guess” what the substance is that we are proving-lots of play and word play.
8:5 Dream- I attended a workshop at N’s house. L was there too. There was a long hall where we were learning. A table of food was there too. N also had a daycare at the same time. The children were in a large living room/library area. Along the wall was a stair/climb challenge that allowed the children to climb up the wall to a long shelf along the top (about 2’ from ceiling). Once child couldn’t do it and gave up easily, she was upset and could not go beyond the first couple of steps. The next class we were trying to be quiet so that we didn’t wake someone’s (L or N’s) OLD husband. He would be annoyed. After awhile we didn’t care about the noise. I went into the daycare and that girl was the only one still there. I encouraged he to try the steps again. She was VERY reluctant. We tried to get her to take off shoes and socks to try. Then I got her a pair of toe socks and she tried. When she got stuck I helped her balance and continue. Soon she made it to the top and crawled into this area with pillow-cozy. She liked it. Then she crawled to the end of the shelf and climbed or even jumped down.
9:7 Dreams last night had to do with a castle and rain and babies and a department store and candy. There was some kind of a scandal or worry of some kind. Waiting for people and I think hiding or waiting. I remember there was a feeling of cold and anxiousness about/around something. The place was big and there was a courtyard, like the castle was built in a square and the courtyard was in the middle of the square . It was brick and again it was night and rainy and cold.
8:10 Brought groceries home—a nice meal for Lee and I. Mikhail had to cook his lunch and dinner first. As his pizza is in the oven and he is cooking chicken on the stove, the burner won’t light—out of gas! So after all that Lee and I end up out at Margarita’s and brought home pizza for Mikhail. Some one up there is laughing!
8:10 I have gone to this large barn-like structure that is supposedly a restaurant. Its along a rural highway along a river. When Raylene (a work friend) and I arrive, there is one four-top table that is piled high with junk and tow or three sofas. Some locals hand out inside wearing winter coats. When someone eats, they do so standing up near the counter. Next door, across the parking lot is a very successful restaurant. I ask the owners don’t they want that? They do but they don’t have a clue as to how to be successful. We learn that at big event is coming through next weekend where a lot of buses will be through. They know the other place will get all the business. I encourage them to think! Raylene can get up to 106 card table from her family home. My friend Jeff has folding chairs. I can get cheap fabric to cut for table cloths. We plan how many we need (probably 12 tables) and get organized (I am definitely in charge). The owners have family that can wait tables. I tell them they need a big sign and then add “buses welcome: etc. We have a great plan for a successful restaurant that can then be improved (real tables and chairs) as the business grows.
9:11 Dream about my parents (both still alive) and that they had moved (which is true) but that they wished they had moved to this other home they looked at. As I walked this other home I saw many things I did not when we looked at it before and did not understand why we did not support them in buying it as it might have been a much better choice for my mother (who has a traumatic brain injury from last year, which is true) and she might not be in the same state of mind if we picked that home instead, maybe she would be happier. The dream was all about the home, what it had in it that she would love. There was a section that had big pine trees outside that we talked about cutting down and building a patio so she could get outside easily by herself.
9:14 There was sledding down this hill, really fast and icy. I wanted to go down but needed to make sure that no one was in the way. There were tons of people and kids. It was a thing in my sons school (the cast of characters were from his school). There were all sorts of sleds to choose from, red, blue, orange, yellow, green sleds and different kinds. This woman and I commented on it looked like we could choose any of them. I went down in a blue sled but felt scared about going down so fast. Started half way down but saw others (husband included) going down form top. I eventually went form top but used my body only, not as sled but feeling the bumps hurt and I had the thought that I might damage my back.
9:14 Another random dream, not sure when I had it, but past two nights…. Only remember that our neighbor needed to call the fire department because his burn pile got out of control.
5:1 I also dreamt that the road had caved in and welled up with water. The water was clear and it looked like something white was lodged deep at the bottom. My husband jumped in to see what it was. He came back up and said it was bottom less.
6:14 Remember in a dream that I was walking through tropical water, about knee deep. Looked down to see a sea slug/cucumber type thing, beautiful purple colors about the size of a banana. It looks up at me.
5:12 Last night I had my first big dream. I was in murky muddy water, pond or lake not sure and I was swimming with my husband along a dock system. I reached for what I thought was a buoy and it turned out to be an arm with a red shirt. Both my husband and I were alarmed. The next image I had, I was either in the water on my back or on the grass with my hands out stretched looking up at the sun. The sun was then blocked by a cloaked figure. The cloak was wool and the person had its hands out stretched and was silhouetted. The hood was up and it was faceless. I remember thinking that it must have been an angel.
9: 14 I then was stuck in a boat with a man rowing…we were not on water at first but driving again. My two youngest kids were in the way, way back of this boat, almost a different attachment to the main part of the boat that the driver and I were sitting, he was in front, I behind him than again my youngest two in the way, way back. He would be driving us, I felt like I had to trust him to take us where we needed to go. I did not want to go on this ride but I knew I had to in order to finish what I needed to do to get back to my oldest and my partner or at least get to my phone so I could tell them where I was. We were in a place that was like Florida. At one point we were moving fast and ducking under this thick layer of trees, big old growth that made a sort of cave like feeling. However I saw it as we entered, but then I could not get my eyes to open to see it (this happens at times to me when dreaming, like I know I am dreaming, want to open my eyes so I can see what it happening but can’t). When we got through the is cave like place we were on water. It was very open and scary feeling. The water was dark blue, lost of traps in water, not necessarily lobster traps. There were signs all over saying it was poison. I was terrified because my youngest were in the way back, I could not rock the boat to turn around but I knew they were dragging their hands in the water. I did not know what to do. I was yelling at them to stop but they would not. I was looking all around to see what the poison was, if I could find out anything as this boat was just coasting in the long lost water place. I saw a scuba diver that had on all black emerge out of the water, he/she was very scary to me but was a friendly face and smiling. I was trying to figure out how he/she could go under and not be subjected to the poisons of the water. As I looked for the end of the trail of water I saw none, I wanted this part of the ride to be over. I felt scared but yet felt I had to go through this and was also trying to talk myself off the edge and lean into the experience…we will be ok.
Scary, anxious dreams:
6:4 My husband and I were going on a plane, waiting to get on a small 10-15 seater. We heard there was a delay because the windshield was cracked and it would be a couple hours. Immediately we were let on the plane and sat right up in the cockpit next to the female pilot- squished in the cockpit. I looked over and an actor from a TV show I watch was seated on the other side. I couldn’t find any crack in the windshield.We started taxing and never left the ground. It got dark. The pilot stopped at a parking lot for a rest stop. We all piled out an into a grungy store. There was a Mexican taqueria inside, but in it’s own glass box. You got buzzed in through the door and someone pointed a large shotgun at you while you ordered. I felt a bit nervous but went in. The guy holding the gun was big- long frizzy black hair that went over his face. I ordered the simplest thing I could but when some other guy started back talking about his order, I turned and left. I didn’t even wait for K (my husband) and hightailed it back to the parking lot. Others started wandering back; I got into some car (the plane had disappeared) and waited for Kevin and our friend to return. A woman got in the car with me said she thought they were on their way.
6:6 I’m driving on Highway 17, that connects San jose and Santa Cruz in California. There are sharp curves and turns that go up and over the mountains. I know this road but I’m driving too fast and there are a few times that I end up scraping up along the guard rail and I feel scared and a little bit out of control. I end up somewhere with a friend. S, from homeopathy classes, is there. We’re going to a play. We go to pay for our tickets and I realize that I’ve forgotten my purse in the coatroom. I got to get my things and someone has- in the span of about 3 minutes- stolen all my credit cards, license, money, etc… from my wallet. All they left were my ipods.
5:7 I did wake up with a fright last night. I can not recall the nightmare, but I asked my husband to put on the bed side lamp. We slept with it on all night. My husband is such a trooper.
8:5 I’m in a mall or large everything supermarket and carry some extension cords and decorations. I cant reach the area I need to decorate so I place them behind a cash register for now. Soon, some men shut down the mall and lock the doors. Some people escape first. The rest are stuck inside and sitting ducks for these men as hostages. (I become an observer.) I see people hiding. There is a lot of stainless steel in this building. One man who worked in the food service section was able to turn on the conveyor belt for making French toast. He jumps into a large vat that would be for hot water then after he travels a while through the French toast process including an egg bath, he climbs out on to the belt and over the burners for making the toast. He head toward these rotary blades (large saws)!) that would cut into strips of toast. I’m concerned he wont get out soon enough. He avoids the blades somehow and then goes straight through the syrup section and gets warm syrup dumped on him. He makes it to the end and off the belt, somehow allowing him to escape outside. I’m outside next and see a few people have snuck out, many cannot find their cars and are banding together to escape quickly.
8:6 One girl is mad at me for always coming somewhere. She decides I am going to be the one she hits with a lance (like for blood testing) that injects. I run, she almost chooses someone else but I have a smoke ball and strike her with it. She gets close enough to me and pricks me with the lance and I go down. She shoves the now empty but sharp lance into my shorts and exposed privates (not puncturing, just setting in the general area)
8:6 At this house or old house, all that was left was a safe. It was in the mudroom area between garage and kitchen. A bunch of us were in the house for some reason, having a good time when these men with black cat burglar suits snuck into the garage (note, K sleeps about garage). We didn’t want them to find the safe and were trying to figure out how to keep them out of the house.
8:8 We were vacationing and staying a day later at a hotel.. I think we decided to leave very early in the morning bet we all woke up much too late. As we scrambled around no none has packed and we cant get out of our won way to get it done/we are all (4 or 5 of us) late for schools and work. I don’t know if ever paid for the extra night or not. We never leave the hotel before I wake up.
8:9 Dream: Man and daughter were homeless and making camp on the grass. There happened to be a long table there, picnic table. I remembered passing him before and knowing he’d been arrested wrongly and released. The father had a tick bite on his forehead and was cleaning it. I joined the man and daughter. I pulled his jeans and coat off the table to cushion my head on t he ground. As I was lying there, I started to hear conversation with a high-strung man who was threatening. I saw a knife. As he moved closer he saw me on the ground and was saying he ‘d kill one easy. He let the knife drop right above me and it dropped right down to me over my abdomen.
9:14 I then was stuck in a boat with a man rowing…we were not on water at first, but driving again. My two youngest kids were in the way, way back of this boat, almost a different attachment to the main part of the boat that the driver and I were sitting, he was in front, I behind him than again my youngest two in the way, way back. He would be driving us, I felt like I had to trust him to take us where we needed to go. I did not want to go on this ride but I knew I had to in order to finish what I needed to do to get back to my oldest and my partner or at least get to my phone so I could tell them where I was. We were in a place that was like Florida. At one point we were moving fast and ducking under this thick layer of trees, big old growth that made a sort of cave like feeling. However I saw it as we entered, but then I could not get my eyes to open to see it (this happens at times to me when dreaming, like I know I am dreaming, want to open my eyes so I can see what it happening but can’t) when we got through the is cave like place we were on water. It was very open and scary feeling. The water was dark blue, lost of traps in water, not necessarily lobster traps. There were signs all over saying it was poison. I was terrified because my youngest were in the way back, I could not rock the boat to turn around but I knew they were dragging their hands in the water. I did not know what to do. I was yelling at them to stop but they would not. I was looking all around to see what the poison was, if I could find out anything as this boat was just coasting in the long lost water place. I saw a scuba diver that had on all black emerge out of the water, he/she was very scary to me but was a friendly face and smiling. I was trying to figure out how he/she could go under and not be subjected to the poisons of the water. As I looked for the end of the trail of water I saw none, I wanted this part of the ride to be over. I felt scared but yet felt I had to go through this and was also trying to talk myself off the edge and lean into the experience…we will be ok.
Dreams and reality:
3:T PM, Dreams: they were so “real” that I am having trouble sorting them from memory.
3:7 It is difficult to bring my dreams into conscious attention. It is like I am living two lives that are connected and intertwines, but I can no longer access the dream phase. When I wake up, I often and still dreaming, but as soon as I try to put my brain onto the dream so that I can write it down, it evaporates. It is almost like the trituration day when I felt I had to make a choice to either write or be present (which is not usual for me, usually, writing keeps me present, helps keep me from drifting off into other spaces).I do recall that as I woke this last time, there was the color yellow, daffodil yellow. It had started out small and turned into a huge oval of yellow which was almost iridescent, yet still opaque—and it was grabbing all my attention into the beauty of the color.
8:5 As I was getting ready in the morning, I recalled something I though was real but realized was a dream. I had a tag on the center of my right eyelid along the lash line. It was brown and really bothered me. I wanted to cut or scratch it off
9:5 I am usually a vivid dreamer and remember quite a bit of detail. This week I am dreaming but the dream world and my real life are sort of molding together. One of them I spent a few hours on and off trying to recall the past few days because I thought surely it really happened and was not a dream-but I can not place it in my conscious world.
3:10 I woke up from a dream which I think might have been longer but it is the ending of it that I recall and the thought that I awoke with. The dream was so detailed and clear I could almost feel that it was real. There was a young woman walking down a street and a group of young men were harassing her. I was standing on a rise above them and called down to them to leave her alone and went right down among them and stood toe to toe with one of the young men. It is the details—his blue, blue eyes, his wavy sandy blond hair, the fact that he was a little taller than I am, his youth that were so vivid when I woke up. There was an exchange of words, the men left and I turned and looked out at the ocean—grey with white caps and thought about the consequences of my interaction—would I have been willing to follow through on what I said to them?
Dreams of friends, parties, dancing, laughter:
9:3 Two nights ago I can not remember the details but I remember a man with a brown shirt and there were several of us all dancing in a line and the woman who was a friend of mine started to laugh as we checked his arm pits, there were rings of sweat under them. We all laughed , even he did. There was a felling of love and laughter and fun.
9:5 There was a party and friend of ours(in real life) are sailing south this winter with their 4 kids. At this party the mom and her oldest daughter came and we were all so happy to see them. The moms hair was so long and thick and dyed a reddish brown color.
6:6 Dream: I’m living in a huge house- almost like a plantation at the end of a dirt road. It’s my birthday and I’m expecting people over for a party. People start arriving- more than I expected. People I don’t know. Soon the house is packed with tons of people eating and drinking. I don’t see anyone I know. I’m getting more and more agitated because this is NOT how I wanted my party to be. I want to dance, but everyone is just drinking and talking- more like a high school party. I end up going to bed. Wake up the next morning and the place is trashed. I see 2 kids I went to high school with and they don’t even talk to me. There’s a maid and she’s pissed because they ate all the food.
6:8 My in-laws were building a house here in Maine for them to stay in when they visit us. It started out as a simple little cottage, but then it morphed into this tricked out play land for adults and children. Huge bunk lofts and Pottery Barn-like playroom with plush rugs and on and on. There were people visiting us who we used to dance/party with in California. I kept wandering into room that got more and more fantastical- one had a carousel. Then around another corner I saw a door and went out the door and found myself outside walking up a ramp. There was a rink- like a roller skating track- but it moved and the surface was painted and lacquered a brilliant pink. People were dressed up and skating around doing performances. One of the women came up to me and was flirty and asking me if I was interested in what they were doing. She explained that they were called ‘Hearts Afire’ and they met once a month or so to do this performance art. Next thing I know, I’m flying. I’m floating away from the rink and notice next to it is this huge English style house with a thatch roof… and then as I get further and further away it goes on and on and I see it’s a thatched roof condo-complex. I keep flying away and look down at tons of lights- where I thought I was out in rural Maine, it looked like I was over a city. I started talking to myself- about how at one time I was afraid of flying but now I know how to direct myself, it’s not so scary. I managed to get myself back to the house.
8:10 I have gone to this large barn-like structure that is supposedly a restaurant. Its along a rural highway along a river. When R (a work friend) and I arrive, there is one four-top table that is piled high with junk and two or three sofas. Some locals hand out inside wearing winter coats. When someone eats, they do so standing up near the counter. Next door, across the parking lot is a very successful restaurant. I ask the owners don’t they want that? They do but they don’t have a clue as to how to be successful. We learn that at big event is coming through next weekend where a lot of buses will be through. They know the other place will get all the business. I encourage them to think! R can ge up to 106 card table from her family home. My friend J has folding chairs. I can get cheap fabric to cut for table cloths. We plan how many we need (probably 12 tables) and get organized (I am definitely in charge). The owners have family that can wait tables. I tell them they need a big sign and then add “buses welcome: etc. We have a great plan for a successful restaurant that can then be improved (real tables and chairs) as the business grows.
8:13 Dream: I was part of planning our class reunion and we had to find a place to have it. There was the abandoned big stone house and we broke in and it was beautiful inside - there were no broken windows so everything inside was just dusty. No furniture, but that was OK. The only thing we had to do was create front entrance stairs. There was a big back yard with old gardens and big trees and a brook ran along the back of the property. The night of the party we were controlling the front entrance by checking who wanted to come in - some people had to be turned away but the way we set up the back yard they could go back there - there was just no way of getting in the house back there. There was a lot of commotion at the front entrance. The way we had set up the stairway was that it was a big winding stair with several landings leading up to the door so people could congregate at the landings and still allow people to pass.
It was a wild party and everyone had great fun but we were missing people so a bunch of us went looking for them. We were driving down this large divided street something like Spring St. here in Portland by the Holiday Inn. We were stopping at all the train stations thinking they had gotten off the wrong stop. We finally met up with them. What had happened is that no one could decide how to get to the party so they decided to stay put. Then I was somewhere else by myself. It was like the cross between a community food pantry and a small natural food store. There were tiny loaves of bread called Sesame Street cinnamon loaf. They were very tiny and had tiny slices. Something a kid would use when playing and having a tea party. You could buy them separately or in a tiny bread basket with a cloth and handles. I couldn’t decide whether or not to buy because they seemed expensive and I was there to get food from the pantry for free.
Misc. Dreams:
3:T PM; Of sweaty arm pits.
3:T PM; Of sitting around trituration table laughing.
3:t PM; Of someone tall in dark brown clothing.
3:1 Can’t access dreams except something about a bicycle.
3:4 Woke after a deep, very deep sleep. Only fragment of a dream I can recall is one of having a hole in the enamel of a tooth—upper right side.
4:5 Dream: I really wanted to run. (I am not a runner but it has always interested me) I thought I could run a short distance. I ran about ¼ mile and turned to run back where I started. I couldn’t go for long distances because I was at the beach with other people and also needed to keep an eye on my kids. when I got back to where I started I turned to start the run again. About halfway into the run I turned to run up a set of stairs that was there. My brother-in-law called to me to say I shouldn’t be running in bare feet. I also noticed that I had been running on the balls of my feet the whole time and they were aching. He caught up with me to give me something to put on my feet. They looked like slippers not sneakers. I put them on but felt it wasn’t going to help the balls of my feet. I started running and needed to focus on running with my heel down first and roll through to the ball of my foot.
9:2 All the details are not clear, but it had to do with cement. Making a patio or a walkway and cement was used. I love it and thought it made sense but someone told me that cement would not last long, it cracked and broke easily. I felt disappointed because I thought it was the answer to a problem I was having in my dream. I remember seeing the cement bubble up from underneath.
5:3 I had a dream of cooking a large vat of meatballs in spaghetti sauce.
8:4 Dream: There are a lot of people-we all have the wrong remedy or the wrong people. We are discussing how to get the right remedy to all these people. I thought about this need of mine to “guess” what the substance is that we are proving-lots of play and word play.
8:5 Dream- I attended a workshop at N’s house. L was there too. There was a long hall where we were learning. A table of food was there too. N also had a daycare at the same time. The children were in a large living room/library area. Along the wall was a stair/climb challenge that allowed the children to climb up the wall to a long shelf along the top (about 2’ from ceiling). Once child couldn’t do it and gave up easily, she was upset and could not go beyond the first couple of steps. The next class we were trying to be quiet so that we didn’t wake someone’s (L or N’s) OLD husband. He would be annoyed. After awhile we didn’t care about the noise. I went into the daycare and that girl was the only one still there. I encouraged he to try the steps again. She was VERY reluctant. We tried to get her to take off shoes and socks to try. Then I got her a pair of toe socks and she tried. When she got stuck I helped her balance and continue. Soon she made it to the top and crawled into this area with pillow-cozy. She liked it. Then she crawled to the end of the shelf and climbed or even jumped down.
9:7 Dreams last night had to do with a castle and rain and babies and a department store and candy. There was some kind of a scandal or worry of some kind. Waiting for people and I think hiding or waiting. I remember there was a feeling of cold and anxiousness about/around something. The place was big and there was a courtyard, like the castle was built in a square and the courtyard was in the middle of the square . It was brick and again it was night and rainy and cold.
8:10 Brought groceries home—a nice meal for Lee and I. Mikhail had to cook his lunch and dinner first. As his pizza is in the oven and he is cooking chicken on the stove, the burner won’t light—out of gas! So after all that Lee and I end up out at Margarita’s and brought home pizza for Mikhail. Some one up there is laughing!
8:10 I have gone to this large barn-like structure that is supposedly a restaurant. Its along a rural highway along a river. When Raylene (a work friend) and I arrive, there is one four-top table that is piled high with junk and tow or three sofas. Some locals hand out inside wearing winter coats. When someone eats, they do so standing up near the counter. Next door, across the parking lot is a very successful restaurant. I ask the owners don’t they want that? They do but they don’t have a clue as to how to be successful. We learn that at big event is coming through next weekend where a lot of buses will be through. They know the other place will get all the business. I encourage them to think! Raylene can get up to 106 card table from her family home. My friend Jeff has folding chairs. I can get cheap fabric to cut for table cloths. We plan how many we need (probably 12 tables) and get organized (I am definitely in charge). The owners have family that can wait tables. I tell them they need a big sign and then add “buses welcome: etc. We have a great plan for a successful restaurant that can then be improved (real tables and chairs) as the business grows.
9:11 Dream about my parents (both still alive) and that they had moved (which is true) but that they wished they had moved to this other home they looked at. As I walked this other home I saw many things I did not when we looked at it before and did not understand why we did not support them in buying it as it might have been a much better choice for my mother (who has a traumatic brain injury from last year, which is true) and she might not be in the same state of mind if we picked that home instead, maybe she would be happier. The dream was all about the home, what it had in it that she would love. There was a section that had big pine trees outside that we talked about cutting down and building a patio so she could get outside easily by herself.
9:14 There was sledding down this hill, really fast and icy. I wanted to go down but needed to make sure that no one was in the way. There were tons of people and kids. It was a thing in my sons school (the cast of characters were from his school). There were all sorts of sleds to choose from, red, blue, orange, yellow, green sleds and different kinds. This woman and I commented on it looked like we could choose any of them. I went down in a blue sled but felt scared about going down so fast. Started half way down but saw others (husband included) going down form top. I eventually went form top but used my body only, not as sled but feeling the bumps hurt and I had the thought that I might damage my back.
9:14 Another random dream, not sure when I had it, but past two nights…. Only remember that our neighbor needed to call the fire department because his burn pile got out of control.
Physical:
Vertigo; < moving head:
4:T Vertigo when looking over Left shoulder.
4:T Vertigo with nausea.
4:T Vertigo moving head.
4:T Vertigo feeling <movement.
8:T Light headed.
9:T PM; Singing a song my Father always sang, Quaker down in Quaker town. When the song was done I started coughing hugely I coughed so hard my head hurt. I got really dizzy and floating and I had to get off the highway as soon as I could. Then I got very sad listening to “This Old World” by Emmylou Harris.
3:1 Suddenly dizzy, swaying of body.
3:4 Head is somewhat dizzy. Dreams; I started to wander in the hall, not far, because I was dizzy. I started to feel very dizzy and leaned my head against the wall on the right. Next thing I am leaning against a window on the left, the window was more of a window wall. I was feeling more dizzy, vertigo, spinning and needed my other friend to bring me a wheelchair. I sat in the chair with my head tipped to the right and then left.
4:1 I was in a house with a very long hallway, bedrooms all along the right side of the hallway. I walked down to the last room on the right to see a friend and her son. I told the friend that we needed to go down to the high school to bring or get some information. we arrived at the school and another friend was with us. The inside of the building was very stark, silver in color many sharp angles and corners. a friend was writing some information down at a desk outside of a classroom. I started to wander in the hall, not far, because I was dizzy. I started to feel very dizzy and leaned my head against the wall on the right. Next thing I am leaning against a window on the left, the window was more of a window wall; I was feeling more dizzy, vertigo, spinning and needed my other friend to bring me a wheelchair. I sat in the chair with my head tipped to the right and then left. Someone came to me with a silver microphone to interview me. I couldn’t speak, but swatted the mike away because I didn’t want to talk.
3:7 On my walk at 5:30 am, I was doing some movements that I learned in karate that require the energy of running, but use the muscles differently from running—it did not experience the pain in my right lung that I told you about during the intake—however, I did get dizzy when I sat down afterwards. Not when I stood up, but when I sat down.
Head:
3:T Rhythm pulsing in head in response to sound.
3:T Heaviness in occiput.
4:T Boring pain left eyeball and through to back of head.
4:T Pressure in occiput; R occiput.
4:T Pressure on crown.
4:T Pain Left side neck muscle.
4:T Head pain through Right temple and into left.
9:T Head pain across forehead.
9:T Pain left side of head.
9:T Top front of head full feeling and ache.
9:T PM; I started coughing hugely I coughed so hard my head hurt. I got really dizzy and floating and I had to get off the highway as soon as I could.
3:1 Sharp stabbing pains in head with movement. They shoot to Right inside of forehead and Right base of skull.
4:1 Headache like band around head.
3:2 Head feels heavy, mid-horizontal plane.
3:3 Came home from work feeling really sick. Like a headache, head felt it weighed 5000 lbs. As the day went on everything felt heavier and heavier and heavier.
8:4 I have noticed this tender spot on the back of my head the past 2 days and I did not bump my head. I only notice it if I touch the area with my hand. Don’t notice it when combing my hair. It is hard to pinpoint.
3:5 Am noticing that my head still feels heavy - almost like there is extra water in there pressing on my brain - and ears still feel full, both.
3:5 Head still feels full and somewhat fuzzy. most of that feeling sits in parietal lobe.
9:5 Afternoon-jaw, cheek bone on right side feels bruised, wonder if I slept on it funny or why it is hurting.
8:13 Woke up with a headache this morning and it hasn’t left yet so I think I am goingto take a Motrin for it.
8:14 Morning sickness sick and I had a headache.
Eyes:
4:T Glassy, watery. Staring for 30 minutes. Top Left side, Left eye hurts. Both eyes throb. Across eyebrows, eyeballs ache < touching.
4:T Boring pain left eyeball and through to back of head.
9:T Eyes feel really heavy. Rt.. Eye –behind-quick ache-chill still really tingly behind eyes.
3:1 Both eyes burn. Right eye fogged over, itchy at inner edge. Left eye feels large and burns. Right eye, upper lid itches. Left eye aches.
3:4 Muscle at upper inner edge of left eye burns. It is the muscle that pulls the eye inward. Eyes, both have been tearing yet vision remains clear.
8:1 Visual acuity at a distance challenging.
9:2 Driving home from work really tired almost dizzy. Headache above right eye, right eyeball aches. Eyes burning.
Vision:
3:T Clarity of vision in doing.
3:T Foggy right eye.
4:T People at table are in sharp focus, people on outer edge are fuzzy.
4:T Need to keep focal point near or nausea worse.
4:T Vision field getting clearer.
4:T Focus on succession helped with pain of action.
4:T Visual is so clear.
6:T Visual clarity; clear and sharp.
8:T I have not had to wear glasses to write during the trituration.
9:T Clearness, could see better.
Ear:
4:T Ear pain, Right sided, pinpointed but deep; boring pain.
6:T My ears and face feel hot.
8:T Right ear sharp piercing pain, worse for sound.
9:T Ears are warm.
3:1 Both ears hurt. Right ear is much worse than Left, feels like it is too full, sharp pain, outer ear right is very hot to touch.
3:2 Right ear still feels over full, but no longer painful.
6:2 Also woke to some shooting pains/sensations in my left ear, however I also had a previous condition in my left jaw that had come about by a bad cold/flu with an ear infection in that ear.
6:2 As we are moving about the kitchen getting breakfast and whatnot, I feel like my husband is mumbling (more than usual) and I can’t hear clearly what he is saying.
5:3 Last night my right internal ear was very itchy.
3:4 Plugged right ear is back. It’s about balance.
3:5 Ears still feel somewhat puffy.
7:7 Right ear pain.
6:11 Ear pains have returned… sometimes thread-like through the center of my left ear. Always ‘flickering’ in a sense.
6:12 Some ear sensations still going on.
Nose:
4:T Nose runny.
6:T Left nostril clear and then write.
Odors suddenly pungent. I wasn’t noticing odors before.
I can smell the ink of the pen.
3:1 Left nostril stuffed. Nose itches.
8:1 Stuffy nose, mucous in mouth, lots of sneezing to clear.
3:2 Sinus pain is less. Sinuses feel swollen and dry and now are expelling clear fluid.
8:2 LOTS of sneezing.
8:3 Sneezing fit, stuffy nose.
9:3 Sneezing and congested.
8:4 Stuffy nose and cough at 4:30am.
9:4 Dry throat, itchy nose, coughing and sneezing.
8:5 Sneezing, stuffy nose, palms sore and tingling. Sneezing, itchy arms-mostly right stuffy nose this afternoon. 5PM Went out to a bar with friends after work. I had a been and some snacks. Shortly after one friends husband arrived, I was all stuffed up and really could not breathe-it was hot too. I tried to blow my nose and was scared, claustrophobic when I couldn’t clear it. I decided to go outside and get some air. After about 10 minutes I went back upstairs and had my friend open the window near out booth. I stayed clear for a while but realized soon enough it was the husbands cologne that set me off. After they left I was much better.
9:5 Energy low, congested runny nose more on the right.
8:6 Bothered significantly by the air in the bedroom. Around 5AM I think about filling the humidifier and running it. Dry stuffed nasal passages; smell and feel of dust in the bedroom; horrible night. sneezy, stuffy nose.
9:6 My head is full I can feel it in my sinuses.
8:8 Itchy and sneezy
8:9 Sneezy and stuffy nose around noon
9:10 Sneezing
8:12 Big sneeze, followed by very itchy left thumb-so itchy I scratched it with my teeth. Lots of sneezing..
4:T Glassy, watery. Staring for 30 minutes. Top Left side, Left eye hurts. Both eyes throb. Across eyebrows, eyeballs ache < touching.
4:T Boring pain left eyeball and through to back of head.
9:T Eyes feel really heavy. Rt.. Eye –behind-quick ache-chill still really tingly behind eyes.
3:1 Both eyes burn. Right eye fogged over, itchy at inner edge. Left eye feels large and burns. Right eye, upper lid itches. Left eye aches.
3:4 Muscle at upper inner edge of left eye burns. It is the muscle that pulls the eye inward. Eyes, both have been tearing yet vision remains clear.
8:1 Visual acuity at a distance challenging.
9:2 Driving home from work really tired almost dizzy. Headache above right eye, right eyeball aches. Eyes burning.
Vision:
3:T Clarity of vision in doing.
3:T Foggy right eye.
4:T People at table are in sharp focus, people on outer edge are fuzzy.
4:T Need to keep focal point near or nausea worse.
4:T Vision field getting clearer.
4:T Focus on succession helped with pain of action.
4:T Visual is so clear.
6:T Visual clarity; clear and sharp.
8:T I have not had to wear glasses to write during the trituration.
9:T Clearness, could see better.
Ear:
4:T Ear pain, Right sided, pinpointed but deep; boring pain.
6:T My ears and face feel hot.
8:T Right ear sharp piercing pain, worse for sound.
9:T Ears are warm.
3:1 Both ears hurt. Right ear is much worse than Left, feels like it is too full, sharp pain, outer ear right is very hot to touch.
3:2 Right ear still feels over full, but no longer painful.
6:2 Also woke to some shooting pains/sensations in my left ear, however I also had a previous condition in my left jaw that had come about by a bad cold/flu with an ear infection in that ear.
6:2 As we are moving about the kitchen getting breakfast and whatnot, I feel like my husband is mumbling (more than usual) and I can’t hear clearly what he is saying.
5:3 Last night my right internal ear was very itchy.
3:4 Plugged right ear is back. It’s about balance.
3:5 Ears still feel somewhat puffy.
7:7 Right ear pain.
6:11 Ear pains have returned… sometimes thread-like through the center of my left ear. Always ‘flickering’ in a sense.
6:12 Some ear sensations still going on.
Nose:
4:T Nose runny.
6:T Left nostril clear and then write.
Odors suddenly pungent. I wasn’t noticing odors before.
I can smell the ink of the pen.
3:1 Left nostril stuffed. Nose itches.
8:1 Stuffy nose, mucous in mouth, lots of sneezing to clear.
3:2 Sinus pain is less. Sinuses feel swollen and dry and now are expelling clear fluid.
8:2 LOTS of sneezing.
8:3 Sneezing fit, stuffy nose.
9:3 Sneezing and congested.
8:4 Stuffy nose and cough at 4:30am.
9:4 Dry throat, itchy nose, coughing and sneezing.
8:5 Sneezing, stuffy nose, palms sore and tingling. Sneezing, itchy arms-mostly right stuffy nose this afternoon. 5PM Went out to a bar with friends after work. I had a been and some snacks. Shortly after one friends husband arrived, I was all stuffed up and really could not breathe-it was hot too. I tried to blow my nose and was scared, claustrophobic when I couldn’t clear it. I decided to go outside and get some air. After about 10 minutes I went back upstairs and had my friend open the window near out booth. I stayed clear for a while but realized soon enough it was the husbands cologne that set me off. After they left I was much better.
9:5 Energy low, congested runny nose more on the right.
8:6 Bothered significantly by the air in the bedroom. Around 5AM I think about filling the humidifier and running it. Dry stuffed nasal passages; smell and feel of dust in the bedroom; horrible night. sneezy, stuffy nose.
9:6 My head is full I can feel it in my sinuses.
8:8 Itchy and sneezy
8:9 Sneezy and stuffy nose around noon
9:10 Sneezing
8:12 Big sneeze, followed by very itchy left thumb-so itchy I scratched it with my teeth. Lots of sneezing..
Mouth/Teeth:
3:T PM Thirsty on way home.
Canker sores; right cheek, lower gums.
Cold sore; right corner.
Gums; tingling, numbness, sensitive.
4:T Drooling; salivating. Metallic taste in mouth. Difficult to swallow. Dry mouth.
5:T Top lip feels swollen. Dry mouth.
8, T; Mouth fells cottony. Cotton mouth, some what dry but no need to drink. Mouth feels noticeable.
9:T Gums humming. Really tingly-gums
3:1 Roof of mouth toward back of arch in palate is feeling the way it does when I start to get sick, sort of an ache with a small throb or burning, tongue is tingly, toward tip, face is very hot, feel sweaty. There are lines on left side of my forehead from face to scalp- red like I have been scratched- if I was scratching or rubbing there, I was not noticing it.
6:1 Can feel a canker sore has developed on my tongue. On the edge, left side.
8:1 Teeth cold or sore?
3:2 Arch of mouth still sore but less so.
3:2 Driving, am very thirsty.
3:3 Enjoyed dinner. Flavors very sharp, distinct. Just realized that I have been drinking a lot of water when at home.
9:3 4pm notice my gums have been humming and tender today (could be all the sugary food! : )
9:4 I brushed my teeth and hit my lower right gum.. It did get sore and red which I just assumed would go away but instead I now have a rather large and really sore canker sore there. Sore gums. Upper right half way back above one tooth. Very sore to touch.
9:5 In corners of mouth on the bottom very chapped.
8:6 When I got up that morning my upper right teeth hurt.
9:9 My canker sore is really bothering me. It is worse in the afternoon, around 3 it really starts to throb, pulse, hum, all of these things. My whole mouth hurts but particularly on my right side where the canker sore is.
6:11 Canker sore on my right cheek.
6:12 New canker sore, upper left cheek.
6:13 Feeling like something brewing on my lower left lip, in the corner. I want to
mess with it. I don’t get cold sores, but maybe this is what it feels like when they’re happening?
9:13 Cold sore right corner of mouth.
9:14 Canker sore is improving, but really slowly. It is better upon waking, worse around 3 and much worse when reading out loud to my kids in bed at night.
Throat:
4:T Pain, wanting to clear it.
4:T Feels empty, thirsty.
6:T I went to swallow and it feels like a small lump in my throat.
7:T “Sore’ throat. Dry throat without thirst. spit making bubbles.
8:T Mouth tastes yucky again.
Sore throat.
Bad taste in mouth.
Mucous in mouth.
Right tonsil feel large.
Throat still dry –scratchy, keep feel like clearing it.
Throat still dry, throat really needed to clear.
Constantly clearing my throat, unusual, throat scratchy still- a little sore.
Throat still scratchy-burning.
Throat sore-whole head base of neck tender.
Throat still sore want some echinacea and goldenseal.
9:T My throat was still really scratchy but the sensation had shifted. It Felt really open, like a tunnel. It was also very sore.
9:T Dry throat, deep clearing throat
9:4 Dry throat, itchy nose, coughing and sneezing. Sore muscles.
8:5 Itchy throat, very mucousy
9:7 Increased thirst, thirst, no energy
8:10 I was very phlegmy with coppery taste. Lots of throat clearing.
Stomach: Nausea; constant, <noise and food, >movement:
3:T PM; Trouble sleeping with sudden post-nasal drip, feels like it is flowing from L sinus into throat, soon followed by nausea.
4:T Nearly vomited when laughing.
4:T Burping doesn’t ameliorate.
4:T Burning.
4:T Swallowing to keep from throwing up.
4:T Need to keep focal point near or nausea.
4:T Drumming at table agg nausea.
4:T <noise, food.
4:T PM; Nausea >driving.
4:T Burping.
4:T Burping doesn’t amel nausea. Indigestion, burning.
4:T Burning in stomach moving up towards throat. Stomach pains, cramping – intense, sharp.
4:T Cramping across mid-abdomen.
4:T When I got home I ate some, didn’t feel satisfied only as if my abdomen were hard. I got into bed b/c I still didn’t feel great, trying to read.
5:T Feeling nausea.
8:T Burped. Indigestion from stomach to just above breastbone-burning Indigestion again moving higher to the throat.
9:T Lots of burping which is unusual for me, especially while laying down.
3:1 Stomach is churning, yet I still desire to eat.
3:1 Feeling very sick. Eyes, head, stomach. Don’t want to move at all. Movement makes the nausea worse (it is both in the stomach and in the accommodation of the eyes). Ate about ½ portion of dinner and it remained in the stomach- and, oddly, the churning stopped.
5:1 I had a scare last night and thought I was having a heart attack, but it turned out to be a huge gas bubble.
8:1 Burping from upper chest area.
3:2 No sleep, must get ready for work. Make tea to bring with, dark, rich tea.
8:2 Indigestion, more intense burping and indigestion.
9:2 My three year old vomits three times in the car. The last proving she got really sick..
4:3 Some (nausea) this afternoon, probably noticed around 4pm for about an hour. It wasn’t about the proving, the intensity about the nausea, not the proving.
8:3 Burping; 4:30 PM still burping.
4:4 One thing that happened around 4:30 today was i got burning sensation in my diaphragm and it radiates up, I don’t know if it would be considered heartburn because the pain is not as high as I would expect. it came on with vigorous exercise. it hasn’t resolved yet. food and drink made it worse.
4:4 Had some nausea around 4, lasted about an hour.
9:4 Came home to find my 6 yr. old son very sick. Violent vomit, no fever. Partner had said that he threw up everywhere (but the bathroom). Huge mess to clean.
9:4 Actually feel incredible fat, weighted, full , bloated, not getting hungry (again, I understand that only eating sugar is not a wise idea).
9:5 I am burping more than usual.I am feeling nauseous and tired most of the afternoon. Son still sick, all through the night he would vomit, so much so that as he woke up he could not ever roll head around to get it in the bowl he had. A messy night/early morning.
5:7 One thing that is typical for me that has increased is my gag reflex. Typically when I am extremely stressed I will gag for no apparent reason. I also tend to gag when I brush my teeth. For the past two days, I am not only gagging, but I threw up last night after an episode of gagging while brushing my teeth.
8:6 On the drive down I got very nauseous and I had purposely eaten because if I run out the door with just having had my supplements I can get nauseous.
9:6 Stomach girdish. Feel it into my throat and into my right jaw bone.
9:6 For me, yes , this is atypical when I get diarrhea. It was quite forceful. I was extremely nauseous and crampy. I omitted once, tons and violent in its delivery. I was really restless all night up most of it running to the bathroom but yes, I am better now today so all in all it started around 3ish yesterday and feel better this morning. I am weak and food is not appealing but the nausea is over and just a little cramping. Not fun!!!
9:7 Nausea is better, it is constant, lot of cramping (unusual), vomiting was quick and intense.
8:10 Felt skinny yesterday, but today feel bloated.
6:12 L threw up yesterday and by 2pm my stomach was feeling not quite right. Spent from 3pm until bedtime (at 7pm) on the couch. Stomach flipping over and over. Wanting to throw up, but never quite getting there.
8:14 Morning sickness sick and I had a headache . Suddenly I had this incredible pain in my gut (belly button area) that doubled me over. I could not stand up straight. I got to a chair and could sit but if I got up I could not stand. After about 30 minutes I could stand but my belly was really sore. I drove home and didn’t feel very good and went to bed early.
8:14 Feeling tired in achy in general, stomach still distended, full.
9:14 There is till a heaviness in my stomach, I get full quickly and feel rather large, like my belly is huge, but weightiness is not in my whole being/body like it was early in the proving. It is more just in my stomach.
3:T PM Thirsty on way home.
Canker sores; right cheek, lower gums.
Cold sore; right corner.
Gums; tingling, numbness, sensitive.
4:T Drooling; salivating. Metallic taste in mouth. Difficult to swallow. Dry mouth.
5:T Top lip feels swollen. Dry mouth.
8, T; Mouth fells cottony. Cotton mouth, some what dry but no need to drink. Mouth feels noticeable.
9:T Gums humming. Really tingly-gums
3:1 Roof of mouth toward back of arch in palate is feeling the way it does when I start to get sick, sort of an ache with a small throb or burning, tongue is tingly, toward tip, face is very hot, feel sweaty. There are lines on left side of my forehead from face to scalp- red like I have been scratched- if I was scratching or rubbing there, I was not noticing it.
6:1 Can feel a canker sore has developed on my tongue. On the edge, left side.
8:1 Teeth cold or sore?
3:2 Arch of mouth still sore but less so.
3:2 Driving, am very thirsty.
3:3 Enjoyed dinner. Flavors very sharp, distinct. Just realized that I have been drinking a lot of water when at home.
9:3 4pm notice my gums have been humming and tender today (could be all the sugary food! : )
9:4 I brushed my teeth and hit my lower right gum.. It did get sore and red which I just assumed would go away but instead I now have a rather large and really sore canker sore there. Sore gums. Upper right half way back above one tooth. Very sore to touch.
9:5 In corners of mouth on the bottom very chapped.
8:6 When I got up that morning my upper right teeth hurt.
9:9 My canker sore is really bothering me. It is worse in the afternoon, around 3 it really starts to throb, pulse, hum, all of these things. My whole mouth hurts but particularly on my right side where the canker sore is.
6:11 Canker sore on my right cheek.
6:12 New canker sore, upper left cheek.
6:13 Feeling like something brewing on my lower left lip, in the corner. I want to
mess with it. I don’t get cold sores, but maybe this is what it feels like when they’re happening?
9:13 Cold sore right corner of mouth.
9:14 Canker sore is improving, but really slowly. It is better upon waking, worse around 3 and much worse when reading out loud to my kids in bed at night.
Throat:
4:T Pain, wanting to clear it.
4:T Feels empty, thirsty.
6:T I went to swallow and it feels like a small lump in my throat.
7:T “Sore’ throat. Dry throat without thirst. spit making bubbles.
8:T Mouth tastes yucky again.
Sore throat.
Bad taste in mouth.
Mucous in mouth.
Right tonsil feel large.
Throat still dry –scratchy, keep feel like clearing it.
Throat still dry, throat really needed to clear.
Constantly clearing my throat, unusual, throat scratchy still- a little sore.
Throat still scratchy-burning.
Throat sore-whole head base of neck tender.
Throat still sore want some echinacea and goldenseal.
9:T My throat was still really scratchy but the sensation had shifted. It Felt really open, like a tunnel. It was also very sore.
9:T Dry throat, deep clearing throat
9:4 Dry throat, itchy nose, coughing and sneezing. Sore muscles.
8:5 Itchy throat, very mucousy
9:7 Increased thirst, thirst, no energy
8:10 I was very phlegmy with coppery taste. Lots of throat clearing.
Stomach: Nausea; constant, <noise and food, >movement:
3:T PM; Trouble sleeping with sudden post-nasal drip, feels like it is flowing from L sinus into throat, soon followed by nausea.
4:T Nearly vomited when laughing.
4:T Burping doesn’t ameliorate.
4:T Burning.
4:T Swallowing to keep from throwing up.
4:T Need to keep focal point near or nausea.
4:T Drumming at table agg nausea.
4:T <noise, food.
4:T PM; Nausea >driving.
4:T Burping.
4:T Burping doesn’t amel nausea. Indigestion, burning.
4:T Burning in stomach moving up towards throat. Stomach pains, cramping – intense, sharp.
4:T Cramping across mid-abdomen.
4:T When I got home I ate some, didn’t feel satisfied only as if my abdomen were hard. I got into bed b/c I still didn’t feel great, trying to read.
5:T Feeling nausea.
8:T Burped. Indigestion from stomach to just above breastbone-burning Indigestion again moving higher to the throat.
9:T Lots of burping which is unusual for me, especially while laying down.
3:1 Stomach is churning, yet I still desire to eat.
3:1 Feeling very sick. Eyes, head, stomach. Don’t want to move at all. Movement makes the nausea worse (it is both in the stomach and in the accommodation of the eyes). Ate about ½ portion of dinner and it remained in the stomach- and, oddly, the churning stopped.
5:1 I had a scare last night and thought I was having a heart attack, but it turned out to be a huge gas bubble.
8:1 Burping from upper chest area.
3:2 No sleep, must get ready for work. Make tea to bring with, dark, rich tea.
8:2 Indigestion, more intense burping and indigestion.
9:2 My three year old vomits three times in the car. The last proving she got really sick..
4:3 Some (nausea) this afternoon, probably noticed around 4pm for about an hour. It wasn’t about the proving, the intensity about the nausea, not the proving.
8:3 Burping; 4:30 PM still burping.
4:4 One thing that happened around 4:30 today was i got burning sensation in my diaphragm and it radiates up, I don’t know if it would be considered heartburn because the pain is not as high as I would expect. it came on with vigorous exercise. it hasn’t resolved yet. food and drink made it worse.
4:4 Had some nausea around 4, lasted about an hour.
9:4 Came home to find my 6 yr. old son very sick. Violent vomit, no fever. Partner had said that he threw up everywhere (but the bathroom). Huge mess to clean.
9:4 Actually feel incredible fat, weighted, full , bloated, not getting hungry (again, I understand that only eating sugar is not a wise idea).
9:5 I am burping more than usual.I am feeling nauseous and tired most of the afternoon. Son still sick, all through the night he would vomit, so much so that as he woke up he could not ever roll head around to get it in the bowl he had. A messy night/early morning.
5:7 One thing that is typical for me that has increased is my gag reflex. Typically when I am extremely stressed I will gag for no apparent reason. I also tend to gag when I brush my teeth. For the past two days, I am not only gagging, but I threw up last night after an episode of gagging while brushing my teeth.
8:6 On the drive down I got very nauseous and I had purposely eaten because if I run out the door with just having had my supplements I can get nauseous.
9:6 Stomach girdish. Feel it into my throat and into my right jaw bone.
9:6 For me, yes , this is atypical when I get diarrhea. It was quite forceful. I was extremely nauseous and crampy. I omitted once, tons and violent in its delivery. I was really restless all night up most of it running to the bathroom but yes, I am better now today so all in all it started around 3ish yesterday and feel better this morning. I am weak and food is not appealing but the nausea is over and just a little cramping. Not fun!!!
9:7 Nausea is better, it is constant, lot of cramping (unusual), vomiting was quick and intense.
8:10 Felt skinny yesterday, but today feel bloated.
6:12 L threw up yesterday and by 2pm my stomach was feeling not quite right. Spent from 3pm until bedtime (at 7pm) on the couch. Stomach flipping over and over. Wanting to throw up, but never quite getting there.
8:14 Morning sickness sick and I had a headache . Suddenly I had this incredible pain in my gut (belly button area) that doubled me over. I could not stand up straight. I got to a chair and could sit but if I got up I could not stand. After about 30 minutes I could stand but my belly was really sore. I drove home and didn’t feel very good and went to bed early.
8:14 Feeling tired in achy in general, stomach still distended, full.
9:14 There is till a heaviness in my stomach, I get full quickly and feel rather large, like my belly is huge, but weightiness is not in my whole being/body like it was early in the proving. It is more just in my stomach.
Abdomen:
8:7 I was very sore left shoulder and upper abdomen all around, tight diaphragm-felt better to belch. 8:10 I ate too much and the nagging twinge in my upper abdomen got really tight and sore.
8:11 Feeling solar plexus is heavily involved. It is tight and restricted, everything seems to revolve around it.
8:12 Stitch in abdomen tight, painful, annoying.
8:13 8PM Abdomen stitch sore.
8:14 All day my abdomen felt tight and distended. The stitch at the top feels like a sore tendon-strained? I used ice instead of heat to see if it would feel better. No change.
Rectum:
9:5 Have diarrhea. Very watery. Tried to eat some toast…moments after eating I need to RUN to the bathroom. Feel nauseous. Cramps come and go., not sure what better for…..
9:6 For me, yes , this is atypical when I get diarrhea. It was quite forceful. I was extremely nauseous and crampy. I omitted once, tons and violent in it delivery. I was really restless all night up most of it running to the bathroom but yes, I am better now today so all in all it started around 3ish yesterday and feel better this morning. I am weak and food is not appealing but the nausea is over and just a little cramping. Not fun!!!
8:13 Another symptom I have had and has gotten worse as time has moved on is constipation. I am going everyday but as we have been progressing through the days of this remedy my stools have gotten harder & harder. It is like trying to pass cement! I have the urge everyday and I go everyday but it is difficult and there is some straining. The stools have changed from long and hard to what my mother would call “marbles” but these marbles are very difficult to pass.
9:14 Our dog had diarrhea, in our daughters room, first bowel accident ever.
Stool:
9:5 Soft stools since day one.
9:7 Stool olive green.
Chest:
8:1 Breast tenderness
5:2 Needless to say two hours after I gorged myself I had intense chest pain. The pain ran from my heart to My left ear. The ear ache was a sharp tearing pain and an ache at the same time. I felt panicked and almost called you. Once I burped twice I was fine.
9:2 Morning sometime-noticed left breast has been tender on and off the past few days.
9:3 9pm sharp pain in chest on left side (not totally unusual)
9:3 Morning-both breasts feel full and tender. Did I mention that this is unusual for me-the only times I have had sore breasts is when I am pregnant (which I am not).
9:4 Morning , both breasts tender, annoying feeling-bothersome.
Back:
8:T Tightness around left side of neck with numbness coming up head to ears. Right neck in back, same slight pain.
9:T Base of neck sore tender neck base of head sore, want a quick massage, want deep pressure rub on neck head, scalp
.9:1 Pain radiating down form lower left back to heal. Lasting. Turned into aching/dull pain, pulsing a bit. 3:45 pm really hurting, lots of pulsing or humming all the way down while standing or sitting 9worse for…) better for laying down with legs in the air. 6pm back still humming.
9:2 Woke up with a very sore back burning all over lower back. Stretched out on hard floor feels better.
9:3 7:30 pm reading to daughter in bed, lots of cramping on left side of body (side, hip to ribs) shoulders, upper back sore but most likely just from hauling loads of gravel and dirt to our culvert in road that needed fixing yesterday. Back aches.
8:4 Neck and headache
3:5 Spine feels stiff and sore.
9:6 Back pain, an old symptom.
7:7 Right mid back pain.
Ache left side neck.
Ache to back of neck.
Soreness base of neck posterior ally.
3:8 At the very base of spine it was hurting and now pain has gone all the way from head to base of spine and now it is gone. It lasted 10-15 min and then was gone. Woke me at 1am. The pain was sharper and more compressed than the others had been. Left as suddenly as it came and now I feel the energy is not in me any more.
8:7 I was very sore left shoulder and upper abdomen all around, tight diaphragm-felt better to belch. 8:10 I ate too much and the nagging twinge in my upper abdomen got really tight and sore.
8:11 Feeling solar plexus is heavily involved. It is tight and restricted, everything seems to revolve around it.
8:12 Stitch in abdomen tight, painful, annoying.
8:13 8PM Abdomen stitch sore.
8:14 All day my abdomen felt tight and distended. The stitch at the top feels like a sore tendon-strained? I used ice instead of heat to see if it would feel better. No change.
Rectum:
9:5 Have diarrhea. Very watery. Tried to eat some toast…moments after eating I need to RUN to the bathroom. Feel nauseous. Cramps come and go., not sure what better for…..
9:6 For me, yes , this is atypical when I get diarrhea. It was quite forceful. I was extremely nauseous and crampy. I omitted once, tons and violent in it delivery. I was really restless all night up most of it running to the bathroom but yes, I am better now today so all in all it started around 3ish yesterday and feel better this morning. I am weak and food is not appealing but the nausea is over and just a little cramping. Not fun!!!
8:13 Another symptom I have had and has gotten worse as time has moved on is constipation. I am going everyday but as we have been progressing through the days of this remedy my stools have gotten harder & harder. It is like trying to pass cement! I have the urge everyday and I go everyday but it is difficult and there is some straining. The stools have changed from long and hard to what my mother would call “marbles” but these marbles are very difficult to pass.
9:14 Our dog had diarrhea, in our daughters room, first bowel accident ever.
Stool:
9:5 Soft stools since day one.
9:7 Stool olive green.
Chest:
8:1 Breast tenderness
5:2 Needless to say two hours after I gorged myself I had intense chest pain. The pain ran from my heart to My left ear. The ear ache was a sharp tearing pain and an ache at the same time. I felt panicked and almost called you. Once I burped twice I was fine.
9:2 Morning sometime-noticed left breast has been tender on and off the past few days.
9:3 9pm sharp pain in chest on left side (not totally unusual)
9:3 Morning-both breasts feel full and tender. Did I mention that this is unusual for me-the only times I have had sore breasts is when I am pregnant (which I am not).
9:4 Morning , both breasts tender, annoying feeling-bothersome.
Back:
8:T Tightness around left side of neck with numbness coming up head to ears. Right neck in back, same slight pain.
9:T Base of neck sore tender neck base of head sore, want a quick massage, want deep pressure rub on neck head, scalp
.9:1 Pain radiating down form lower left back to heal. Lasting. Turned into aching/dull pain, pulsing a bit. 3:45 pm really hurting, lots of pulsing or humming all the way down while standing or sitting 9worse for…) better for laying down with legs in the air. 6pm back still humming.
9:2 Woke up with a very sore back burning all over lower back. Stretched out on hard floor feels better.
9:3 7:30 pm reading to daughter in bed, lots of cramping on left side of body (side, hip to ribs) shoulders, upper back sore but most likely just from hauling loads of gravel and dirt to our culvert in road that needed fixing yesterday. Back aches.
8:4 Neck and headache
3:5 Spine feels stiff and sore.
9:6 Back pain, an old symptom.
7:7 Right mid back pain.
Ache left side neck.
Ache to back of neck.
Soreness base of neck posterior ally.
3:8 At the very base of spine it was hurting and now pain has gone all the way from head to base of spine and now it is gone. It lasted 10-15 min and then was gone. Woke me at 1am. The pain was sharper and more compressed than the others had been. Left as suddenly as it came and now I feel the energy is not in me any more.
Extremities:
3:T Arch of L foot pain, squeezing, burning pain. Fingers swollen.
3:T Ache above Left knee.
3:T Pain running down left, back hip- focused like a string, sharp or biting.
4:T Sharp pulsing pain R hip muscle.
4:T Shoulders muscles ache.
4:T Boring pain bottom of R foot just below ball of second toe.
4:T In bed the hip pain in R hip flexor lasted hours, It was not apparent after I woke.
5:T Tingly, shivery, chilly.
5:T Sweaty palms.
5:T My feet are cold.
6:T Low current under arms to fingers.
8:T Current in arms and chest and hands.
8:T I want to hold my hands, my palms together it is completing the circuit of the current.
3:1 Pain in L leg that came on during trituration was gone by 9pm.
9:1 Left arm and right leg numb and tingling and burning right to finger and toes. Then it switched to the right arm and left leg.
5:3 And palms have been clammy and cool all day.
8:3 1:30 PM sting in right calf. Left upper arm, triceps, sore and left elbow sore.
3:4 Stayed under the warmth of the covers for some time. When I finally got up my fingers on both hands were swollen like cooking sausages! Huge and very white in appearance. I wondered if they got any larger would the skin split.
3:4 Swelling in fingers has gone away and they now feel stiff. Stiffness seems to reside in the middle joint.
5:4 Last night my lateral arm muscles, top of shoulders and nape of neck muscles were very sore. It felt like I had lifted weights the day before and my muscles were re-cooperating from the fatigue.
3:5 Both hands, stabbing pain in joint of thumb, where they attach to wrists.
3:5 Left thumb joint still pains, and the pain is spreading to include first two fingers. Left hand joint has been painful to use (out raking leaves) and useless for any lifting, even small weights like piles of leaves (I have used my father’s trick of using my arm to lift instead of my hand). Left knee weak-feeling, like it’s wobbly at the core.
8:5 7:30AM left foot cramp. Thoughts: I thought about the strong pressure/pain and the tingling in my palms, as well as some cramping/plantar fascia of my left foot. The thoughts were about stigmata. The itching and pain seems to drill into the palms in the center.
9:5 Right arm and left leg felt pulled, lame. Left shoulder not a lot of range of motion. Right knuckle really sore.
9:5 Late morning-notice that my left big toenail has been really sore
3:7 Walking on break, left large toe, sudden stabbing, radiating pain, like a pain explosion. Radiated upward into foot. Gone as suddenly as it came.
7:7 Sore upper arms right thigh pain /ache loose left knee joint- somewhat sore.
8:7 8AM I woke to a big ole Charlie Horse in my right calf (normally when I have them it’s the left). Aches all day- I felt crooked.
8:7 I tripped on the sidewalk-my right ankle rolled. I grabbed a sign post to hold on. My ankle didn’t snap but there was some residual muscle strain and achiness.
9:7 Tendon and muscle pain in arms, legs, elbows and knees. Preventing sleep.
8:10 Woke several times due to Charlie horse in left calf.Left shoulder very sore this afternoon-need to move it, left hand as well-may be residual from the stumble Saturday night.
9:11 Forearms are hurting, old symptom. Left arm worse. Cold and numb feeling in legs and feet especially in right.
9:12 Left arm range of motion limited. It really hurts right up into shoulder, deep.
8:14 In general I noticed that my fingernails appeared to have grown more than normal and are stronger than usual.
Sighing/Yawning/Sleepy/Sleepless:
3:T PM; Trouble sleeping with sudden post-nasal drip, feels like it is flowing from L sinus into throat, soon followed by nausea.
7:T Yawning (wrote 9 times in her notes).
Sighing (wrote twice).
Somnolent
Dreamy
Depleted
Fatigued
8:T Yawning
Sighing
Going to go home and sleep.
Want to lay my head back and sleep.
Tired
9:T Feel very sleepy and calm-want to curl up with a book on comfy couch and woodstove. Eyes feel really heavy.
Yawning-really sleepy, felt like closing my eyes.
9:T Laid down for 20 minutes
8:T Slept on couch all afternoon and watched a Discovery program on Jesus, which is not normal for me.
8:1 Head back want to go to sleep.
Fell asleep easily at 1 am.
9:1 I took three hours to fall asleep. Tossed and turned and could not get comfortable.
3:2 No sleep, must get ready for work. Make tea to bring with, dark, rich tea.
3, 2 Have been tossing, reading, stretching, but not sleeping. I think, maybe now that it is dark out, I will sleep.
8:2 Tired
Yawning
Very tired, falling asleep at keyboard.
Fell asleep on couch by 8/9pm.
8:3 TIRED
Falling asleep at desk all afternoon-nothing helps.
Seriously falling asleep at desk.
Dozed in car on way to dinner 5 pm.
8:4 There has to be something going on with the time thing and my sleeping - I am falling asleep on the couch, waking at 1:30 AM, going to bed, waking at 4:30, going back to sleep, waking with the alarm and then going back to sleep and ending up waking up late.
8:4 Tired
7:50 AM sleepy, rested on couch for 20 minutes.
Tired, bone weary tired!
3:5 Went to bed early, slept deeply never waking once. Slept a full 8 hours (unusual now with this odd schedule).
8:5 9AM cannot keep eyes open.
9:5 Did not sleep well at all. I could not get comfy.
9:5 Laid down in my sons room while he was sleeping. Fell asleep for a short time. I am feeling nauseous and tired most of the afternoon.
9:6 Last night I kept hearing my son throw up 6 times plus.. it would wake me but I felt so heavy and tired that I never got out of bed. I let my partner take care of him… something I would NEVER normally do…NEVER.
8:6 I fall asleep on the couch, wake up, go to bed, wake up 4-4:30, go to sleep, get up late.
8:6 3-4 PM sleepy.
7PM Exhausted! 7:30 PM falling asleep at the table.
9:6 Another night of tossing and turning.
9:7 Tossing and turning with no sleep. Tendon and muscle pain in arms, legs, elbows and knees. Preventing sleep.
8:10 Finding it difficult to get up in the mornings - sleep pattern is still disruptive.
8:13 Still very tired all day today. Slept on the couch for a while this afternoon.
Yawning and humming during the day.
8:14 Tired enough to fall asleep in the car whenever riding.
Skin/Itching/Shingles:
4:T Nose, face, head, scalp, corner of eyes itching.
4:T Left eye itching.
4:T Eyes itchy, hurts to rub them.
4:T Right nipple itching.
6:T Scalp itchy.
6:T Itching on stomach, but I feel a small bump like a bug bite.
7:T Right eye tingle.
Nose itches, burns.
Sweaty and itchy behind left knee.
Left side of nose itches (says several times).
Eyebrows tingly.
Nose hairs itch.
Left shoulder itch.
Itchy right hand.
Itchy head left side forehead.
Right breast itch.
Left ear itch (says twice).
Itch behind right ear (says twice).
Itch above left eye.
Itch inner, outer ear canal.
Forehead itches.
Inner nose itch.
Tingly- anxious, anticipation.
Right shin lateral itch
8:T Itchy left arm.
Itchy left nose.
Itchy under right eye.
Left arm (forearm) sting/itch.
Fingers itching LEFT.
What causes this itch that is preceded by a stinging, fire ants?
Itchy ears, especially left.
Left hand itchy, very “coming into money”
Like the itches are connected from side to side
9:T Scalp itchy.
Belly itchy-left side.
Itchy on head.
8:1 Both hands-palms and fingers ache with tingling in fingers of left hand.
Left ear tingle (sore, not itch) when drinking hot beverage.
11:15 AM itching started , shifting in places-elbows, lower arms, itching hands, neck, arms, leg Itching intensified, over more of body, face, finger tips, possibly more intense on left side but itchy on both sides of body, itching in vulva. Hands continue to tingle.
8:2 Itching again left? Sore tingling palm LEFT, itching vulva.
Left hand tingle-stinging, itching random locations.
8:3 Left palm tingling, itchy, face itchy, right ear itchy, privates itchy, hands still tingly.
8:4 Itching starts-left hand, left armpit, leg, shoulder, palms itch and sting.
Hands itchy and tingling.
Itchy inside elbows.
8:5 Left eye VERY itchy with a little tearing, itchy throat, very mucousy.
Itchy palms, especially right, itchy arms-mostly right.
Hands still tingling.
8:6 Hands tingling and itchy
8:7 Left hand already staring to itch, tingle
8:8 Itchy and sneezy.
3:9 Itchy palm-right hand and later in the day, face was briefly and mildly itchy over the nose and cheeks.
9:9 Left hip/side was itching. As I looked at my skin, I saw that here are about 20 red dots/bites in clusters of three, but some shingles. They went around to my back. Not sure if they are spider bites or what they are, but they itch and of course that makes everything itch, but particularly on the bottom of my right foot and under my left arm. So far no bites/bumps there.
8:10 Not much itchy today, hands tingling.
Left palm itchy and tingly, traveling to right.
Still tingling, LEFT strong, continuing very strong tingling in left hand.
8:11 Athletes foot between toes (old itch) very itchy and top of big toe left foot.
8:12 Big sneeze followed by very itchy left thumb-so itchy I scratched it with my teeth. Then left hand VERY tingly-stopped and moved to right hand. Then both hands tingly, but less so. Itchy, itchy, itchy!!, left palm tingle, left fingers itch, left leg itches, right leg little itch, face itchy, left eye itch, wrists itch, left index finger worse, with sting and sore joints, all itchy has that stinging with it. Serious tingle in left hand, itchy face.
8:13 Itching started, left palms tingling.
8:14 Left palm tingling and itches.
Chilly/Hot/Sweat/Fever:
4:T Chills, sweater on and off.
Hands, vagina, armpits sweaty.
Sweaty but wanting to be covered.
7:T Sweaty bum.
Hot flushed neck.
Face feels flushed.
Sweaty and itchy behind left knee.
8:T Left eye sweaty.
Sweaty, just got so hot.
Sudden chill, goose bumps.
Hot red cheeks.
9:T Cold, quivers internal.
Hand sweaty.
Hands clammy.
Dry hot face, cold clammy hands.
Red, hot cheeks.
3:1 Must lie down and be warm. Am bundled up in a fleece-lined sweatshirt, heavy socks, and I am under a pile of blankets. Slept about 8 hours, woke 3 times to pull off covers and then got cold and pulled them back on again.
8:1 Red face, feeling flushed.
8:4 Sweaty
8:5 Sweating and hot.
9:7 Fever.
This remedy is available at Helios Pharmacy
www.helios.co.uk
www.helios.co.uk
